Dec 31, 2012

My Parents Review 'Pitch Perfect'

My family loves two things unconditionally: hanging out with each other, and watching movies. So, when my family descends on New York City for Christmas and New Year's Eve, we do a lot of both. This weekend, we watched Pitch Perfect (along with a variety of other films), a film about growing up, college, and a cappella singing competitions (natch). It was produced and spearheaded by Elizabeth Banks, who we here at Tableau Your Mind love so very much.

Since my parents were engaging in spirited debate after the movie, I thought I would share the conversation that followed between them. For the record, I really like this movie. I think that there are some tonal problems, but overall I was completely charmed by it. Here are my parents thoughts:

Mom: I loved it. Other teenage movies are so juvenile. This one doesn't feel as teenage-y. It's a a little more adult. The premise is not so different than other movies; it follows the same beats. I enjoyed the girls. I enjoyed all the girls. Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) - I like the way she used her body. She puts herself out there, makes her body part of the comedy. She's comfortable in her body, she's not self-conscious. She's hilarious. 

Dad: Overall I did not like the movie. I like the singing - top notch. 

Mom: I loved the songs. You said you have the soundtrack? I want that.

Dad: But you don't know who the market they were playing to. At first I thought it would be a family movie, but then I thought it was trying to be crude and crass, like, what's that movie? Bumped up? Knocked up! They missed out on the family audience with all the sex and the dicks, and it's not funny enough for people that like that kind of sophomoric and obvious humor. It's a poorly designed movie. The plot was just sort of thrown together. The only character development was with the magician character (Ben Platt).

Mom: I quite liked the magician.

DadHe was the best developed of all the male parts, which was unfortunate, since he was such a small part. Still,  it was nice that they worked on his character, because it came around and was important later. But the guy in the club that had to leave (Adam DeVine)? It didn't make any sense. They could have gotten someone else.

Mom: Hmm...

Dad: Seriously, who would you buy this movie for? Funny-wise, it wasn't that funny; family-wise, it wasn't right for the family. Dancing and singing-wise, it was beautiful, but everything else fell apart. It felt like a bunch of people throwing something together over the weekend.  Plus, so much of the movie hinged on whether the audience has seen The Breakfast Club. If you haven't seen it, Beca's (Anna Kendrick) character change doesn't really make sense.

Mom: For a senior citizen like him, it doesn't work.

Dad: You want her to be involved in The Breakfast Club. I don't know the ending, I don't know what she's reacting to.  There are too many leaps.

Mom: That would be showing too much. They have to focus on the real movie, not the movie within the movie. Even of you haven't seen the movie, you can tell that it's a powerful ending.


Dad: It just didn't work for me.


Ratings:

Dad: Hated it

Mom: Liked it

Dec 20, 2012

Windswept Liz Lemon [30 Rock]

We're kind of sleepwalking through 30 Rock Thursday Rock right now, both because it is the middle of the holiday season and because we haven't had heat in our apartment in 5 days. So, here is a picture of a windswept, hair-tousled Liz Lemon to tide you over until we have something more substantive to post. You're welcome.

She's the 40-something-year-old Daria we always wanted.

Dec 14, 2012

Sarah Silverman PSA: Be Bro-Choice

We here at Tableau Your Mind are not political. We would love to be, but when we try to learn about politics we end up more confused and/or bored. But we do love Sarah Silverman, who is pretty outspoken politically. And we also love this video, if only because of the last three words that Sarah Silverman says. Wait for it:




To Blow You! That's basically an endorsement of this blog!  Hooray!

Dec 13, 2012

Great 30 Rock Moments

What do you do with the Pop-Tart?
There's no new 30 Rock tonight, but we made a commitment (basically to ourselves) that we would celebrate 30 Rock each Thursday on Tableau Your Mind. Since we're pretty tired from playing as hard as we work, we thought we would share a few of our favorite quotes from the show. Without really meaning to, all of these quotes are from the 2nd Season, so it doesn't necessarily represent a great cross-section of the show. Still, it's fun to remember:

"What do you do with the Pop-Tart?"

