tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43379061949730922662024-03-04T20:11:39.138-08:00Tableau Your Mind'haha, funny' - Scott Aukerman on Twitter one timeTableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comBlogger384125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-24697720834728507272018-04-01T05:59:00.004-07:002018-04-01T05:59:53.317-07:00Happy Easter!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-59027182529343794462017-11-27T08:51:00.000-08:002017-11-27T08:55:14.234-08:00Ranking Marvel Films by Villain Bangability: Part 2 [Top 10]<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Loki Bad | High-Key Hot</td></tr>
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Above all else, Tableau Your Mind endeavors to entertain, enlighten, and exhaust its readers. So, in our entertaining and enlightening efforts to look at the bangability of Marvel Villains, we have also exhausted the patience of many by waiting to put up the second half of our two-part series. Well, wait no more! <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2017/11/ranking-marvel-films-by-villain.html">We've looked at the also-rans in Part 1</a>. Now it's time for Tableau (along with Guest Bloggers Square Peg and Christmas Pug) to look at the certified hate-able hotties of Part 2: <br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">#10 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man:_Homecoming">Spider-Man: Homecoming</a></i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Bangability: 5.14</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-w0Qu_1dKQcU/Whwvq70JaWI/AAAAAAAAF88/mHaaES0mjIkgc2X-ubhMheOa-cyO0vxkgCLcBGAs/s1600/16%2B-%2BSpiderman%2BHomecoming2.png"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-w0Qu_1dKQcU/Whwvq70JaWI/AAAAAAAAF88/mHaaES0mjIkgc2X-ubhMheOa-cyO0vxkgCLcBGAs/s400/16%2B-%2BSpiderman%2BHomecoming2.png" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Keaton">Michael Keaton</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulture_%28Marvel_Comics%29">Adrian Toomes / Vulture</a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bokeem_Woodbine">Bokeem Woodbine</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logan_Marshall-Green">Herman Schultz / Shocker</a></div>
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Logan Marshall-Green as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montana_(comics)">Jackson Brice / Montana</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2255973/">Donald Glover</a> as <a href="http://marvel.wikia.com/wiki/Aaron_Davis_(Earth-1610)">Aaron Davis</a> </div>
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Really, Michael Keaton’s Vulture is the only real villain in this bish, and he’s about as bangable as any version of Michael Keaton that’s ever existed. So, medium? Donald Glover’s villain Aaron Davis barely gets to do anything, but he also elevates the bangability scale by just existing and being Donald Glover.<br />
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<b>Tableau:</b> Everyone’s just so angry in this movie. I don’t need that energy around me.<b> </b><br />
<b>Square Peg: </b>I love Michael Keaton as an actor, but he often has this expression on his face like he just smelled something repugnant while also sucking on a sour candy.<b> </b><br />
<b>Christmas Pug:</b> Donald Glover, please take me.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>#9<i> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thor_(film)">Thor</a></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bangability: 5.66</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2011/05/film-review-thor.html">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FJMlUIvw9gY/WhwvrV6AX5I/AAAAAAAAF9c/UdFh6GJisrg1dOpJNXeOyyQzNag8XYf-QCEwYBhgL/s1600/4%2B-%2BThor.png"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FJMlUIvw9gY/WhwvrV6AX5I/AAAAAAAAF9c/UdFh6GJisrg1dOpJNXeOyyQzNag8XYf-QCEwYBhgL/s400/4%2B-%2BThor.png" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hiddleston">Tom Hiddleston</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loki_%28comics%29">Loki</a> </div>
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The Destroyer</div>
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Lil Baby Loki’s film debut is also his least sexy, but he’s still doing it for the two women on this jury. What he provides is a preview of the bangability to come, and Loki’s mix of suave Britishness and good bone structure do seem to carry a lot of his films into the upper echelon of the bangosphere.<br />
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<b>Square Peg: </b>If anyone has a way to get in touch with Tom Hiddleston to let him know that I want to bang him, please do. Put it through the grapevine.<b> </b><br />
<b>Tableau: </b>I feel like I added The Destroyer to the film’s list of villains to bring the average down a little and be a better representation of the quality of the movie. It’s fun and Shakespearean, but it’s not the best. And The Destroyer, while displaying some great leg and arm definition, loses points due to the fact that he shoots fire out of his only opening. He’s literally unbangable.<b> </b><br />
<b>Christmas Pug: </b>Hole or no hole, you can’t really deter me from wanting to eff Tom Hiddleston.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>#8 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Avengers_(2012_film)">The Avengers</a></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bangability: 5.77</b></span></div>
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<b><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2012/05/film-review-avengers.html">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></b></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_Z3ZwW_w-NI/WhwvrdhMi5I/AAAAAAAAF9c/IvSSBOVbTSo47e3TNeiWrpr2j1GURWoHQCEwYBhgL/s1600/6%2B-%2BAvengers.png"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_Z3ZwW_w-NI/WhwvrdhMi5I/AAAAAAAAF9c/IvSSBOVbTSo47e3TNeiWrpr2j1GURWoHQCEwYBhgL/s400/6%2B-%2BAvengers.png" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hiddleston">Tom Hiddleston</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis_Denisof">Loki</a> </div>
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Alexis Denisof as the Other</div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damion_Poitier">Damion Poitier</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanos">Thanos</a> </div>
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Loki’s back from the dead and ready to sexually frustrate all our heroes. As a central villain, he’s great, and he’s also at his most sexually alluring. His fun outfits, the way he teases The Hulk, that weird ball-gaggy headpiece he has to wear at the end -- he’s a sexual force with which to be reckoned. And while square-jawed Thanos and cage-masked The Other bring the average down a bit, the power of Loki easily breaks this film into the top 50%. <br />
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<b>Square Peg: </b>I’ll be singing this until the cows come home, but Thanos does nothing for me in any of his incarnations.<b> </b><br />
<b>Tableau: </b>This is definitely Top Loki, and really the last movie where he’s the clear villain. After this, he veers into ‘shitty brother who is a little villainous’ territory.<br />
<b>Christmas Pug:</b> Said it once and will say it again: would eff. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>#7 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_America:_Civil_War">Captain America: Civil War</a></i></b></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bangability: 5.80</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Br%C3%BChl"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Kd2UK4vDfdQ/WhwvqWt1KYI/AAAAAAAAF9c/eYorwr74Si4e87uBGZubV-amKe5zB1VIgCEwYBhgL/s400/13%2B-%2BCaptain%2BAmerica%2BCivil%2BWar.png" /></a></div>
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Daniel Brühl as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helmut_Zemo">Helmut Zemo</a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Downey,_Jr.">Robert Downey, Jr.</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Grillo">Tony Stark / Iron Man</a></div>
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Frank Grillo as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossbones_%28comics%29">Brock Rumlow / Crossbones</a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Hurt">William Hurt</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thunderbolt_Ross">Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross</a></div>
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This movie is just full of sexiness. At the core you have mastermind Helmut Zemo, a grieving father and husband who is pretty hot to trot with that sexy widow stank on him. And then, on the periphery, you have Tony Stark, whose sexiness is elusive to some, dom-gear Brock Rumlow, and zaddy/daddy Thaddeus. All told, it’s a pretty bangable group of whiteys. <br />
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<b>Tableau: </b>I’m not into any of this, really. But I understand, objectively, the attraction to these dudes.<br />
<b>Square Peg:</b> Daniel Brühl is just so attractive. Look at how that one lock of hair flops so perfectly over his forehead!<br />
<b>Christmas Pug: </b>I’m literally bored just thinking about banging these dudes (boom, roasted). <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>#6 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guardians_of_the_Galaxy_Vol._2">Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2</a></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bangability 6.07</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-blSXrOsKmqc/Whwvqhotp4I/AAAAAAAAF9c/3hmcLTFogl4exDad_cDiA5icN-w0HQEwgCEwYBhgL/s1600/15%2B-%2BGuardians%2Bof%2Bthe%2BGalaxy1.png"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-blSXrOsKmqc/Whwvqhotp4I/AAAAAAAAF9c/3hmcLTFogl4exDad_cDiA5icN-w0HQEwgCEwYBhgL/s400/15%2B-%2BGuardians%2Bof%2Bthe%2BGalaxy1.png" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Debicki">Elizabeth Debicki</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Russell">Ayesha</a></div>
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Kurt Russell as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Sullivan_%28actor%29">Ego</a></div>
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Chris Sullivan as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taserface">Taserface</a> </div>
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For a movie as unevenly written and produced as GOTG2, it still manages to have a ton of extremely attractive and alluring villains. Ayesha, the High Priestess of the quasi-master-racey Sovereign, gets more attractive the more unhinged she becomes. And Kurt Russell as Ego the Living Planet maintains the high level of bangability he’s had since the beginning of his film career. And a huge part of his character is sexing up as many species as possible. That's hot (tm <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd9VwVPEhnQ">Paris Hilton</a>). Taserface’s scrotal visage brings the score down considerably, as does Ego once he goes true baddie and gets all grey and sandy.<br />
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<b>Tableau:</b> Taserface gets no respect, even on this board. Without him, this movie would definitely have ranked higher on this list.<br />
<b>Square Peg:</b> There’s no denying the appeal of that twinkle in Kurt Russell’s eye.<br />
<b>Christmas Pug: </b>Yes to Ayesha. Yes to space ladies in general. <br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">#5 </span><i><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_America:_The_Winter_Soldier">Captain America: The Winter Soldier</a></span></i></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Bangability: 6.37</span> </b></div>
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<b><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GAaBOsqHcJY/WhwvsaA9SUI/AAAAAAAAF9c/r7ucBezMA1sBvgpocya5z8qy9fQ5HnD0gCEwYBhgL/s1600/9%2B-%2BCaptain%2BAmerica%2BWinter%2BSoldier.png">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></b></div>
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<img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GAaBOsqHcJY/WhwvsaA9SUI/AAAAAAAAF9c/r7ucBezMA1sBvgpocya5z8qy9fQ5HnD0gCEwYBhgL/s400/9%2B-%2BCaptain%2BAmerica%2BWinter%2BSoldier.png" /> </div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebastian_Stan">Sebastian Stan</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Grillo">Bucky Barnes / Winter Soldier</a> </div>
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Frank Grillo as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Redford">Brock Rumlow</a></div>
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Robert Redford as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toby_Jones">Alexander Pierce</a> </div>
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Toby Jones as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnim_Zola">Arnim Zola</a> (computer)</div>
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It makes sense that Bucky Barnes has been in suspended animation, because his hair and overall gravel-y sexiness is more reminiscent of early 90s Kurt Cobain or Ethan Hawke than any present-day dreamboats. But, because it’s a Marvel movie, he’s also jacked AF. Rounding out the trio of sexiness is Brock Rumlow (less charred than he is in Avengers 2) and forever Sexiest Man Alive Robert Redford (playing secret Hydra agent Alexander Pierce). Though Pierce’s smoldering sexiness is anything but agreed upon (Tableau is the cheese that stands alone on that one), everyone agrees that Computer Zola isn’t really much to bang home about.<b> </b><br />
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<b>Christmas Pug: </b>I don’t care what you say, Alexander Pierce is basically dead in “sexy woman years,” and I can’t stand behind a society that would sexualize him and not a lady counterpart of the same generation.<b> </b><br />
<b>Tableau:</b> I’m all for pudgy elf Zola in the first Captain America, but the Commodore 64 version is more floppy disk than hard drive. I've never had a sexual thought about The Oregon Trail, and I don't intend to start now.<br />
