Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 9: Procrastinator Edition

Hello there, dear readers. I haven't written a legit blog post in almost two months, and the ratio of movies I've seen vs. movies I've reviews has gotten impressively large. The main reason behind that is that I was a producer on a television series for most of April and May, which meant most of my free time was spent thinking about one specific TV show rather than writing about a myriad TV shows and movies.  To rectify that, I present condensed reviews of many of the recent releases I've imbibed. Should you HIT the theater to watch them, or maybe MISS them entirely. The only way to know is to read on!!

Age of Adaline

Starring: Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman, Ellen Burstyn, and Harrison Ford

Time goes by so slowly
for those who wait.

The Story: After a car crash and a freak electrocution, Adaline (Lively) is dismayed to find out that she can't age.  Afraid of what the government might do to her if they find out, she continually changes her identity and runs away from any kind of attachment. Her only confidant is her daughter (Ellen Burstyn), who Adaline must watch age while she stays the same.

Pros: It's an interesting story, and it's well-acted. Blake Lively convincingly portrays a 100+ year-old in a 20-something body.

Cons: The narration is clunky and unnecessary, and the film's attempts to scientifically explain Adaline's condition only makes her condition seem even more ludicrous. And, despite glimpses of her past, the story stays mostly in the present, which deprives the audience of seeing Adaline as she makes her way through life in the 1900s. Instead, we watch a tepid love story between two very attractive people, one of whom has a secret. Oooooo.

Consensus: This movie is totally worth a $1 rental in Redbox, and it's not a bad way to spend two hours if you can't find anything good on Netflix. Still, it's totally MISS-able in theaters.

Cinderella? More like Seen-it-derella!

This weekend, we welcome the latest in a long series of Cinderella movies: Disney's Cinderella, a live-action adaptation of the 1950 Disney film of the same name. Like most film adaptations of this classic tale, this newest Cinderella boasts an impressive cast and a substantial budget. Also, like most adaptations, it exists for no reason.

The tale of Cinderella has been told and retold countless times through generations, passing through oral tradition and written word for centuries. The story shifts and changes depending on who is telling it (and what message they want to impart), with the Brothers Grimm favoring a three three-day ball, a magical tree, and feet mutilation and Perrault favoring a glass slipper and fairy godmother. The core of the story is about a young girl being misunderstood, abused, and unwanted despite her many attempts to be anything but, and the prince who finally sees her for who she really is. It's a pretty simple tale, which makes it easy to adapt. Need to make it a morality play about the joys of being dutiful and subservient? Cinderella's got you covered. Want it to be a story about making your own decisions and self-empowerment? Cinderella's your gal. 

So many movies have been made with Cinderella at the center, but which adaptation is the best?  Let's take a look. For this incredibly scientific study, I'll be focusing on Disney's Cinderella (1950), Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella (1997), Ever After (1998), A Cinderella Story (2004), Ella Enchanted (2004), and Sondheim's Into the Woods (2014), because they're the ones I like. Sorry, CinderFella.

My Family Reviews 'Into the Woods'

The holidays mean many things to me: present opening, family outings (and innings) that are mandatory and often welcome, hot chocolate drinking that makes me sick for hours after the last sip has been sipped, and forcefully making my family watch movies with me and then reviewing them. This year, the first of the movies we watched together was the delightful Into the Woods, and the family members present were me, my parents, my sister, and my brother-in-law. Here is our review.

Into the Woods, the film version of the Stephen Sondheim musical, tells the story of The Baker and The Baker's Wife, who find out that their fertility issues (there are buns in their

Trailer Dump: 2015 Sequel Edition

Sometimes my brain is tired, and I need to unwind with a good movie trailer. There's nothing like a 2-minute dose of movie wonder to jog me out of a funk. The spectacle! The CGI! The voice over work! The soaring score! The over-explaining of plot to the point that it ruins the movie! Thankfully, in the past few weeks, we have seen the releases of exciting trailers for movies that plenty of people are waiting to see, myself included. 2015, like 2014 before it, will be another year full of sequels, prequels, and reboots of some of the largest film franchises of all time. In an era increasingly defined by unearned nostalgia and Buzzfeed listicles, next year will possibly be the apex of our growing need to mix the new with the familiar. Let's take a look at what the new year has to offer, and judge harshly and preemptively:

It's Time To Get Excited About the 'Into the Woods' Movie

Into the Woods is being made into a movie, and I'm very excited, and I'm sure I'll talk at length about it in the months ahead. But for now:

My Parents Review 'Pitch Perfect'

My family loves two things unconditionally: hanging out with each other, and watching movies. So, when my family descends on New York City for Christmas and New Year's Eve, we do a lot of both. This weekend, we watched Pitch Perfect (along with a variety of other films), a film about growing up, college, and a cappella singing competitions (natch). It was produced and spearheaded by Elizabeth Banks, who we here at Tableau Your Mind love so very much.

Since my parents were engaging in spirited debate after the movie, I thought I would share the conversation that followed between them. For the record, I really like this movie. I think that there are some tonal problems, but overall I was completely charmed by it. Here are my parents thoughts:

Mom: I loved it. Other teenage movies are so juvenile. This one doesn't feel as teenage-y. It's a a little more adult. The premise is not so different than other movies; it follows the same beats. I enjoyed the girls. I enjoyed all the girls. Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) - I like the way she used her body. She puts herself out there, makes her body part of the comedy. She's comfortable in her body, she's not self-conscious. She's hilarious. 

Dad: Overall I did not like the movie. I like the singing - top notch. 

Mom: I loved the songs. You said you have the soundtrack? I want that.

Dad: But you don't know who the market they were playing to. At first I thought it would be a family movie, but then I thought it was trying to be crude and crass, like, what's that movie? Bumped up? Knocked up! They missed out on the family audience with all the sex and the dicks, and it's not funny enough for people that like that kind of sophomoric and obvious humor. It's a poorly designed movie. The plot was just sort of thrown together. The only character development was with the magician character (Ben Platt).

Mom: I quite liked the magician.

Dad: He was the best developed of all the male parts, which was unfortunate, since he was such a small part. Still,  it was nice that they worked on his character, because it came around and was important later. But the guy in the club that had to leave (Adam DeVine)? It didn't make any sense. They could have gotten someone else.

Mom: Hmm...

Dad: Seriously, who would you buy this movie for? Funny-wise, it wasn't that funny; family-wise, it wasn't right for the family. Dancing and singing-wise, it was beautiful, but everything else fell apart. It felt like a bunch of people throwing something together over the weekend.  Plus, so much of the movie hinged on whether the audience has seen The Breakfast Club. If you haven't seen it, Beca's (Anna Kendrick) character change doesn't really make sense.

Mom: For a senior citizen like him, it doesn't work.

Dad: You want her to be involved in The Breakfast Club. I don't know the ending, I don't know what she's reacting to.  There are too many leaps.

Mom: That would be showing too much. They have to focus on the real movie, not the movie within the movie. Even of you haven't seen the movie, you can tell that it's a powerful ending.

Dad: It just didn't work for me.


Ratings:

Dad: Hated it

Mom: Liked it

Trailer Dump: This Is What We've Become

 

So, the last few posts that we've done have basically been excuses to link to something awesome on YouTube.  Which is cool and all, but at one point this blog was going to be a semi-humorous but in-depth look at all things pop culture. Where have we faltered, what have we become?  Ehh, screw it, here are some trailers for movies that we maybe want to see. We'll rate them and add some thoughts, because otherwise there's really no point:

Film Review: 50/50

When I first saw the trailer for 50/50, the new comedic drama starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen, I instantly thought of another great cancer memoir: Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person, by Miriam Engelberg. In it, Engelberg talks about the awkwardness of cancer, the humiliating situations, and the anger that she felt. Of course, it’s all very funny, but it’s also strange that people rarely talk about cancer in so harsh a light. For every Laura Linney on The Big C, there are countless people becoming better people and rising above the illness on television and in film. It’s a powerful redemption/conquering adversity story, so understandably it’s told all the time.

Male cancer is even less often portrayed (by my count, there is Brian’s Song and, um, that’s pretty much it). That is why 50/50, a by-the-numbers yet refreshingly honest film, is so