In the episode "Greenzo" Liz has the misfortune of walking in on Pete in her apartment, cheating on his wife.. with his wife. The scene that follows is classic 30 Rock, highlighting Liz's issues with marriage, sex, trust, and, most importantly, food.


"I only act out because I want your love. Dyno-mite!"

"Rosemary's Baby" is arguably one of the strongest episodes of the entire series, and it would be great if only for Carrie Fisher's guest spot as a terrifying glimpse into Liz's future. But then, in one of the most classic, racially charged and genius moments in the show, GE executive Jack Donaghy 'impersonates' multiple members of Tracy Jordan's family (including Tracy himself) during a therapy session. He's doing it ostensibly to keep Tracy from dog fighting, but once he gets going his impressions take on a life of their own. 



"I'm gonna cut your face up so bad you'll have a chin. You'll ALL have chins!"

Have you noticed how surprisingly weak-chinned the male cast of 30 Rock is? After this sandwich-theft-inspired threat in "Sandwich Day", we can't stop noticing.




There are plenty other great quotes and moments from 30 Rock's seven seasons that we absolutely love, but these are the three that we go to when times are rough, when hope is gone, and when it looks like things will never get better. Basically, it's the three moments we will play over and over again once the show goes off the air for good.

Dec 12, 2012

The Amazing Spider-Man May Not Be So Amazing

We were perhaps a little overly exclamatory in our review of The Amazing Spider-Man. Maybe we were clouded by our love of Emma Stone (she almost made us like Crazy Stupid Love after all), or we were too busy marveling at Andrew Garfield's gravity-defying hair (he and Ben Whishaw need to have babies).

Whatever the reason for our lapse in judgment (we gave the film an 8/10), there are now a slew of videos that quite rightly put the film in its place and have taught us a valuable lesson about hindsight:

Dec 7, 2012

Emma Stone Looks Terrible [Rose McGowan]

Guest Blogger Gemma Fart-a-ton has a message for you for the holidays, 
and that message is enclosed in one very scary face:


Rose goes outside as a mix of Christmas and Halloween
and ends up as something in between: A Thanksgiving Turkey

This weird amalgamation of Emma Stone, Lindsay Lohan, 
and Courtney Love is Rose McGowan. 
She used to be one of my favorite actresses
and used to have a face that looked like this

Dec 6, 2012

TGS with Tracy Jordan: A Hellscape [30 Rock]

It's a lot to deal with.
Last week on 30 Rock Thursday Rock, we made an all-inclusive list of Liz's love life and celebrated her marriage to Criss Chros. Rather than pair that with a list of Jack Donaghy's ladies, we thought we would turn instead to Liz's professional life.

As Head Writer for TGS with Tracy Jordan, much of Liz's job involves wrangling the two (sometimes three) leads of the show, each with their own brand of extreme narcissism. Tracy leans more toward pure crazy and bouts of ennui, while Jenna Maroney (Jane Krakowski) is a fun mix of sexually conniving trickster and paranoid baby. As much as 30 Rock is about

Dec 5, 2012

Jamie Lee Curtis: A National Treasure?

Jamie Lee Curtis is a national treasure.

Here are some facts about Jamie Lee Curtis that prove this:

Jamie Lee Curtis was borne of Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh's lovemaking.

Jamie Lee Curtis played a prostitute in Trading Places.

Jamie Lee Curtis has been in many scary movies which we have never seen, but we applaud her for her screaming accomplishments.

This wordplay is solid.
Jamie Lee Curtis shills for yogurt that helps you poop.

 Jamie Lee Curtis is married to Christopher Guest.

Jamie Lee Curtis once switched bodies with Lindsay Lohan for a movie.

Jamie Lee Curtis is a little smug.

Jamie Lee Curtis would do well to be a little less full of herself and stop doing that thing where she purses her lips when she talks down to you or nods a little too enthusiastically in interviews about living your best life.

Jamie Lee Curtis, we get it, you're friends with Rob Reiner. Get over it.

Jamie Lee Curtis is a national treasure.