<b>Square Peg: </b>Brock Rumlow is definitely attractive, but he’s such an asshole that it cancels out. <br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">#4 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guardians_of_the_Galaxy_(film)">Guardians of the Galaxy</a> </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Bangability: 6.43</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2014/08/guardians-of-galaxy-is-space-epic-weve.html">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></span></b></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Pace"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Yk4fOUurvxI/WhwvpoKo1xI/AAAAAAAAF9c/oRkTvU18xf4jDxr5SQYAKJA3Ao2pkDyxwCEwYBhgL/s400/10%2B-%2BGuardians%2Bof%2Bthe%2BGalaxy.png" /></a></div>
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Lee Pace as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Rooker">Ronan the Accuser</a></div>
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Michael Rooker as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_Gillan">Yondu Udonta</a></div>
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Karen Gillan as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Brolin">Nebula</a></div>
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Josh Brolin as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanos">Thanos</a> </div>
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For the first <i>Guardians </i>film, it’s the battle of the sexy blue baddies. Since all the protagonists are also criminals, it’s a little hard to parse out the true villains. Still, if you’re blue in this movie, you’re at least on notice. And Ronan the Accuser definitely tries to kill a whole planet full of people, so his villainy is not under dispute. Neither are THOSE ABS and DAT BUTT:</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Fr-nJmrRFTM/WhwvpmsjBiI/AAAAAAAAF9c/EIfd3feiSl8ewqqzKbWy_Fd8mNZKZGnPQCEwYBhgL/s1600/10%2B-%2BGuardians%2Bof%2Bthe%2BGalaxy%2B2.png"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Fr-nJmrRFTM/WhwvpmsjBiI/AAAAAAAAF9c/EIfd3feiSl8ewqqzKbWy_Fd8mNZKZGnPQCEwYBhgL/s320/10%2B-%2BGuardians%2Bof%2Bthe%2BGalaxy%2B2.png" /></a></div>
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<b>Tableau:</b> This whole movie is filled with a bunch of Sexy Smurfs.<b> </b><br />
<b>Square Peg:</b> I definitely have a Lee Pace thing, but the cakey black blood on his face and his overall growly nature makes him a lot less bangable. Even if he is the first Marvel Villain to give us a butt shot.<br />
<b>Christmas Pug: </b>I don’t know what it is about alien women that just GETS ME. All the points to Nebula.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>#3 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Man_3">Iron Man 3</a></i></b></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bangability: 7.17</b></span></div>
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<b><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2013/05/my-cousins-review-iron-man-3.html">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></b> </div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4z38WwCMVjE/Whwvr6jVY3I/AAAAAAAAF9c/Fws9PUUyXDk1JlVBvkHFOUHhgsaBeG7UgCEwYBhgL/s1600/7%2B-%2BIron%2BMan%2B3.png"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4z38WwCMVjE/Whwvr6jVY3I/AAAAAAAAF9c/Fws9PUUyXDk1JlVBvkHFOUHhgsaBeG7UgCEwYBhgL/s400/7%2B-%2BIron%2BMan%2B3.png" /></a> </div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guy_Pearce">Guy Pearce</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebecca_Hall">Aldrich Killian</a> </div>
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Rebecca Hall as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Kingsley">Maya Hansen</a> </div>
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Ben Kingsley as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trevor_Slattery">Trevor Slattery</a>/The Mandarin</div>
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Once again, Tony goes up against a business rival who’s not as smart as him and hates him for his intellect and suaveness. <i>Yawn</i>. Thankfully, the rivals (Aldrich Killian and Maya Hansen) in this movie are bangable, which makes the high-stakes business one-upmanship a little more fun to watch. Maya Hansen was originally going to be the main villain of the film, which would have been a welcome change of pace for Marvel films (so few have a female villain, let alone a female MAIN villain). Thankfully, even with a diminished role, her bangability remains at an all-time high. This film’s hot quotient is ultimately done in by Aldrich’s awkward tattoo placement and Trevor Slattery’s general existence. Only Square Peg’s high score for Faux-Mandarin kept him afloat.<br />
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<b>Tableau: </b>Maya Hansen is incredibly attractive and has believable sexual chemistry with both Tony Stark and Gwyneth Paltrow’s Pepper Potts.<br />
<b>Square Peg: </b>There’s something oddly appealing about The Mandarin, and we do literally see him post-coitally getting out of bed. So, we know he bangs.<br />
<b>Christmas Pug:</b> Maya Hansen is v bangable, and I wish I could say I wouldn’t bang someone with Aldrich’s tattoos, but we all know I would.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">#2 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ant-Man_(film)">Ant-Man</a></i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Bangability: 7.67</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nsj2RhfU5Ew/WhwvqJP1RlI/AAAAAAAAF9c/2uBWbYHXYWgHEZVMuR6K4lfO9MwrPd8EQCEwYBhgL/s1600/12%2B-%2BAnt%2BMan.png"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nsj2RhfU5Ew/WhwvqJP1RlI/AAAAAAAAF9c/2uBWbYHXYWgHEZVMuR6K4lfO9MwrPd8EQCEwYBhgL/s400/12%2B-%2BAnt%2BMan.png" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corey_Stoll">Corey Stoll</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darren_Cross">Darren Cross</a> /<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellowjacket_%28Marvel_Comics%29"> Yellowjacket</a> </div>
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The only movie on this list with only one villain, its bangability ranking is firmly high because the single bad guy is also extremely attractive. Sure, he kills without mercy and uses Ant-Man’s daughter as a hostage, but you can’t deny the swagger.<br />
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<b>Tableau:</b> I’m not going to really comment on the attractiveness, except to say that he is seemingly a psychopath. So that maybe knocks a point off?<br />
<b>Christmas Pug: </b>I love da baldies!!!<br />
<b>Square Peg:</b> Corey is an attractive fella, but I don’t go in for suits.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>#1 <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thor:_Ragnarok">Thor: Ragnarok</a></i></b></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bangability: 9.0</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yhmecDsP_Y4/WhwvqwkoGnI/AAAAAAAAF9c/rQi6NuuWZbIjb63dH1u41hvBj1c_AbaXQCEwYBhgL/s1600/17%2B-%2BThor%2BRagnarok.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yhmecDsP_Y4/WhwvqwkoGnI/AAAAAAAAF9c/rQi6NuuWZbIjb63dH1u41hvBj1c_AbaXQCEwYBhgL/s400/17%2B-%2BThor%2BRagnarok.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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Cate Blanchett as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Goldblum">Hela</a></div>
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Jeff Goldblum as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karl_Urban">Grandmaster</a></div>
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hiddleston">Tom Hiddleston</a> as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cate_Blanchett">Loki</a></div>
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Karl Urban as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Executioner_%28comics%29">Skurge</a><br />
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Without much competition, the latest Thor movie is the sexiest film through and through. You’ve got sexy-ass Thor, super sexual (and bisexual) Valkyrie, and Hulk butt. And that’s just on the good guy side. On the bad side, you have sexual chameleon Jeff Goldblum as the Grandmaster, noted hottie-with-a-body Tom Hiddleston, and Cate Blanchett as the Goddess of Death (and God’s Sexual Gift to Humanity), Hela. The heat coming off this movie is intense, and it’s basically hemorrhaging horniness. This movie is a bang-fest, and that’s without even mentioning the long sequence where the heroes ride around in an orgy spaceship. Genitals are basically exploding off the screen.</div>
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<b>Christmas Pug:</b> Five thousand stars to Cate Blanchett!<b> </b><br />
<b>Tableau:</b> Like every young person who watched <i>Jurassic Park</i>, I’ve been low-key sexually attracted to Jeff Goldblum for most of my life. And this is just the cherry on the sexy sundae.<b> </b><br />
<b>Square Peg: </b>The horns only make Cate more attractive. Plus, I’m weirdly turned on by the fact that, if I were banging Jeff Goldblum, he could kill me at any moment with his weird melty death stick.<br />
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This whole list started as an experiment to see if a Marvel film's villain bangability matched up with the overall quality of the film. And, with a few exceptions, things do line up nicely. Maybe <i>Ant-Man</i> and <i>Thor: Ragnarok</i> aren't the best MCU films, but they are the most fun. Perhaps <i>Iron Man 3 </i>isn't the best Iron Man movie, but it is the most artfully directed and deep. And maybe we shouldn't look too hard at this list. Let's instead look to Hollywood and the entire celebrity-fueled industry and thank them all for being so bangable and willing to be exploited for our pleasure (and their extreme financial gain). And then, after you've heaped praise onto the already overpraised, go out into the world and bang on.</div>
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<a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2017/11/ranking-marvel-films-by-villain.html" target="_blank">Ranking Marvel Films By Villain Bangability: Part 1</a></div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-4533676955888734062017-11-17T07:23:00.000-08:002017-11-27T08:53:13.869-08:00Ranking Marvel Films by Villain Bangability: Part 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hela Scary | Hella Bangable</td></tr>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s no denying that Marvel has, over the last 10 years, created a critically-lauded and commercially-successful film franchise. However, that doesn’t mean that the films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) are beyond critique. When dissecting these blockbusters, a common refrain is that, though the heroes are compelling, the villains have paper thin motivations and are almost universally disposable (also like paper).</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IbFkNHPjas8/WgyA5gJ1LHI/AAAAAAAAF7U/bjXu5kDB6EUgBuU_DX_SIm19Kk6dSIMsgCLcBGAs/s1600/Guest%2BBlogger%2Btime2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="608" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IbFkNHPjas8/WgyA5gJ1LHI/AAAAAAAAF7U/bjXu5kDB6EUgBuU_DX_SIm19Kk6dSIMsgCLcBGAs/s200/Guest%2BBlogger%2Btime2.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guest Bloggers and Me</td></tr>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While I don’t disagree, I think that critics have missed the mark by looking too hard at what villains are trying to achieve and the ways they go about doing it, and <i>not hard enough</i> at how incredibly bangable these dastardly dudes and dudettes really are. And with the release of </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thor: Ragnarok</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, it’s clear that, while Marvel may not care about getting into the heads of these villains, viewers still want to get into these villains’ pants.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Below is the Part 1 of Tableau’s scientific ranking of the “bangability” of Marvel villains, weighing their physical attractiveness, overall demeanor, and importance to the plot. </span><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To aide in my journey, and to feel less gross about the whole thing, I enlisted the help of previous guest blogger<a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/search?q=square+peg" target="_blank"> Square Peg</a> and new correspondent Christmas Pug for a look at these sexy, sexy ne’er-do-wells</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial";">.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To focus on the main villains of each film, some minor villains and lackeys were left out, especially if they switched allegiances before the final battle.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Which film has best bros and babes for boudoir boinking? Let’s find out!</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#17 </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Strange_(film)" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Doctor Strange</span></a></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bangability: 2.4</span></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6kOuRyOGk-A/WgyHxNGReuI/AAAAAAAAF7w/8mIXelx9uNYrxD5OXFCK_Rz6sYioWvEzQCLcBGAs/s1600/14%2B-%2BDoctor%2BStrange.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6kOuRyOGk-A/WgyHxNGReuI/AAAAAAAAF7w/8mIXelx9uNYrxD5OXFCK_Rz6sYioWvEzQCLcBGAs/s400/14%2B-%2BDoctor%2BStrange.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mads_Mikkelsen" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mads Mikkelsen</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaecilius" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaecilius</span></a></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tilda_Swinton" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tilda Swinton</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as the</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_One" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ancient One</span></a></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Benedict Cumberbatch as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dormammu" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dormammu</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s no surprise that </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Doctor Strange </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is at the bottom of the list. With his high pony, botched smokey eye, and frequent accidental duckface, Kaecilius is possibly the most basic-bitch villain in the entire MCU. And Tilda Swinton, while ethereally interesting and sexually frustrating, loses some bangability points for her casting being the end result of a lot of whitewashing.