Aug 26, 2012

Neil Armstrong Dies, Is Reincarnated as Snooki's Baby

Late-Term Ultrasound of baby Armstrong-LaValle
With death comes new life. Never has this been more true than today, when Neil Armstrong was successfully reincarnated as Jersey Shore cast member Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's new son, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle. This represents a big win for the good people at NASA, who have been working tirelessly to perfect astronaut reincarnation since being inspired by a late-night viewing of Charlie Kaufman's Being John Malkovich in 1999.

The process has only been operational as of early 2012, and, when Armstrong died on August 25th, scientists worked quickly and efficiently to transplant his essence into the child in Ms. Polizzi's womb. There were some complications, which resulted in the baby being born slightly ahead of
schedule. Said NASA Chief Charles Embolden, this type of maverick attitude and can-do spirit is what drove Armstrong to make such strides for aeronautics. He released a statement today stating, "Frankly, I would have been disappointed had he NOT been born at least slightly premature."

While manned space missions are all but a thing of the past, NASA hopes that Armstrong/LaValle will make great strides to ensure that the imperfect vacuum we call Outer Space will not be forgotten, and that the child will grow to lead the way in the next stages of rocketry and interplanetary travel. They also hope to try the procedure again, provided of course that a Jersey Shore cast member gets pregnant around the time another astronaut falls gravely ill.

For her part, Ms. Polizzi has released a statement calling her cosmonaut son "the greatest gift she's ever pooped out" and "a little crotchety."  While the baby is maturing into a competent adult, NASA hopes to return its attention to the skies, mostly just to try and figure out where exactly they put all those rovers.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...