Nov 29, 2012

Liz Lemon is Married! [30 Rock]

BIG OL' SPOILER ALERT

Jack Couldn't Be Happier
It's official! Liz Lemon and Criss Chros are married, and the ceremony was just as weird and magical as we hoped it would be. It started out shakily, with Liz's fears of becoming a bridezilla fueling a self-fulfilling prophecy. Eventually, though, Liz pulled it together with the help of the two men in her life, found the perfect way to be pro-woman, and showcased her love of Star Wars. By dressing up as Princess Leia, she walked down the aisle in something

Liz Lemon's Relationships: A List [30 Rock]

Liz Lemon and her Many Men
Over the past seven seasons of 30 Rock, we've watched as Liz Lemon has worked to have it all: the perfect job, a great apartment, a plant/baby, and a man to share all of those things. And we have also watched as she has failed to get any of the things she wanted (baby steps, Liz). Then, beginning in Season 6, things started to line up for old Liz Lemon. She began renovations on her apartment, she started talking about babies, and she found someone that accepted all of her crazy. That man was Criss Chros, and tonight she’s going to make an honest man out of him and put a ring on it.

We don't know if this road will end in happiness or in failure (we assume a mixture of both), but we do know that the long journey to the altar/courthouse has included its fair share of romantic roadblocks for Elizabeth Miervaldis Lemon. So, on her very special day (which, per the save the date, should not be looked at ‘in a creepy way that perpetuates the idea that brides are virgins and women are property), we looked back at the many men in Liz's storied romantic past. And we ranked them, because assigning value to things is fun. Also, we didn't include Jack Donaghy, because, although they were married for a very short period of time, we wouldn't consider what they had romantic. It was no Meat Lovers Pizza. Now, on to the list:

Nov 27, 2012

Film Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2

We couldn't bring ourselves to see The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2, because even saying the name makes us feel ridiculous, so we deputized Guest Blogger Bro-sie the Riveter to review it for us:

I read the Twilight books four years ago during Thanksgiving break of my senior year of high school. I bring this up because the book of Breaking Dawn is probably one of the most insane things I've ever read. There are weird no-sex-before-marriage and anti-abortion undertones mixed with the fact that an adult werewolf falls in love with a baby and it's okay. A third of the book is told from the pedo-wolf's (AKA Jacob's) perspective, because Bella is pregnant and no one wants to listen to a pregnant lady talk about her problems. So the fact that the producers take out that part, and then split the story into two movies leaves very little to piece together in this finale. 

The screenwriter, Melissa Rosenberg, tries to make this final movie into a concluding chapter of an epic. The one major flaw is that The Twilight Saga is anything but an epic. We establish that Bella is a vampire now, meaning she doesn't breathe, has amazing posture, and basically acts like a statue – Which gets rid of 90% of K-Stew’s acting style (i.e. heavy breathing, slouching, and having nervous tics like running her hands through her hair). But that just leaves blank eyes and her pretending to be an animal. She also hilariously almost kills some mountain climber who should probably die anyway because he's on a cliff in the middle of nowhere without any rope, but Edward stops her. So instead, she eats a mountain lion.

Bella's vampire sister-in-law, Alice, builds her and Edward an adorable cottage in the woods. It's basically a teenage girl's fantasy: post-marriage bliss, having a baby, and being a vampire allows you to have sex forever. I'm serious. This house is basically a sex house. After the most uncomfortable PG-13 foreplay ever, they quickly cut to Edward and Bella

Nov 26, 2012

Tableau Your Mind's 200th Post!