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Square Peg: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Normally all about the Mads-life, but I can’t sign off on this look. It’s unsettling.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Pug:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Bonus points for Tilda Swinton, but these villains are all a hard pass.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tableau: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dormammu kills Benedict Cumberbatch’s titular doctor a bunch, which gets me going, but it’s also voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch, so it kind of nullifies any sexy feelings I might have initially felt. But space is sexy, I guess?</span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#16 </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avengers:_Age_of_Ultron" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Avengers: Age of Ultron</span></a></b></span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bangability: 3.27</span></b></span></b></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/07/hit-or-miss-quick-movie-reviews-10.html#more" target="_blank">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></span></b></span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iUBHA3o7Occ/WgyBb4MsYRI/AAAAAAAAF7g/WnG5l7-dY3IbMU0AkQ-LRLwud-JS-w7-ACLcBGAs/s1600/11%2B-%2BAvengers%2BAge%2Bof%2BUltron.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iUBHA3o7Occ/WgyBb4MsYRI/AAAAAAAAF7g/WnG5l7-dY3IbMU0AkQ-LRLwud-JS-w7-ACLcBGAs/s400/11%2B-%2BAvengers%2BAge%2Bof%2BUltron.png" width="400" /></a></span></b></span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Spader" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">James Spader</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultron" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ultron</span></a></b></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Downey,_Jr." style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Robert Downey, Jr.</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Man" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tony Stark / Iron Man</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Serkis" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Andy Serkis</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klaw_%28Marvel_Comics%29" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ulysses Klaue</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s no denying that Ultron’s got a rocking robot bod, but it also comes equipped with James Spader’s 80s-movie-asshole voice. So, it’s a mixed bag, to be sure. Tony Stark’s accidental villainy helps bump up this movie’s average up a bit, as does Square Peg’s strangely strong attraction to Andy Serkis’s Ulysses Klaue.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Pug: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My high score for Stark really points to my weakness for mediocre white men.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Square Peg:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I can’t really describe why, but Andy Serkis really does it for me. Even dirty. Especially dirty.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tableau: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">James Spader is the antithesis of sexy to me. All I can picture is him in a bathrobe smoking cigars with William Shatner, and no. Just no.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#15 </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thor:_The_Dark_World" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thor: The Dark World</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bangability: 3.33</span></b></span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2013/12/quick-reviews-thor-dark-world.html" target="_blank">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NFpGnQ1Rmtw/Wgx-tkJ3V0I/AAAAAAAAF7A/jliijUBxPogWPDe1Wv7pN3BUeiwjrnr2QCLcBGAs/s1600/8%2B-%2BThor%2BThe%2BDark%2BWorld.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NFpGnQ1Rmtw/Wgx-tkJ3V0I/AAAAAAAAF7A/jliijUBxPogWPDe1Wv7pN3BUeiwjrnr2QCLcBGAs/s400/8%2B-%2BThor%2BThe%2BDark%2BWorld.png" width="400" /></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Eccleston" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christopher Eccleston</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malekith_the_Accursed" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Malekith</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adewale_Akinnuoye-Agbaje" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurse" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Algrim / Kurse</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This movie is pretty unsexy. Like, all the pieces are there for sexiness, but it just doesn’t come together. And, unlike other </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thor </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">films, Loki isn’t really a villain. So, the average is particularly low. We’ve just got the elfin Malekith (who really divided the votes) and the ultimately monstrous Algrim. Everyone is very brooding, but not sexy brooding. More like “pop a Xanax, already” brooding.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Pug:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Malekith resembles the star athlete at my high school, so hard pass.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Square Peg: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Malekith is a sexy little elf with cheekbones you can cut glass with, so hard yes.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tableau:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I’m a big fan of </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Eko" target="_blank"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mr. Eko on </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lost</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, but Algrim’s weird eye and eyebrow situation makes him more scary than sexy</span></b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#14 </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_America:_The_First_Avenger" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Captain America: The First Avenger</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bangability: 3.33</span></b></span><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2011/08/hit-or-miss-quick-movie-reviews.html" target="_blank">Original Tableau Your Mind Review</a></span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_fJnRnh_qBo/Wgx-CKL47jI/AAAAAAAAF68/QbuJXlPXVJEZjOM31RQdBYCxxmpeFSo7ACEwYBhgL/s1600/5%2B-%2BCaptain%2BAmerica%2BWinter%2BSoldier.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_fJnRnh_qBo/Wgx-CKL47jI/AAAAAAAAF68/QbuJXlPXVJEZjOM31RQdBYCxxmpeFSo7ACEwYBhgL/s400/5%2B-%2BCaptain%2BAmerica%2BWinter%2BSoldier.png" width="400" /></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_Weaving" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hugo Weaving</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Skull" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Johann Schmidt / Red Skull</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toby_Jones" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Toby Jones</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnim_Zola" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Arnim Zola</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When a film’s villains are Nazis, it’s kind of hard for them to be bangable. Objectively, Nazis were trying to bang their way to becoming the master race, but we don’t really want to think about it. And that’s for the most attractive Nazis. And Johann Schmidt and Arnim Zola are not the most attractive Nazis.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tableau:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Nazis are definitely having a moment, pop culturally, but Arnim Zola’s little pug face is cute. Still, I’m a little sad that this is ranked so high.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Pug:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I resent the pug comment, but I agree about the Nazi shit</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Square Peg:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I like Hugo a lot. He's an attractive man, but this isn’t his best look.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#13 </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Man_2" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Iron Man 2</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bangability: 3.44</span></b></span><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3rTdGWBb7_Y/Wgx-BoIFxsI/AAAAAAAAF68/cUkBV7B_GawALMXgeTyNCFf3xQfT99c6gCEwYBhgL/s1600/3%2B-%2B2010%2B-%2BIron%2BMan%2B2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3rTdGWBb7_Y/Wgx-BoIFxsI/AAAAAAAAF68/cUkBV7B_GawALMXgeTyNCFf3xQfT99c6gCEwYBhgL/s400/3%2B-%2B2010%2B-%2BIron%2BMan%2B2.png" width="400" /></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey_Rourke" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mickey Rourke</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whiplash_%28comics%29#Ivan_Vanko" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ivan Vanko</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Rockwell" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sam Rockwell</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Hammer" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Justin Hammer</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With this movie, we have a situation where one villain ranked as extremely bangable and the other as extremely not that. Ivan Vanko is aggressively unsettling. There’s a way to make danger into something bangable. This is not the way to do that.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tableau: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sam Rockwell definitely has a dancer-like sensibility to him. He’s like a graceful cockroach.This is far from his sexiest role, but he could still get it.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Square Peg: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Really, I just find Sam Rockwell attractive in everything. But Mickey Rourke’s hair is so bad and his outfit is so bad and it’s all just so bad.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Pug: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ugh, hair.</span></b></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#12 </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Incredible_Hulk_(film)" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Incredible Hulk</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bangability: 3.5</span></b></span><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9sAJl4iF9wo/Wgx-BLK6cjI/AAAAAAAAF68/Hbv4XUqmxtAouFB4o0JQD3UvhG1xhwCkgCEwYBhgL/s1600/2%2B-%2B2008%2B-%2BThe%2BIncredible%2BHulk.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9sAJl4iF9wo/Wgx-BLK6cjI/AAAAAAAAF68/Hbv4XUqmxtAouFB4o0JQD3UvhG1xhwCkgCEwYBhgL/s400/2%2B-%2B2008%2B-%2BThe%2BIncredible%2BHulk.png" width="400" /></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Roth" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tim Roth</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abomination_%28comics%29" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Emil Blonsky / Abomination</span></a></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Hurt" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">William Hurt</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thunderbolt_Ross" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross</span></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This film has no business being this high, and the blame rests squarely (and pegly) on Square Peg’s shoulders. Lil Peg has both a thing for William Hurt (which we get) and Tim Roth (which we do not). Thank god Tim Roth’s turn as “Abomination” brought this average down, because we were almost veering into Top 10 Bangs category.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Square Peg:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> William Hurt’s an attractive man. I feel like Tim Roth is sometimes kind of attractive. Not in this movie. But residual hotness is there.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tableau:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I understand William Hurt's sexiness, I guess, but the military stooge thing is a no.</span></b></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Pug: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These guys can’t </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: line-through; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sit with</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> bang me.</span><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#11 </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Man_(2008_film)" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Iron Man</span></a></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Average: 3.67</span></b></span></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SJGeQls6k6Y/Wgx-AD1lNiI/AAAAAAAAF68/QyMrqI7RVTg_4SxdFsEmGztFazpM-0pCgCEwYBhgL/s1600/1%2B-%2B2008%2B-%2BIron%2BMan.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="600" height="166" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SJGeQls6k6Y/Wgx-AD1lNiI/AAAAAAAAF68/QyMrqI7RVTg_4SxdFsEmGztFazpM-0pCgCEwYBhgL/s400/1%2B-%2B2008%2B-%2BIron%2BMan.png" width="400" /></a></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Bridges" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jeff Bridges</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Monger" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Obadiah Stane</span></a></b><br />