It took a little under two years to make it happen, but Tableau Your Mind has finally reached its 200th blog post. You're reading it RIGHT NOW! They say it only takes a person 16-21 times to make doing something into a habit, and it definitely feels like, after 200 posts, we have moved beyond "habit" and into "psychopathic fanaticism." Over these 200 labors of like, we have written about topics covering all elements of popular culture, including food, movies, music, television, and so much more. We've done posts on Hollywood "It" Couples, Hipster Babies, and Pedophilia in Film. We've compared the stars of Tangled and Salt and looked at what would happen if Mr. Feeny suffered a "Wardrobe Malfunction." We've doted on 30 Rock, Kristen BellDoctor WhoHarry Potter, and Batman, and hated on Kristen Stewart, Slow Motion in Indie Movies, and Easy Mac. We've even learned how to pronounce Gotye, just in time for him to become culturally irrelevant. We really wouldn't believe that there were 200 posts if it weren't for the photographic evidence:

Nov 19, 2012

Easy Mac Is Disgusting [Rant and Rave]


Dear Kraft,

Hello and thank you for your time. I am writing today as a longtime fan and eater of your Macaroni & Cheese (or, as my Canadian roommate and Barenaked Ladies call it, Kraft Dinner). I was actually a member of the Macaroni & Cheese fan club as a child (I have a decorative license plate with my name on it as proof). I make Kraft Macaroni & Cheese at least once a month, often while singing lines from the indelible song “Blue Box Blues”: “Well, if daddy wants to please me, he's only got to cheese me. I've got the blues!”

So, it is with great sadness that I need to inform you of something that you probably already know but are afraid to admit. Kraft Easy Mac is one of the most disgusting things that has ever been considered food, and it is the grossest microwavable 'treat' I have ever consumed. It's mushy, the cheese powder doesn't mix correctly with the water and noodles, and it smells a little funky (no doubt from the Styrofoam-esque packaging seeping into the noodle water).

I understand that it's difficult to manufacture something microwavable that tastes good. Tostino's Pizza Rolls are an obvious exception (I'm sorry if that's hard for you to see – know that it's just as difficult for me to write). Still, even with the hurdles involved, most microwavable food (mostly frozen or dry-noodle-based) are at least an approximation of their stove and oven counterparts. What you have delivered in Easy Mac is not even noodles. It's barely food.

Also, it makes traditional Kraft Macaroni & Cheese seem hard to make, which it isn't. You're underselling your own product, Kraft! By marketing one of your products as 'easy,' it makes the other seem difficult in comparison. For traditional Mac, All people have to do is boil water and have milk in the fridge – we aren't in a dairy crisis! This can be accomplished!

In conclusion, I would like to say that your microwavable meal may be easy, but it is NO mac. What's worse, I think you're souring a future customer-base to your product by having their first encounter with it be this approximation of real Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Less people will try the real thing when their opinions are based on the taste of the deplorable Easy Mac.  I don't want to upset you, but I think that, when it comes to Easy Mac, it's time to go back to the drawing board.

Thank you for your time,

Tableau Your Mind

P.S. Sometimes I eat Macaroni Cheese with tuna in it. I don't want to ruffle any feathers of the good people of Tuna Helper, but have you ever considered going more high-end, possibly with a meat option. The casserole thing you came out with recently is amazing – Expand on that. Make Kraft a luxury brand, not one of microwavable faux-convenience!

Nov 15, 2012

30 Rock Thursday Rock!

It’s difficult to put into words how much we love 30 Rock. The greatest showing of our affection is that the show was the subject on of our senior thesis papers in college. And while “30 Rock and Its Big Mirror” is pretty much unreadable today, it is a perfect example of our devotion and ridiculous attachment to this show. How else could you explain the use of the completely nonsensical sentence “30 Rock represents the future of post-broadcast, neo-network television by firmly rooting itself in the present”? That’s stalker-level lunacy, people.

We say this because 30 Rock is currently in its final season on NBC. Though we will forever be comforted by the many episodes we will watch in syndication, Netflix Streaming, and on DVD, we are nonetheless crestfallen. When news came of a shortened final season, it was bittersweet at best. As any fan of the show knows, 30 Rock was lucky to see a second season, and with dwindling audiences and lessening critical cache, it seemed like getting a Season 7 was a gift from God. It was a gift from Anna Howard Shaw, at the very least.

As 30 Rock draws to a close, we will be devoting each Thursday (or every Thursday that we remember to do it) to some aspect of 30 Rock that we adore. It’s called “30 Rock Thursday Rock”, and it’s real. It’s as real as an egg.

So join us on this journey, looking back at great episodes, amazing guest stars, funniest lines, and weirdest patterns. Join us for the end of 30 Rock and the beginning of our clinical depression.

Nov 14, 2012

Hundreds of Attractive Men Injured or Dead as Channing Tatum Crowned Sexiest Man Alive

Channing Tatum Sexily Exits the Arena, Triumphant
In a scene reminiscent of Lord of the Flies or The Hunger Games, but with decidedly more body oil, Channing Tatum emerged from the People Magazine Sexiest Man-nasium this morning triumphant, the head of Bradley Cooper in his hands and the teeth of his victims adorning his neck.

The battle royale for the crown began a few weeks ago, and soon the dead bodies were too attractive and numerous to fathom. Tatum, who many felt was an underdog in the competition, soon rose in esteem with his affable nature. His tactic of luring victims in with his ease and confidence and then killing them with quick fighting maneuvers, which could only be described as an

Channing Tatum is People's Sexiest Man Alive

The people of People have spoken! With all of the other sexy men dead by his hands, Channing Tatum claims the title of sexiest living human male.

We have little-to-no opinion about this, except to say that we really enjoyed his work in 21 Jump Street and that People magazine seems to be going for 'relatable' lately when they pick the winners. Bradley Cooper, last year's victor, is a nice fellow, sure, and we loved him in Alias, but by his own admission he probably wasn't the sexiest man alive. Now that we have mourned his death and crowned 'everyman' Channing Tatum the sexiest man alive, who will be next? Al from Home Improvement? DJ Jazzy Jeff? Your guess is as good as ours.

Still, congratulations Chan! Tonight we drink the blood of your slaughtered foes in honor of you.

Huzzah!

Check out some Channing articles on Tableau Your Mind HERE, and add your pics for Sexiest Man ALIVE (Sorry, Bertolt Brecht) in the comments below!

Nov 12, 2012

Film Review: Skyfall

I've been waiting a long time for this. It's time to review Skyfall!

Full disclosure here: My namesake is very closely tied to the James Bond franchise and my mother and father raised me to love all things Bond, so I may not be the most objective reviewer. So, yes, my real name is PussyGalore, and, yes, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.

Bond and Q deal with dangerous numbers
Let’s get some plot out of the way first. Basically, a mysterious company steals a list of all of the NATO operatives currently undercover in terrorist cells across the world from MI6. What they plan to do with it in anyone’s guess, but it sets up the action, the betrayal, and the butt-kickery that follows. If you've heard this plot before, it’s because it’s basically the set-up to the first Mission: Impossible movie. However, where the plot goes from the set-up in Istanbul is completely different. I don’t want to spoil any of the plot, since figuring it out is half the fun. Even the title of the movie is mysterious – what exactly is Skyfall? Is it a mission, a person, the feeling one gets while bungee jumping? It could be all manner of things, and the fun and interest is in the journey of

Nov 11, 2012

Christina Ricci on The Good Wife

Tableau Your Minders!
John Lutz and Christna Ricci spice up The Good Wife

Christina Ricci, who is a totally normal-looking person and not a grown-up Bratz doll, is going to be on The Good Wife tonight. And she's going to be a comedian (or comedienne, if you're Joy Behar) embroiled in some sort of shocking television imbroglio that might land her in the slammer!

That's right, it's time for the semi-annual fun episode of The Good Wife, where serious plotlines and murderous ex-husbands are thrown out the window for a good old-fashioned chuckle fest. Of course, this also means that something serious will also probably happen near the end of the episode to shock you and move the show in a completely new direction. We know this because it is the middle of

Nov 6, 2012

Make Sure to Text In Your Vote, America

Roseanne for America
So, it turns out there's an election happening today, and Americans can take time out of their busy schedules to vote for the next President of the United States.

Normally, we love shoving our opinions in your faces. However, while we know a lot about television and film, we really know bupkis about politics. So, vote for whomever you want. From what P. Diddy and Paris Hilton told us eight years ago, it's really important that you vote.