<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faran_Tahir" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Faran Tahir</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as Raza</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Turns out, Jeff Bridges is only bangable with hair. And the “good old boy” swagger he brings to Obadiah is a definite turnoff to the assembled panel of judges. And Raza, as a fairly one-note villain, never really gets a chance to shine, and there’s nothing sexy about the sweatiness of the desert.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Square Peg:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I think it’s the combination of the baldness and the beard that make Obadiah particularly unattractive. Because Jeff Bridges is normally a totally sexy dude.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christmas Pug: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Real hot n’ cold sitch here.</span></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tableau: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Raza is one of the only Middle Eastern villains in Marvel’s rolodex, which is both good (that they’re not relying on racist terrorist tropes) and bad (that the villain roster is fairly white dude heavy). And, while the desert seems like an unwelcome environment for banging, there is something alluring about a cave.</span></b></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">**<b>*</b></span></b></b><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b> </b></span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b> </b> </span></b></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Which film will make it to number one on our super scientific list? Click Here to Read Part 2:</span></b></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-6e258269-c0b6-f378-3d64-bd9c6d5a2730" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2017/11/ranking-marvel-films-by-villain_27.html" target="_blank">Ranking Marvel Films by Villain Bangability: Part 2</a></span></b></b></div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-52372196285789134832017-06-18T12:18:00.003-07:002017-06-18T12:19:51.010-07:00Beyoncé Gives Birth to Twins<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vZPli8CaStM/WUbR40DdGVI/AAAAAAAAF4c/bhF0YEMAYCw4HcReHRezTk6EDuwaHRgAACLcBGAs/s1600/Tableau--Beyonce%2BTwins.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="867" data-original-width="867" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vZPli8CaStM/WUbR40DdGVI/AAAAAAAAF4c/bhF0YEMAYCw4HcReHRezTk6EDuwaHRgAACLcBGAs/s400/Tableau--Beyonce%2BTwins.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Finally, some American overlords we can be excited about.</b></div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-24996209287716320952017-06-15T13:36:00.003-07:002017-06-15T13:36:50.344-07:00Ansel Elgort at the LA Premiere of 'Baby Driver'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Ansel. He's so hot right now. Ansel.</div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-39848598400273761232017-06-09T06:51:00.005-07:002017-06-09T06:51:45.855-07:00Manatee Potato<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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AKA Manateeto</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sqcYqoOxUs8/WTqn2Dn44gI/AAAAAAAAF38/5Y4uHeExY0IZkeHlDBYxrvgXrYcNgDjYACLcB/s1600/manateeto.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1364" data-original-width="1364" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sqcYqoOxUs8/WTqn2Dn44gI/AAAAAAAAF38/5Y4uHeExY0IZkeHlDBYxrvgXrYcNgDjYACLcB/s320/manateeto.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-67258152972960620762016-09-20T15:43:00.000-07:002016-09-20T20:00:46.596-07:00'The First Wives Club' Turns 20!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>The First Wives Club</i>, the greatest film of all time, was released 20 years ago today. Go watch it. It's amazing. And be glad that, thanks to the power of Amy Schumer, <a href="http://www.eonline.com/news/786896/how-amy-schumer-lured-goldie-hawn-out-of-retirement" target="_blank">Goldie Hawn is finally coming out of retirement</a>!<br />
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And heed the words of the only good Trump (Ivana): Don't get mad. Get everything.</div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-18106455372320913632016-08-08T08:54:00.003-07:002016-08-08T08:54:42.523-07:00It's Been a While<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">fun.</td></tr>
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Hey, e'erybody! I haven't posted anything in about 5 months, which means this blog is basically on life support with very little chance of recovery. After a year of <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/search/label/365%20Days%20365%20Movies" target="_blank">watching a movie a day</a>, I entered into 2016 with a little bit of Pop Culture Fatigue (Or PCF). That PCF was compounded by a year that kept thwarting me at every turn with celebrity deaths, disappointing films (some original, some the newest entries in franchises that are wheezing to their conclusions), and an American political system that really makes you question the whole idea of democracy.</div>
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However, with the Olympics, and Netflix's <i>Stranger Things</i>, and a fall TV slate that seems appealing, I'm starting to crawl out and embrace the world again. Which is a long way of saying that I'm officially returning to this page for an indeterminate period of time to write about all things poppy once more. I mean, where else can I express my complicated thoughts about the <i>Gilmore Girls </i>reboot?</div>
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PCF be damned.</div>
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woo.</div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-83180174741014643712016-03-18T11:03:00.000-07:002016-03-18T11:03:34.889-07:00'She's The Man' Turns 10<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VAv3DVshD_M/VuwUrKkhsqI/AAAAAAAAFtk/ZNbbj_8WmSsBcwzN7G6Uxekb13hLxmmpw/s1600/Tableau--She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VAv3DVshD_M/VuwUrKkhsqI/AAAAAAAAFtk/ZNbbj_8WmSsBcwzN7G6Uxekb13hLxmmpw/s400/Tableau--She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan.png" width="263" /></a></div>
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<i>She's the Man </i>is now a 10-year-old movie. Which makes me feel old, but also officially makes the movie a classic, since it totally holds up. In honor of its anniversary, here are 10 legit reasons you should watch/rewatch this gem:</div>
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<b>Amanda Bynes!</b></div>
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This is her finest moment. Bynes gets to showcase her sassy charm AND her amazing physical comedy skills. </div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0tWnTr5GcZM/Vuw_0e6uTPI/AAAAAAAAFuU/RipAhoocdfEotliXFWlAUSt-81p6v-Idw/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%25283%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0tWnTr5GcZM/Vuw_0e6uTPI/AAAAAAAAFuU/RipAhoocdfEotliXFWlAUSt-81p6v-Idw/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%25283%2529.gif" /></a></div>
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<b>Soccer That's Fun to Watch!</b></div>
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Between this and<i> Bend it Like Beckham</i>, soccer is basically the go-to sport for female empowerment.</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct1mnlXX6rM/VuxBW583diI/AAAAAAAAFvI/41Lxz6mHpHsFVZdVB9KS6zxW7hDWwiNuA/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252821%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct1mnlXX6rM/VuxBW583diI/AAAAAAAAFvI/41Lxz6mHpHsFVZdVB9KS6zxW7hDWwiNuA/s320/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252821%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Channing Tatum!</b></div>
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He's so charming and dumb. Also, this movie came out about 6 months before <i>Step Up</i>, so it's really the last role of Tatum's before he rocketed to superstardom.</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4ysR256HnhE/Vuw_1hFIRzI/AAAAAAAAFuo/fuMJRgTkHVYAwcOJEG7E4jzo1-_EVsvqA/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%25288%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4ysR256HnhE/Vuw_1hFIRzI/AAAAAAAAFuo/fuMJRgTkHVYAwcOJEG7E4jzo1-_EVsvqA/s320/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%25288%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Best Modern Shakespeare Adaptation Ever!</b></div>
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Yeah, I love <i>10 Things I Hate About You. </i>But this reimagining of <i>Twelfth Night </i>has so much more spunk and personality. It's also written by the same screenwriters, so let's not make this a competition. Plus, <i>10 Things I Hate About You </i>didn't have...</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2fBB1p-MD2k/VuxBVyusBrI/AAAAAAAAFvA/LoIiOlIzyNQ18PJVmKEOIJEmwbjV8cxYQ/s1600/She%2527s%2BThe%2BMan%2B%252818%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="140" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2fBB1p-MD2k/VuxBVyusBrI/AAAAAAAAFvA/LoIiOlIzyNQ18PJVmKEOIJEmwbjV8cxYQ/s320/She%2527s%2BThe%2BMan%2B%252818%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>David Cross!</b></div>
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Sure, he's sidelined for the majority of the movie, but he's a fun side character who gets to tell the world about the silent sufferers of Alopecia. It's not never-nude territory, but it's still very real.</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wJ9t6gGqFHA/VuxBW6-PnSI/AAAAAAAAFvM/NadkgesVqz0DKbHd3pQjgJiC5pAveRH5Q/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252819%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wJ9t6gGqFHA/VuxBW6-PnSI/AAAAAAAAFvM/NadkgesVqz0DKbHd3pQjgJiC5pAveRH5Q/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252819%2529.gif" /></a></div>
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<b>Lots of Mrs. Doubtfire Goodness!</b></div>
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And by that, I mean there is a ton of fun with cross-dressing. The movie basically has 50 shower scenes that Bynes' Viola has to navigate. And then there's a kissing booth scene and a strategically used bouncy house. It's all good fun. Plus, there's even a scene where Viola gets a makeover to look like her brother. It's a montage, and it's excellent.</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pweKN1RHZ6M/VuxBWj9cgMI/AAAAAAAAFvE/wMBatEGSxs89cQe-Fp2rVKofkB3Q-rJVw/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252820%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="161" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pweKN1RHZ6M/VuxBWj9cgMI/AAAAAAAAFvE/wMBatEGSxs89cQe-Fp2rVKofkB3Q-rJVw/s320/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252820%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Fun with Tampons!</b></div>
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Seriously, they're very absorbent.</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jfVYDuDwM_Y/VuxBVx4M57I/AAAAAAAAFu8/feM1Plgu6KALFStWyDXeLEGd21LYQ0KRg/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252817%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jfVYDuDwM_Y/VuxBVx4M57I/AAAAAAAAFu8/feM1Plgu6KALFStWyDXeLEGd21LYQ0KRg/s320/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%252817%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Vinnie Jones!</b></div>
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Vinnie "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEYViV8p-Ow" target="_blank">I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch</a>" Jones plays the soccer coach, and he's a delight. He's just as gruff and ornery as he is in every other movie in which he appears, but he also has this egalitarian spirit and harrumph-y charm that wins you over.</div>
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<b>AMANDA BYNES!</b></div>
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Okay, this was already listed, but it bears repeating how funny and sweet she is in this movie. Sure, when she cross-dresses she looks like a pre-pubescenet Zac Efron, but even that doesn't hide her awesome.</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yXGvglnDzfg/Vuw_1Ma7OqI/AAAAAAAAFuw/q4Sc-h_o1UgYVGBKLYdS53QChffGhwmuQ/s1600/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%25286%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yXGvglnDzfg/Vuw_1Ma7OqI/AAAAAAAAFuw/q4Sc-h_o1UgYVGBKLYdS53QChffGhwmuQ/s320/She%2527s%2Bthe%2BMan%2B%25286%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>A Delightfully Pro-Feminist Message!</b></div>
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Sure, the film gets a little weighed down by the "I'm a girl pretending to be a boy" premise, but there is a strong message in the film about following your dreams (like <i>High School Musical</i>, but with less auto-tune) regardless of how right or wrong they appear to the people around you. Women can be rough-and-tumble and hate cotillions, Men can be in touch with their feelings.</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fdMAhD7iVVo/VuxBV-Ye-xI/AAAAAAAAFu4/HTv7ObVqEg0J5sHgC6X0kouHtjtPN3vIA/s1600/She%2527s%2BThe%2BMan%2B%252816%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fdMAhD7iVVo/VuxBV-Ye-xI/AAAAAAAAFu4/HTv7ObVqEg0J5sHgC6X0kouHtjtPN3vIA/s1600/She%2527s%2BThe%2BMan%2B%252816%2529.gif" /></a></div>