We hear Roseanne Barr is running. We loved her in Roseanne, and the show still held up when we re-watched the whole series on Netflix last year. So maybe vote for her. Or, you could vote for one of the candidates who hasn't breathed new life into the working-class sitcom, who hasn't starred in a movie with Meryl Streep, or who hasn't created a show with a testicles pun, like Obama or Romney. The choice is yours, America.

Just vote. It'd mean a lot to us.

Paid for by the Committee to Re-Elect President Josiah Bartlet.

Nov 4, 2012

Boy Meets World Meets Sequel

The Matthews Family is BACK!
At Tableau Your Mind, we are unabashed fans of many things: 30 Rock, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Joss Whedon, Helena Bonham Carter, and tons of other pop culture touchstones. One thing we haven't been quite as vocal about is our love of Boy Meets World, the incredible 90s sitcom that taught us so many life lessons during our childhood.

Well, we were checking the ol' newswire on Saturday and stumbled upon the announcement that a new Boy Meets World television show is in the works. This sequel is being developed by the Disney Channel and will focus on the life of Cory and Topanga's pre-teen daughter as she learns the many life lessons that Cory himself learned years ago. It's going to be called Girl Meets World, people.

We are 100% psyched about this news, not only because we are fans of the whole original cast, but also because the world is crying out for the kind of earnestness, virtuosity, and silliness that the original show exhibited. It was like the 90s version of iCarly, and the world needs more shows like iCarly.

When we heard the news that the show was being sequelized (sequined?), we were actually re-watching Boy Meets World anyway, due to a series of posts we are working on tentatively called "Sassy Mr. Feeny." So, it suffices to say that we are really looking forward to this. Here's hoping that Danielle Fishel, Ben Savage, William Daniels, Rider Strong, and Will Friedle aren't too busy to be on the show.

Huzzah! This is, unequivocally, amazing news! Rejoice in your own special way. We'll be doing Feeny calls until the cows come home.

Oct 29, 2012

Halloween Costumes For The Pop-Culturally Savvy

Hello Tableau Your Minders,

It's been a while since this blog has seen any content. I've been busy with work, busy with life, and now I'm busily trying to survive Hurricane Sandy and all that the Frankenstorm has to offer.  But I shouldn't be taking that out on you. When parents fight, the children suffer, and when bloggers are preoccupied, the readers suffer. And on this spookiest of days, with branches rapping against my door and rain beating tirelessly against my windows, we turn to Halloween.

Halloween has always held a special place in my heart. I Trick-or-Treated for far more years than any child should. My costumes were often overly complicated and without fans. My stint as a cow hell-bent on the humans who'd done his family wrong was met with a trip to Principal Korn's office and mixed reaction from my Kindergarten class. My attempt at wry sports humor was tepidly accepted when I went door to door as a frostbitten, zombie Packers fan. And, in college, when I went as a Drug Attic (complete with needles, spiders, some siding, and an old rug), the general consensus was that I was trying too hard.

Well, I don't want you to be stuck in my situation, where high-mindedness gets in the way of candy, drunkenness, and whatever other debauchery passes your way.  So, here is a list of pop-culture costumes that are sure to delight, and they're simple enough that they won't confuse the random drunken lay-person who stumbles across your path:

Oct 15, 2012

Point/Counter Point: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Back Together

They are back together, apparently
Well, it's semi-official: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are back together, just in time to renew our faith in love. Or, they are back together just in time to promote The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part II.  Is it true love or a marketing ploy? To find out, I, the main blogger here at Tableau Your Mind, am bringing back one of the most popular segments on the blog. That's right; it's time for a little Point/Counter Point with Guest Blogger Jennifer Love Bacon:

Let's hear Opening Statements:

Oct 5, 2012

Justified's Graham Yost to Speak at 2012 NYTVF

(Image Source)
Attention people in the New York area! Graham Yost, creator and executive producer of FX's hit show Justified, will be the Keynote Speaker at the 2012 New York Television Festival. He will be speaking on Tuesday, October 23rd, and tickets are FREE!