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So go watch <i>She's the Man</i>. And, if possible, watch it on DVD with the commentary track on, because it's a really good one.</div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-2043691853700438922016-02-29T08:40:00.001-08:002016-02-29T08:40:02.212-08:0030 Rock's Perfect Leap Day Episode<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In order to wash the acrid taste that Stacey Dash's appearance at the Oscars has left in my mouth...</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eAR0owyz4CI/VtPnITmd6AI/AAAAAAAAFs4/Tzw6hcdxEcI/s1600/Tableau--30%2BRock%2BLeap%2BDay%2BWilliam.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eAR0owyz4CI/VtPnITmd6AI/AAAAAAAAFs4/Tzw6hcdxEcI/s320/Tableau--30%2BRock%2BLeap%2BDay%2BWilliam.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>MERRY LEAP DAY!</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And on this extra day, let's take some time and remember a perfect episode of television that was gifted to us four short years ago. Now, <i>30 Rock </i>is one of my favorite shows, and it will no doubt be remembered throughout all time for its great jokes, pacing, and commitment to a bit. But I also hope it will be remembered for giving us "Leap Day," an episode of TV dedicated to the most magical day of all </span>– February 29!<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"It's Leap Day. Real life is for March!"</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Back in 2012, <i>30 Rock </i>was in the midst of Season 6, in which pretty much every other episode revolves around a major holiday. That doesn't change with this ep, which revolves around everyone's favorite holiday (of the holidays that only occur every four years).</span></div>
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<b>"God grant you on this leap day fair / a calm wind and the ocean air </b></div>
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<b>Leap Day magic's all around / as Leap Day William comes to town"</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Creating a holiday from scratch is no easy task, and director Steve Buscemi and writer Luke Del Tredici throw themselves into crafting a compelling celebration that feels real and lived in, with enough bits and pieces of other holidays and traditions thrown in to film familiar.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"Leap Day William, Leap Day William, Bursting from the sea / </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Will he bring his bucket of sweets for Mom and Pop and me?"</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">At the center of the holiday is Leap Day William, a part-fish demon-like old man who emerges from the Mariana Trench every four years. He then proceeds to trade children's tears for candy (and, in a simpler time, cigarettes). On the scale of creepy requirements for giving out gifts to children, it lies somewhere between Santa demanding good behavior and the Tooth Fairy requiring your old dead molars. However, his disturbingly realistic gills on his neck and sharp fangs put him more in the Krampus category of holiday deities.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"Poke your eye, pull your hair, you forgot what clothes to wear."</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"Stomp on your foot, kick you in the knee. Yankees suck, Go Pats."</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2cubPr8Y2zY/VtPnIrpx_yI/AAAAAAAAFs8/LiqfDQ1ydKQ/s1600/Tableau--30%2BRock%2BSteve%2BLittle%2B%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2cubPr8Y2zY/VtPnIrpx_yI/AAAAAAAAFs8/LiqfDQ1ydKQ/s200/Tableau--30%2BRock%2BSteve%2BLittle%2B%25281%2529.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">The holiday also requires celebrants to wear a specific color combination in order to avoid a shaming from fellow Leap Dayers. Thankfully it's the fairly flattering combo of Blue and Yellow (I would happily smack the Irishman who decided I have to wear green while celebrating some dude named Patrick even though the color makes me look sallow).</span></span></div>
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Seeing the cast wearing primary colors brings a tear of joy to my eyes and warms my heart. It's a Leap Day miracle!</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"Hey, take a leap, pal!"</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!"</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uDmYsEOcG5c/VtPnHA61YgI/AAAAAAAAFso/-DwPqJ9SU-8/s1600/Tableau--30%2BRock%2BLeap%2BDay%2B%25283%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uDmYsEOcG5c/VtPnHA61YgI/AAAAAAAAFso/-DwPqJ9SU-8/s200/Tableau--30%2BRock%2BLeap%2BDay%2B%25283%2529.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">Like all good holidays, there's also a movie that teaches people exciting life lessons. In <i>30 Rock</i>, that film is <i>Leap Dave Williams</i>, starring Jim Carrey and Andie MacDowell. It's mostly a play on <i>The Santa Clause </i>with a bit of <i>Groundhog Day </i>and <i>Liar Liar </i>thrown in for good measure. An uptight lawyer (Dave Williams – Carrey) falls into an ice-fishing hole and turns into Leap Day William. He then proceeds to learn some valuable lessons, reconnect with his son, and solve "the big case from earlier." Because, as Andie MacDowell so pointedly says, real life is for March. If you've never seen it, USA Network has got you covered</span> – <span style="font-family: inherit;">they're running a 24-hour marathon!</span></div>
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<b>"I am always coughing up blood. Could that be Leap Day William trying to get out?"</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Stripped of all the ceremony and wacky hijinks, the Day of Leap is really a wonderful occasion that brings out the best in people. It's an extra day where you can take chances and do things you normally wouldn't do, like have sex with a billionaire for money, listen to rap music, or eat rhubarb leaves. It's also a day for spreading love, candy, and kindness. Even Tracy gets into the giving spirit, ignoring the fact that he's not getting a Leap Day bonus and spreading Benihana cheer to the homeless and less fortunate (one of whom is played by the delightful Hannibal Buress). </span></div>
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<b style="font-family: inherit;">"Nothing's impossible on Leap Day!"</b><br />
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Leap Day is a time for family. It's a time for joy. It's a time for eating that giant rhubarb in the Citarella window – the one as big as Kenneth! And remember...<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"Nothing that happens on Leap Day counts."</b></span></div>
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Merry Leap Day to us all!</div>
Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-11405487092691909432016-02-27T06:26:00.002-08:002016-02-27T06:26:26.301-08:002016 Best Picture Nominees: Part 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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With the Oscars (and the Independent Spirit Awards) nipping at our heels, it's time to review the final four movies nominated for Best Picture. And, because I love you and my own free time, I'm going to be quick about it:<br />
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">The Martian</span></b></i></div>
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<b>Starring</b> Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig (!), Sebastian Stan, Donald Glover (!!), Chiwetel Ejiofor, and someone who is Jeff Daniels or Jeff Bridges or Beau Bridges</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fBZrYy2B6LM/VtFKFevTuII/AAAAAAAAFr8/AfGbeCA6D-k/s1600/Tableau--Martian.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fBZrYy2B6LM/VtFKFevTuII/AAAAAAAAFr8/AfGbeCA6D-k/s320/Tableau--Martian.png" width="250" /></a><b>Directed by</b> Ridley Scott, <b>Written by</b> Drew Goddard<br />
<b><b>Story:</b> </b>Based on the novel of the same name, <i>The Martian </i>tells the story of botanist Mark Watney (Damon), who must brave the harsh Mars atmosphere and survive after being accidentally abandoned by his crew (he is presumed dead after a dust storm). Will NASA realize their mistake? Will his crew (led by <i>Interstellar</i>'s <strike>Murph</strike> Jessica Chastain) come back for him? Will the Asian-American characters in the book be played by white actors? The answer to those questions may surprise you. JK, the answer to all of them are "YES."</div>
<b style="text-align: justify;">Pros:</b><span style="text-align: justify;"> This is a movie anchored by long soliloquys from Watney, who passes his time on Mars by listening to disco music and recording everything he does for posterity. That kind of monologuing could be incredibly boring to watch, but Damon is fantastic. Even with all of his accomplishments, he's still an underrated actor, and this movie proves his worth on the screen. Also, after being impressed by the special effects of </span><i style="text-align: justify;">Interstellar </i><span style="text-align: justify;">but never connecting to the images, it's nice to watch a film that blends practical effects with special effects to create a very lived-in world. Obviously, director Ridley Scott knows how to make a space epic. Additionally, it's just a fun, well-crafted movie that moves along and makes you forget that you're largely watching a man grow potatoes and talk to himself.</span><br />
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<b>Cons:</b> Winning Best Comedy at the Golden Globes seems to be the biggest knock against it, because the film is more charming than comedic. Saying that you're going to "science the shit" out of something does not make your entire film a laugh riot. Also, it's a little repetitive, and everything happening off Mars is pretty boring. There's even a third-act romance that comes out of nowhere and does nothing.</div>
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<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture:</b> It's not wholly deserving of the prize. It's a solid, really entertaining movie with great performances, but it's not setting the world on fire.</div>
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<b>WILL it win Best Picture:</b> No.</div>
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<b>Fun Trivia for Oscar Night:</b> Mars was named after the Roman god of war. Mars Bars means "God of War Bars" in Italian.</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">The Revenant</span></i></b></div>
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<b>Starring </b>Le-Oscar-do DiOscario, a big bear, Tom Hardy, Domhnall Gleeson, Will Poulter, a horse carcass, and lots of people carcasses</div>
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<b>Directed by</b> Alejandro G. Iñárritu, <b>Written by</b> Mark L. Smith and Alejandro G. Iñárritu</div>
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<b>Story: </b>After a massacre and a pseudo-sexual bear attack, DiCaprio's Hugh Glass is left for dead and forced to fend off multiple attempts on his life on his quest for revenge.</div>
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<b>Pros: </b>The film is visually stunning, with really beautiful, bleak visuals throughout. Movies try to pull that whole "frontier life was difficult" stuff all the time, but this is the first movie where that hardship is palpable. People look miserable all the time. Acting-wise, Tom Hardy is fantastic as a ruthless and cunning villain whose desperation makes him all the more violent and cruel.</div>
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<b>Cons: </b>The effects are neat, but, special-effects wise, we're a few years away from having a completely CGI bear attack look real. The film is also difficult to watch for other reasons. Namely, because each physical hardship that DiCaprio and his costars face is uber-violent and full of blood and viscera. And DiCaprio, while a very talented actor, comes off a little "tryhard" in this. If the Oscars went to the actor who tried the hardest, he'd have it in the bag. You can feel his desperation for Academy recognition seeping through the screen.</div>
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<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture: </b>No. It's an interesting and beautiful film, but it's empty and cold. The violence leads nowhere, and it's unclear what message the film wants to send. Moreover, the movie makes some good strides in race-and-period accurate casting, but the Native Americans are also created as vague stereotypes.</div>
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<b>WILL it win Best Picture: </b>It certainly has a good shot. Iñárritu is probably winning Best Director, and DiCaprio is basically a lock for Best Actor. So that's...something. Also, tt's got a <i>Gravity</i>-feel to it that the Academy loves, but that movie didn't win the big prize. </div>
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<b>Fun Trivia for Oscar Night: </b>DiCaprio and his <i>Titanic </i>co-star Kate Winslet, who are both nominated this year, have been nominated for 13 Oscars, collectively. One of those nominations has resulted in a win. Because her name isn't Kate Nomination-slet. It's Kate Effing WINslet.<br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">UPDATE: I just Googled it, and Kate Winslet's middle name is actually Elizabeth, not Effing. I saw the "E." and jumped to conclusions.</span></i><br />
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Room</span></b></i></div>
<b>Starring</b> Brie Larson, Jacob Tremblay, Joan Allen, William H. Macy, some chairs, a bed, a sink, and not a whole lot else<br />
<b>Directed by</b> Lenny Abrahamson, <b>Written by</b><b> </b>Emma Donaghue<br />
<b>Story:</b> I don't want to spoil anything, but basically this is story of a small boy and his mother being held captive in a one-room bunker, and the ways in which she tries to make his life better and normal amidst terrible circumstances.<br />
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tb--Znvaqxk/VtFKIRe-8QI/AAAAAAAAFsM/zcycE8UfyiE/s1600/Tableau--Room.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tb--Znvaqxk/VtFKIRe-8QI/AAAAAAAAFsM/zcycE8UfyiE/s320/Tableau--Room.png" width="320" /></a><b>Pros: </b>Adapted from a novel by Donaghue (which I loved), <i>Room </i>seemed impossible to film. Tackling a difficult subject from a child's perspective is tricky, and the book occasionally gets mired in its own love of "kid speak." But this movie is a masterful (albeit super-depressing) film. Brie Larson as "Ma" and young Jacob Tremblay carry the film admirably. Larson, in particular, who has been killing it recently, turns in another stellar performance. The relationship between mother and son is necessary for the success of the film <span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">–</span> so much hinges on their believable chemistry, and there's not a false note between them the entire film. Huge portions of the film are shot in a room the size of a woodshed, and the cinematography and direction use that to great effect. The room expands and contracts depending on the needs to the story, sometimes seeming as big as a universe and sometimes as small as a cabinet.<br />
<b>Cons: </b>The film can get a little saccharine, and some of the representations of depression feel surface level (but saved by Larson). The film's score is also overbearing, and threatens to turn this film into a Lifetime original movie. Which isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but in this case it is.<br />
<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture: </b>It's a wonderful film. But if the Academy gives the award to Larson, then justice will be served.<br />
<b>WILL it win Best Picture: </b>No. It's too small, Not just in scope, but also in the fact that very few people have seen it.<br />
<b>Fun Trivia for Oscar Night: </b>Larson's character in the film is named Joy, which makes this one of three Oscar-nominated films this year where the main protagonist is named Joy (the others being <i>Inside Out </i>and <i>Joy</i>).<br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Spotlight</span></i></b></div>
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OmCDeXbXN_s/VtFKIBNQDEI/AAAAAAAAFsI/Uq7Dk6lidtM/s1600/Tableau--Spotlight.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OmCDeXbXN_s/VtFKIBNQDEI/AAAAAAAAFsI/Uq7Dk6lidtM/s320/Tableau--Spotlight.png" width="320" /></a><b>Starring </b>Michael Keaton, Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams, <a href="http://www.canmag.com/images/front/xmen/wolverine10.jpg" target="_blank">Sabretooth</a>, Brian d'Arcy James, Michael Cyril Creighton, and the scariest epilogue I've ever seen<br />
<b>Directed by </b>Tom McCarthy, <b>Written by</b> Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer<br />
<b>Story:</b> From the people who wanted to make a movie more difficult to watch than <i>The Revenant</i> comes <i>Spotlight...</i><br />
Lots of your favorite actors star as reporters at <i>The Boston Globe</i>, working to uncover the systemic corruption and history of child sexual assault in the Catholic church. Along the way, they face opposition from the staunchly religious city of Boston, their own editors, and their own family. On the quest for answers, they uncover more unspeakably awful truths about men who exploit power and the people that cover up their crimes.<br />
<b>Pros: </b>Though this story is now well-worn territory, it's impressive to think that it only came out a little over a decade ago. Tom McCarthy, who has made amazing films like <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2011/04/film-review-win-win.html" target="_blank">Win Win</a> </i>and <i>The Station Agent,</i> has written and directed a haunting film that looks at this true crime story from all angles, spending time to understand the many things that are supremely f*cked up about it. The film shows us corruption and sexual assault, but it also shows how normal, good people can be a part of the problem due to trust in an institution and skepticism of people who speak out against power. There's a lot of ground to cover, and the film could have become mired in exposition, but the writers blend story and character so seamlessly that it doesn't feel preachy or talky. It just feels real and brutal. Stellar performances from Mark Ruffalo, Brian d'Arcy James, and Rachel McAdams bring the material to life as the story unfolding hits closer and closer to the characters' homes.<br />
<b>Cons: </b>I'm not sure. It's a really great movie.<br />
<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture: </b>Yes. It's all the things you want from a movie. It's engaging, it's soul-crushing, it tackles a huge issue from a personal perspective, and Michael Keaton is in it.<br />
<b>WILL it win Best Picture: </b>It's lost some momentum on the awards circuit as<b> </b><i>The Revenant </i>chugs right along to Trophy Town. Still, I'm hoping for a win here.<br />
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Time to buckle up for The Oscars. It's going to be a <strike>wild</strike> tepid ride.</div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-62989554283424451512016-02-24T06:34:00.000-08:002016-02-24T06:34:16.042-08:002016 Best Picture Nominees: Part 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hello, reader people. Sorry for the silence this last month, After watching <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2016/01/365-days-365-movies-december-star-wars.html" target="_blank">425 movies in 2015</a>, I've been finding it difficult to work up any energy about pop culture. Even updates on the <i>Gilmore Girls </i>revival have failed to rise me from my apathy. Well, that's a lie; I'm not made of stone. #TeamDean #Iknowhesabuttfacedmiscreantbuthewasinterestingandsweetinthefirstseason</div>
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Anyway... the OscarsSoWhite are this Sunday, which means it's time for film buffs the world over to fill out ballots, giddily predict winners with friends while getting mani-pedis, and angrily yell (in a bar at 8pm) about the fact that <i>Dope </i>isn't even nominated. That last one is maybe just me.<br />
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If you're like most members of the American public, you probably haven't seen most of the films up for Best Picture. I get it. Some of them are hella boring, and your time is precious. Still, nobody likes to be left out during a party (unless you're a dog that needs to pee), so I'm here to help you in your time of need. Consider me your Oscars Sherpa. Over the next two blog posts, I'll lay out the strengths and weaknesses of the nominees for Best Picture while also giving you some bon mots to keep your fellow partygoers delighted. Let's dig in!</div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">The Big Short</span></b></i></div>
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<b>Starring</b> Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale, Brad Pitt, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finn_Wittrock" target="_blank">Dandy from <i>AHS</i></a>, Marisa Tomei, Hamish Linklater, and a ton of brown-haired white dudes</div>
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<b>Directed by</b> Adam McKay, <b>Written by</b> Charles Randolph and Adam McKay</div>
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<b>Story: </b>Basically it's the story of the housing market and economic collapse of 2008 disguised as a heist film. It's told from the perspective of the dudes who realized that the market was being over-inflated and made a lot of money betting on the prediction that the bubble would burst.</div>
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<b>Pros:</b> It's incredibly well-acted, particularly from Steve Carell (who is really the only sympathetic figure in the film). It's a great way to learn about recent American history, and it's fun that the tutors are Selena Gomez and Margot Robbie. It's occasionally funny and sporadically light-hearted.</div>
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<b>Cons:</b> The movie feels a little disjointed tonally and story-wise. None of the individual characters/story lines connect with one another (Christian Bale feels like he's on an ice floe separated from the rest of the main cast) and it ping-pongs wildly between comedy and drama. Also, like <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2014/02/quick-reviews-2014-best-picture_27.html#more" target="_blank">The Wolf of Wall Street</a> </i>before it, this is a film about awful people. They're markedly less awful than the people around them, but they're still betting on the fact that millions of people are going to lose money and financially collapse. Sure, it would happen even if they weren't betting on it, and they seem to get really torn up about it. But the fact that they are <i>frowning </i>while wealthy doesn't negate the fact that they are still becoming richer while other people suffer. All the <i>Ocean's 11-</i>type stylistic choices (and <i>Ocean's 11</i>'s own Brad Pitt) aren't enough to make you forget that.</div>
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<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture:</b> No. It's a fine movie that should be remembered as an educational tool full of educational tools.</div>
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<b>WILL it win Best Picture:</b> It's one of three front-runners for Best Picture, but the prospects aren't good.</div>
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<b>Fun Trivia for Oscar Night:</b> If you look hard enough at the cast, you'll find at least one black person who is a woman and a few Asian Americans. None of them are the protagonists.</div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bridge of Spies</b></span></i></div>
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<b style="text-align: justify;">Starring</b><span style="text-align: justify;"> Tom Hanks, that </span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0687146/" style="text-align: justify;" target="_blank">guy from </a><i style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0687146/" target="_blank">Friday Night Lights</a></i><span style="text-align: justify;">, Mark Rylance, I think a guy who was in that movie with a dolphin without a tail, winter coats, a bridge that's not as full of spies as I was promised, and Amy Ryan</span><br />
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<b>Directed by</b> Steven Spielberg, <b>Written by</b> Matt Charman, Ethan Coen, and Joel Coen</div>
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<b>Story: </b>In this "based on a true story" tale, Tom Hanks stars as a lawyer tasked with putting up a defense for a captured Soviet spy but puts too much <i>oomph</i> into it. And then he's hated by the American people. And then there's a bridge that has, like, two spies on it <i>max</i>. And then maybe America loses but democracy wins?</div>
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<b>Pros:</b> Amy Ryan brings a lot of weight to a role that is super light on the page, and Tom Hanks is reliably good. Better than he is in <i>The Terminal </i>(more like <i>The Interminable</i>, amirite), less good than he is in <i>Big. </i>Cold War spy dramas are really interesting, because there is a ton of build-up but often very little payoff. World War II ended with explosions. The Cold War sort of just fizzled out due to a poorly-planned skirmish with Afghanistan and some crumbling, load-bearing structures. That kind of unresolved tension fun to watch. Spielberg creates a type of gentleman's war, where decency is prized above all else, and all of the spying is so obvious it isn't even threatening. Like, anyone could catch these spies <span style="font-family: calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 14.6667px;">–</span> there's not a Sydney Bristow among them. The film is also lovingly shot and, given that the story is super predictable, occasionally engaging.</div>
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<b>Cons: </b>From the man who directed the super boring <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2012/02/quick-reviews-best-picture-nominees.html" target="_blank">War Horse</a> </i>comes an even more boring and less nuanced movie about an even colder war. I love Steven Spielberg, but this movie is <i>so</i> slowly paced and uninteresting. He's out of step with how films should feel and move. There are also very few surprises in the film. From the beginning, you know whether or not Rylance's Rudolf Abel is a spy for the USSR, and that knowledge robs you of any excitement as the plot unfolds. Also, without the musical help of John Williams (whose score basically carried the lame <i>War Horse </i>on its back), the film falls flat. Every single person involved in this project has done something better. Also, there aren't nearly enough spies on the titular bridge.</div>
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<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture: </b>No. This is a nomination resulting from the contractual obligation of old Academy members to vote for everything Spielberg does, regardless of quality.</div>
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<b>WILL it win Best Picture: </b>No. </div>
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<b>Fun Trivia for Oscar Night: </b>One of the most stirring moments in the film, wherein Hanks watches people get shot while trying to escape over a wall, never actually happened to the real life person Hanks is playing. It's cheap emotional chicanery.</div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Brooklyn</b></span></i></div>
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<b>Starring</b> Saoirse "rhymes with inertia" Ronan, Jim Broadbent, Emily Bett Rickards, Molly Weasley, Domhnall Gleeson, Emory Cohen, and Jessica
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<b>Directed by </b>John Crowley, <b>Written by </b>Nick Hornby</div>
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<b>Story: </b>Based on the novel by Colm Toibin, <i>Brooklyn </i>is the story of Eilis (Ronan), a young woman living in a small Irish town in the 1950s who moves to Brooklyn to make something of herself. Along the way, she makes mistakes, falls in love, and feels the pull of Ireland calling her home.</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4fld-kIggjs/VsznunowDyI/AAAAAAAAFrI/37JX_ANh9w0/s1600/Tableau--Brooklyn.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4fld-kIggjs/VsznunowDyI/AAAAAAAAFrI/37JX_ANh9w0/s320/Tableau--Brooklyn.png" width="320" /></a><b>Pros:</b> This is the first of the films on this list that made my <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2016/01/the-best-films-of-2015.html" target="_blank">Best Picture list</a>. Successful adaptations of novels are surprisingly rare, because it's easy to make a film that feels dependent on the novel for full enjoyment (like <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2011/06/harry-plotter-movie-4.html" target="_blank">Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire</a></i>) or so faithful to the novel that the film fails to breathe any life onto the screen (like <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/harry-plotter-movie-1.html" target="_blank">Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone</a></i>). I haven't read the book on which <i>Brooklyn </i>is based, but I imagine it would be easy to adapt it into an incredibly boring film. This movie avoids boredom traps with the help of a great writer (Hornby) and an exceptional cast, led by the wonderful lost-Fanning-sister Saoirse Ronan. With power players on both sides of the camera, the film crackles with understated intensity and warmth. Eilis's journey becomes a relevant story of hope, rather than falling onto the pile of forgettable films in the same genre. It's also an incredibly pretty movie. I am disgusted by just the thought of beaches (sand <span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.6667px;">–</span> ugh, saltwater <span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.6667px;">–</span> double ugh), but the cinematography and costuming had me dreaming of putting on an <a href="https://theeyeoffaith.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/group-of-friends-from-the-1910s2.jpg" target="_blank">old-timey one-piece</a> and heading to Coney Island for a dip.</div>