You can reserve said tickets HERE

Yost is definitely a Tableau Your Mind favorite, not only for his work on Justified but also on the criminally ignored Raines and a little indie film called SPEED!!!!

Motha-flippin' Speed, y'all!

Get your tickets while you still can!

Oct 4, 2012

30 Rock Returns Tonight!

The final season of 30 Rock begins tonight at 8/7c on NBC!


You definitely want to go to there.

And you should definitely dress up for the occasion:


Also, you definitely want to check out all of 
Tableau Your Mind's 30 Rock coverage
which can be found HERE.

That is all.

Sep 30, 2012

AFTERWORD by Amelia Willams

from "The Angels Take Manhattan" on Doctor Who.

Hello old friend.

And here we are. You and me on the last page.

By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone, so know that we lived well, and we’re very happy, and above all else, know that we will love you. Always.

Sometimes I do worry about you, though. I think, once we’re gone, you won’t be coming back here for a while and you might be alone, which you should never be.

Don’t be alone, Doctor.
And do one more thing for me. There’s a little girl waiting in a garden. She’s going to wait a long while, so she’s going to need a lot of hope.

Go to her. Tell her a story.
Tell her that if she’s patient, the days are coming that she’ll never forget. Tell her she’ll go to sea and fight pirates, she’ll fall in love with a man who’ll wait two thousand years to keep her safe. tell her she’ll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived, and save a whale in outer space.

Tell her, this is the story of Amelia Pond, and this is how it ends.

Sep 29, 2012

Doctor Who Fall Finale Recap [Updated]

Amy, Rory, and those
damn Weeping Angels
The Ponds bade farewell in tonight's episode of Doctor Who, "The Angels Take Manhattan." This being the last episode with the Ponds and with the reappearance of the Weeping Angels, it was obviously frightening, emotional, and devastating. We don't want to spoil much, but we will share a few of our thoughts:

In their final hour, it was nice to see all of the Ponds (Amy, Rory, and Melody) back together, and Rory and Amy both had some nice moments with their daughter.

Once again, people were very keen to tell the Doctor that he shouldn't be alone. We get it, he gets antsy and murdery and lonely when he's by himself. WE GET IT!

All the talk of the Ponds' FINAL EPISODE made it very clear to

Amy Pond Week Comes to a Close


It's the final journey of Amy and Rory with The Doctor tonight. 

We are freaking out.

Sep 28, 2012

Doctor Who: Biggest WTF Moment [Amy Pond Week]

The Doctor Prepares to Melt Fake Amy
We've seen a lot of things on the last two series of Doctor Who that have surprised us.  Silurians were on Earth before humans, whatever holds the image of an Angel is an Angel, River Song is Melody Pond. This show loves playing with expectations, throwing a curve ball, doing a complete 180, and tons of other cliches. For us, though, the biggest WTF moment of the last two seasons has to be the discovery that Amy Pond was a Flesh duplicate for several episodes before being outed as such (and then melted) by the doctor.

The Flesh are an interesting enemy, which we detailed a little bit in a previous post. The actual flesh is a learning, growing substance which can effectively mimic human speech and

Rory Williams: A Companion's Companion

We've been spending a lot of time this week talking about Amy Pond, the Girl Who Waited, but in the process we've neglected the most important man in her life. No… not the Doctor. He's only the most important man in everyone else's life. Of course, the man who's the best-of-the-best for Amy is her dopey husband, Rory Williams.

When Rory was first introduced in the beginning of Series 5, he seemed kind of like a one-off character. Amy was clearly more interested in the Doctor than she was in him, and her impending nuptials only seemed like a distraction rather than an actual, viable story line. What has developed over the past

Sep 27, 2012

Taran Killam and Karen Gillan: A Comparison [Amy Pond Week]


If there's one thing we hear over and over again, it's that people love Saturday Night Live and Doctor Who, but it's very difficult to tell SNL's Taran Killam apart from Doctor Who's Karen Gillan. We totally get it. Not only are their names similar, they are also both leggy firecrackers with adorable goofiness written all over their faces. In honor of Amy Pond Week (and to help our readers through a difficult time), we have made a helpful chart detailing the many differences and similarities between these comedy mavens. Enjoy:

Sep 26, 2012

Amy Pond's Greatest Foes [Amy Pond Week]

Amy's Enemies - Exhaustive, Frightening.
Over the past two and a half series of Doctor Who, the Doctor, Amy, and Rory have had quite a few adventures. They've saved tons of people's lives, including a Star Whale, Silurians, and, of course, humanity. And they have done so by fighting, running away from, and trying to understand their many antagonists. In honor of Amy's last adventure with the Doctor, we're looking back at the best villains, the ones who have affected Amy the most:

5. Daleks
The Daleks have found their way into many of Amy Pond's adventures with the Doctor, and each time they manage to be just a little bit more terrifying.  As the Doctor is fond of saying, they are his oldest and greatest enemies. First, they were Winston Churchill's secret army

Sep 25, 2012

Hipster Baby: Doctor Who Edition! [Amy Pond Week]

Amy Pond is such a Hipster.

Amy Pond Being Awesome [Amy Pond Week]

You're Welcome:




Amy Pond: The Girl Who Waited [Amy Pond Week]

The Girl Who Waited
Amy Pond, travelling companion to the 11th Doctor on Doctor Who, is defined by many things: Her wit, her wide eyes, her gung-ho attitude, her hair of indeterminate redness. But what really sets her apart from other companions is that Amy is constantly being left behind. She is the Girl Who Waited, but only insomuch as the other people in her life are the People Who Leave. Abandonment (and the ensuing loneliness) is actually a huge part of Steven Moffat's Doctor Who, and it's not just Amy that experiences it. Still, since it is Amy Pond Week at Tableau Your Mind, let's explore Amy waiting, and what that means for her as a character.

Sep 24, 2012

Amy Pond: Goofy, Sexy, Cool [Amy Pond Week]

In our continuing endeavor to bring you all Amy Pond, all the time (along with aaallll your Classic Rock favorites), here is a video of Amy Pond being goofy, flirty, and, as the uploader mentions, a little bit of a pervert.


Brilliant.

It's Amy Pond Week at Tableau Your Mind! [Doctor Who]

Near the End, Let's Go Back to the Beginning
In case you didn't know, this Saturday will mark the last episode of Amy Williams (nee Pond) and Rory Williams as the regular companions of the 11th Doctor on Doctor Who. A companion is a person who travels with the Doctor on his many journeys, acting as anything from his assistant to his therapist. Since Amy has been the Doctor's companion for the entirety of this blog's existence, it is only fair for us to devote an entire week to the hours and years we spent with Amy, The Girl who Waited, and her Raggedy Doctor. We actually (accidentally) preemptively said goodbye to her almost exactly one year ago, much to our eternal embarrassment.  But now it's really happening, and mum is the word about how she will make her final exit. But we do know that she is leaving. For sure this time.

So here it is: the Amy Pond Week on Tableau Your Mind, which we're sure will get about as many viewers as it will have writers (like, 4). Still, we're willing to do it, because we

Sep 19, 2012

Point/Counter Point: Kristen Stewart


Hello. I am the main blogger here at Tableau Your Mind (one of the few that make up the collective 'we'), and I am a pretty big fan of Kristen Stewart. I know it's not a popular opinion, but I don't care. However, I do realize that not everyone feels the same way as me, and I always want to at least appear to be a fair-minded person. In an effort to do just that, to present both sides equally, I have enlisted Guest Blogger Jennifer Love Bacon to present her different opinion of K-Stew alongside  my own. Presented below is a conversation that hopefully sheds some light on what makes her so maddening, so brilliant, so hated, and so loved [Editor's Note: this conversation occurred before Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson got back together]:

Jennifer Love Bacon: [looking at the picture to the left] Hahaha. She's heinous.

Tableau: She's amazing. She's so effed up. I love it.

JLB: She can't even make eye contact in the picture …she's a disgrace to celebrities.

T: I didn't realize we were going to get into the debate so quickly.
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