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<b>Cons:</b> It's a long film, but the last fifteen minutes feel rushed, which seems to be a problem with 2015 films starring Domhnall Gleeson (ahem <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2016/01/film-review-star-wars-force-awakens.html" target="_blank">Star Wars</a> </i>and <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/06/hit-or-miss-quick-movie-reviews-9.html#more" target="_blank">Ex Machina</a></i>). I don't want to spoil any part of the movie, but Eilis has some decisions to make in the final act, and the film doesn't give her time to breathe and think. It all gets a little fluffy and fast in the final frames.</div>
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<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture: </b>It's a beautiful movie full of beautiful people, but it probably would have been a stronger contender 10 years ago. Or even 30 years ago.</div>
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<b>WILL it win Best Picture: </b>Nope. Ronan has the best chance at Oscar gold, and even she's a longshot.</div>
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<b>Fun Trivia for Oscar Night: </b>Though the film is primarily set in Brooklyn, only two days were spent there during filming. That's a boring fact, but it's the best I could do.</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Mad Max: Fury Road </span></i></b></div>
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<b>(pasting and re-editing in my earlier review)</b></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GcdH1fVu7y8/Vs25VEJ8G6I/AAAAAAAAFrk/8_2gMmqWx04/s1600/Tableau--Mad%2BMax%2BFury%2BRoad%2B1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GcdH1fVu7y8/Vs25VEJ8G6I/AAAAAAAAFrk/8_2gMmqWx04/s200/Tableau--Mad%2BMax%2BFury%2BRoad%2B1.png" width="147" /></a><b>Starring</b> Charlize Theron, Tom Hardy, Nicholas Hoult, Hugh Keays-Byrne, Zoe Kravitz, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and a ton of super pale Australians<br />
<b>Directed by</b> <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">George Miller, </span>Written by</span><b> </b>George Miller, Brendan McCarthy, and Nick Lathouris<br />
<b style="font-weight: bold;">The Story:</b><b> </b>Set in an even more dystopian future than the first three <i>Mad Max</i> films, the titular Max once again finds himself in a situation where he begrudgingly helps out a band of underdogs (because it's the right thing to do, dammit!). But the movie is really more about Imperator Furiosa (Theron), a driver for the megalomaniacal Immortan Joe who takes an opportunity to do something good by depriving Joe of the thing(s) he loves most. What starts (and ends) as a car chase becomes a fight for decency and redemption.</div>
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<b style="font-weight: bold;">Pros:</b><b> </b>This movie is gorgeous from start to finish. I've never seen a desert so beautiful and haunting, a bleak and constant reminder of the dangers the heroes face. Practical special effects make everything more interesting, and there's a guitar-playing <a href="https://45.media.tumblr.com/773fa9d56b9a6dcda3dcb0c4b5304c3e/tumblr_nqjosqeUAL1rrhhnko3_500.gif" target="_blank">Doof Warrior</a> who is a lot of fun to watch. It's easy to discount the acting, with the minimal dialogue making the characters more like action figures than real people. However, Theron, Hardy, and Hoult all turn in amazing performances, able to balance the camp and grit of the film without being overwhelmed by it.</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--AEHfpxZ96g/Vs25Vr9z6OI/AAAAAAAAFro/x5VEryk-3XI/s1600/Tableau--Mad%2BMax%2BFury%2BRoad.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--AEHfpxZ96g/Vs25Vr9z6OI/AAAAAAAAFro/x5VEryk-3XI/s200/Tableau--Mad%2BMax%2BFury%2BRoad.png" width="200" /></a><b>Cons:</b> Honestly, there are very few cons. It's basically one-long chase/battle sequence, so it does occasionally feel repetitive. An extensive sequence in a dust-storm is particularly unnecessary, but it is really pretty.</div>
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<b>SHOULD it win Best Picture: </b><span style="text-align: left;">This surprisingly-feminist action movie is glorious from start to finish. It would be crazy if it won Best Picture, but in a good way.</span></div>
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<b>WILL it win Best Picture: </b>Probably not. It's genre-heavy in a genre that's not loved by the Academy.</div>
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<b>Fun Trivia for Oscar Night: </b>Director George Miller said he would not return for another installment, but then changed his tune as soon as he was nominated for Best Director.</div>
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That's all for Part 1. Check back soon for my reviews of the other four films nominated for Best Picture, and have a great day!</div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-19858846772322088312016-01-14T09:45:00.003-08:002016-02-24T12:04:54.858-08:00The Best Films of 2015<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this is a super timely thing I put together.</td></tr>
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I wanted to wait to post my thoughts on 2015 films until the Oscar nominations were announced today. It didn't change my choices, but hopefully it works as a continuation of the conversation. Below are my choices for the best films of 2015, with my (somewhat long-winded) thought process on how I came to these decisions.</div>
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Oscar nominees for Best Picture are <span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">highlighted</span>:</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Top 15 Films 2015</b></span></div>
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<li><i style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: inherit;"><b>Spotlight</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Inside Out</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>What We Do in the
Shadows</b></i></li>
<li><i style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: inherit;"><b>Brooklyn</b></i></li>
<li><i style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: inherit;"><b>Room</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Dope</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Amy</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Anomalisa</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/04/my-mom-and-i-review-some-movies-and-tv.html#more" target="_blank">Kingsman: The Secret Service</a></b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Straight Outta Compton</b></i></li>
<li><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><b><i style="font-family: inherit;">Mad Max: Fury</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">Road</i></b></span></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Experimenter</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Ex Machina</b></i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Creed</b></i></li>
<li><i style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: inherit;"><b>The Martian</b></i></li>
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</div></div></div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2016/01/the-best-films-of-2015.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-51235296913853469182016-01-12T09:07:00.004-08:002016-01-14T10:35:33.918-08:00365 Days, 365 Movies: December [Star Wars-apalooza]<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the clock striking midnight and the world heralding a new year, I officially ended my year-long adventure in daily movie watching. Having actually reached my <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/12/365-days-365-movies-october-november.html" target="_blank">365 total in mid-November</a>, December was more of a victory lap than anything else. I thought I would just watch a few movies (28 or so) to get up to 400 movies for the year, And then I ended up watching 53. </span><br>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My focus was broad, but I definitely spent my time with three big categories: Oscar contenders, Holiday movies, and <i>Star Wars </i>films. I'll talk Oscar contenders soon, and Holiday movies have been dissected and vivisected 100 times over. I would talk about <i>Star Wars</i>, but who wants that? Sure, the films taught me a lot of lessons about life and filmmaking and the prequels clued me into the fact that nothing golden can stay and that we're all going to die someday, but let's not talk about that. Let's look at a list!</span></div>
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</div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2016/01/365-days-365-movies-december-star-wars.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-6693321077275960012016-01-06T09:57:00.000-08:002016-01-14T10:35:22.582-08:00Film Review: 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll get to Maz Kanata in a minute</td></tr>
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To say that I was excited about the newest <i>Star Wars </i>film is a huge understatement. Having attended first-night, 12:00 screenings of the prequels (<i>Episodes 1-3</i>), I know how very
real the disappointment in <i>Star Wars </i>can
be. Still, I'm a huge fan of J.J. Abrams (<i>Alias
</i>is still my favorite show of all time, for some reason), and all of the
trailers and behind-the-scenes interviews/clips made the movie seem, if nothing else, cool. So I went into the theater with a little trepidation but a lot of joy. And since it's fun to rope other people into my nervous psychosis, I brought family along as well. Below are our ALMOST COMPLETELY SPOILER FREE reviews of the film:</div>
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</div></div></div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2016/01/film-review-star-wars-force-awakens.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-36131055646369674142015-12-24T09:10:00.000-08:002016-01-14T10:35:13.454-08:00365 Days, 365 Movies: October & November<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grace Kelly: Fancy</td></tr>
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It's been a crazy 11 months, but October and November finally saw me meeting my goal of watching 365 movies in 2015. Since the majority of the films I'd watched before October were from 1990-2015 (with over 150 coming from the last two years), I thought I would focus more on 'classic' cinema for October and November, particularly old musicals (because Netflix) the films of Katharine Hepburn (who holds the record for most Oscars won) and Grace Kelly. It ended up being a fun couple of months filled with adorable old-timey accents.</div>
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I also got to pick my 365th movie, which I chose with a little trepidation. I decided to watch two of my favorite movies, <i>Rope </i>and <i>Home for the Holidays</i>, as my lead-up movies, and I decided to watch <i>Citizen Kane </i>as my 365th. I'd never seen it, and people seem to like it, so it seemed like a good choice.</div>
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</div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/12/365-days-365-movies-october-november.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-30367854662533949432015-12-11T09:12:00.001-08:002015-12-23T17:30:08.329-08:00365 Days, 365 Movies: September [Charlie's Angels]<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b23nufNoaTk/Vmr3paJrc7I/AAAAAAAAFkU/QbMHjpFXPxM/s1600/Tableau--365%2BMovies%2BSeptember%2B%2528Charlie%2527s%2BAngels%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-b23nufNoaTk/Vmr3paJrc7I/AAAAAAAAFkU/QbMHjpFXPxM/s320/Tableau--365%2BMovies%2BSeptember%2B%2528Charlie%2527s%2BAngels%2529.png" style="cursor: move;" width="320"></a>You guys! Watching an average of one movie a day has been a glorious experiment, but I'm almost positive that it's making me a dumber person. My reflexes are slower, my reading skills are diminished, and sometimes I space out for minutes at a time. I might be getting more film-literate, but at what cost!? Anyway, I still thought I would do a post about the movies that I watched way back in September, so that, if I end up turning into a real dumb-dumb, someone will be able to track my descent into dunce-hood through this blog.</div>
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September was the most fruitful month for me in terms of the amount of movies watched -- <b>62 in 30 days!</b> I very quickly decided that my theme was going to be the films of the women and men of <i>Charlie's Angels</i>, the 2000 movie starring Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu. Surprisingly, there were a lot of films by those three women that I hadn't seen. Additionally, I watched the films of Bill Murray and Luke Wilson, because they're both fairly important to the movie as well. Below are the movies I saw from each of them, and my thoughts on their filmography so far. Of the 62 movies I watched in September, 30 of them included some member of the <i>Charlie's Angels </i>family:<br>
</div></div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/12/365-days-365-movies-september.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-76732924301139770432015-11-20T13:57:00.002-08:002015-11-20T13:57:14.417-08:00Hello.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4vvyhf_l_Do/Vk-SfqEPavI/AAAAAAAAFjw/1NMa59kJq5E/s1600/Tableau--Adele%2B%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4vvyhf_l_Do/Vk-SfqEPavI/AAAAAAAAFjw/1NMa59kJq5E/s320/Tableau--Adele%2B%25281%2529.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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It's been over two months since I last posted anything to this blog. Work got busy, a baby took up all my free time, and I wasn't really in a mood to write. And then...</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2hl0D3O9JeI/Vk-SPWuPC5I/AAAAAAAAFjo/8oP4wbrnDIQ/s1600/Adele.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2hl0D3O9JeI/Vk-SPWuPC5I/AAAAAAAAFjo/8oP4wbrnDIQ/s320/Adele.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://giphy.com/gifs/hello-adele-NqDD834oiqpfG" target="_blank">source</a>)</td></tr>
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... someone went and woke me up again. That is, I had the extreme pleasure to see Adele perform today, as part of an iHeartRadio broadcast that should be airing any minute now. She was performing at Joe's Pub, the site of her US debut 7 years prior and my favorite music venue in the world.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Adele at Joe's Pub<br />(Photo Credit: Danny Williams)</td></tr>
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She was amazing, both in her performance and the following interview. She's like a fun mix of Jennifer Lawrence;s relatability, Emma Thompson's goofy wit, and Shirley Bassey's pipes. Obviously, "Hello"<i> </i>has been playing on repeat in my apartment for weeks (and the houses and apartment of literally tens of millions of people), and her album, <i>25</i>, has already had a few plays on the ol' iPhone. But I've never heard her perform live, and it's a truly incredible experience. Her voice is so powerful and pure, and the emotional resonance of her songs are so clear. </div>
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And then she's funny, too, in ways that are kind of unexpected. She drops jokes about motherhood and incontinence with equal aplomb, and her full-throated cackle is infectious.</div>
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She's a very personable artist who's created another incredibly personal album. Aren't we all lucky to be a part of it?</div>
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Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to collapse into a heap of my own emotions and listen to the album again.</div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-1862953561303000772015-09-09T07:21:00.000-07:002016-01-14T10:35:00.086-08:00365 Days, 365 Movies: August<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julia Roberts: A Profile</td></tr>
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August was quite a crazy month for me, both personally and professionally, but I managed to sneak in 31 movies in as many days. (How do I do it!?) Due to my hectic schedule, I once again ended the month without a theme. I started on August 1 with <i>My Best Friend's Wedding</i>, a rom-com I love more than my children, and thought that it might start a month of Romantic Comedies or Julia Roberts movies or Cameron Diaz vehicles. As you'll see from my list below, that didn't happen <span style="font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">–</span> I did eventually watch another Dermot Mulroney movie and another Diaz movie, so I guess that counts for something. I also ended up going to the theater a lot in August, which resulted in a higher-than-average number of New Releases.</div>
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</div></div></div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/09/365-days-365-movies-august.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-6263996133432354802015-08-11T13:54:00.000-07:002016-01-14T10:37:44.331-08:00365 Days, 365 Movies: June and July<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Welcome to the Summer, when television goes away and movies
get louder and stupider! I focused
on Reese Witherspoon movies in May (in my quest to watch 365 movies in 365
days), and it was great. I really had a
new-found respect for her. So, for June, I focused on another great American actor. I'm speaking, of course, of Kurt Russell. For July, I just tried to clear my Netflix queue AND go to the theater as much as possible, really soaking in that free air conditioning.</span></div>
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</div></div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/08/365-days-365-movies-june-and-july.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-70921482431764228372015-07-09T09:25:00.001-07:002015-07-30T10:36:06.785-07:00Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 10 – FEMINISM!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-khkJDLplZKc/VZ6JmcAiwZI/AAAAAAAAFd4/ScehgFirlo4/s1600/Tableau--Terminator%2BGenisys%2B%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-khkJDLplZKc/VZ6JmcAiwZI/AAAAAAAAFd4/ScehgFirlo4/s320/Tableau--Terminator%2BGenisys%2B%25281%2529.png" width="270"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Terminator: Stigmata</i></td></tr>
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Watching <i>Terminator: Genisys </i>this weekend, I was perplexed at what was on the screen. I haven't really seen the first <i>Terminator </i>films (I saw <i>Terminator Salvation </i>for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJHK6Ac9gKk" target="_blank">HBC reasons</a>), but Sarah Connor is supposed to be one of the strongest female characters in film history. Yet, throughout the movie, her only purpose is to be the eventual mother of John Connor. Then, from there on out, he does the heavy lifting as the leader of the war against the machines. Is she the savior or merely the vessel for the savior? Is she completely defined by her ability to give birth, or can she be the master of her own fate?</div>
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Now, this problem of predestination is something that plagues time travel movies regardless of the gender of the lead, but the plight of Sarah Connor made me think more about female representation in film more generally. Not just the number of women on screen, but also how their presence shapes the narrative.</div>
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So, for this edition of <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/search/label/Hit%20or%20Miss" target="_blank">Hit or Miss</a>, I thought it best to look at the current top-grossing, female-starring movies at the box office (not counting <i>Mad Max: Fury Road</i>, which I loved and <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/06/hit-or-miss-quick-movie-reviews-9.html" target="_blank">already reviewed</a>). Forthwith are my reviews of the movies, paying special attention to the ladies therein:<br>
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</div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/07/hit-or-miss-quick-movie-reviews-10.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-32091744459721534832015-06-17T12:56:00.000-07:002015-06-17T12:57:44.267-07:00'Jurassic World' Comic<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>I haven't gotten up the energy to write a review of <i>Jurassic World</i>.</b><br />
<b>So, I drew a comic instead:</b></div>
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Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-40875758845682688282015-06-10T08:03:00.000-07:002016-01-14T10:37:46.678-08:00365 Days, 365 Movies: May<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6bDkkZePooY/VXhOauOyDdI/AAAAAAAAFbM/MY4pfWM-BKw/s1600/Tableau--365%2BDays%2BMay.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6bDkkZePooY/VXhOauOyDdI/AAAAAAAAFbM/MY4pfWM-BKw/s320/Tableau--365%2BDays%2BMay.png" width="320"></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm not even
half-way through the year, and I'm already growing tired of watching (roughly) a
movie a day. While I can wile away several hours watching a single television
show, watching a movie each day has begun to feel like a chore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">To help combat the
rising tide of ennui, I decided to set a task for myself: pick an actor, and
watch as many of his/her films as I can in one month. I immediately chose Reese Witherspoon, for
many reasons. First, her movie <i><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/06/hit-or-miss-quick-movie-reviews-9.html" target="_blank">Hot Pursuit</a> </i>came out in May, which meant that I had an excuse to go to a movie
theater. Second, she is an actress that I <a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2013/05/reese-witherspoons-arrest-is-best-thing.html" target="_blank">really love</a>, but I can't, for the
life of me, pin down which of her performances inspire that devotion. And
third, <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on"><i>Sweet Home</i></st1:city><i> <st1:state w:st="on">Alabama</st1:state></i></st1:place><i> </i>was playing on TV while I was trying to make up my mind, and I
didn't want to subject myself to Patrick Dempsey movie marathon, partially
because I'm still mad about his exit from <i>Grey's
Anatomy</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, I watched a
bunch (12, technically) of Witherspoon hits this month, and I'll have more to say about that down the line.
For now, though, stare and weep at my mastery of watching films.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div></div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/06/365-days-365-movies-may.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-52262370235698603342015-06-02T07:27:00.000-07:002016-01-14T10:37:53.660-08:00Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 9: Procrastinator Edition<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hello there, dear readers. I haven't written a legit blog post in almost two months, and the ratio of movies I've seen vs. movies I've reviews has gotten impressively large. The main reason behind that is that I was a producer on a television series for most of April and May, which meant most of my free time was spent thinking about one specific TV show rather than writing about a myriad TV shows and movies. To rectify that, I present condensed reviews of many of the recent releases I've imbibed. Should you HIT the theater to watch them, or maybe MISS them entirely. The only way to know is to read on!!</div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Age of Adaline</span></b></i></div>
<b>Starring:</b> Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman, Ellen Burstyn, and Harrison Ford<br>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Time goes by so slowly<br>
for those who wait.</td></tr>
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<b>The Story: </b>After a car crash and a freak electrocution, Adaline (Lively) is dismayed to find out that she can't age. Afraid of what the government might do to her if they find out, she continually changes her identity and runs away from any kind of attachment. Her only confidant is her daughter (Ellen Burstyn), who Adaline must watch age while she stays the same.</div>
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<b>Pros: </b>It's an interesting story, and it's well-acted. Blake Lively convincingly portrays a 100+ year-old in a 20-something body.</div>
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<b>Cons: </b>The narration is clunky and unnecessary, and the film's attempts to scientifically explain Adaline's condition only makes her condition seem even more ludicrous. And, despite glimpses of her past, the story stays mostly in the present, which deprives the audience of seeing Adaline as she makes her way through life in the 1900s. Instead, we watch a tepid love story between two very attractive people, one of whom has a secret. Oooooo.</div>
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<b>Consensus:</b> This movie is totally worth a $1 rental in Redbox, and it's not a bad way to spend two hours if you can't find anything good on Netflix. Still, it's totally <b>MISS-</b>able in theaters.</div>
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</div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/06/hit-or-miss-quick-movie-reviews-9.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4337906194973092266.post-13677801745130997262015-05-06T10:13:00.002-07:002016-01-14T10:38:16.023-08:00365 Days, 365 Movies: April<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1XcV5HCqb4M/VUpLYYZEhgI/AAAAAAAAFYo/zsgnzK0pkCk/s1600/Tableau--365%2BDays%2BApril%2B(1).png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1XcV5HCqb4M/VUpLYYZEhgI/AAAAAAAAFYo/zsgnzK0pkCk/s1600/Tableau--365%2BDays%2BApril%2B(1).png" width="200"></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I blogged approximately zero times in the last month, partially because
I was busy with work and partially because I didn't really want to. Sure, I want
to get around to talking about </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">Daredevil </i><span style="font-family: inherit;">and </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">Furious 7</i><span style="font-family: inherit;">, but I
also don't want to do those things. Apathy, it has taken over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I still managed to watch a crap load of movies and television, though:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">MOVIES</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strike>26</strike><b> 28</b> Films in
March, <strike>110</strike> <b>112 Total</b> in 2015</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(<strike>10</strike> <b>8</b> MOVIES BEHIND SCHEDULE!!!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">New Releases are <b>Bolded</b>:</span></div>
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</div></div><a href="http://tableauyourmind.blogspot.com/2015/05/365-days-365-movies-april.html#more">Hit The Jump »</a>Tableauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18171265533506063243noreply@blogger.com