365 Days, 365 Movies: August

Julia Roberts: A Profile

August was quite a crazy month for me, both personally and professionally, but I managed to sneak in 31 movies in as many days. (How do I do it!?) Due to my hectic schedule, I once again ended the month without a theme. I started on August 1 with My Best Friend's Wedding, a rom-com I love more than my children, and thought that it might start a month of Romantic Comedies or Julia Roberts movies or Cameron Diaz vehicles. As you'll see from my list below, that didn't happen – I did eventually watch another Dermot Mulroney movie and another Diaz movie, so I guess that counts for something. I also ended up going to the theater a lot in August, which resulted in a higher-than-average number of New Releases.

OSCARS!

The glitz! The glamour! The weird interludes where Ellen didn't seem to know what she was doing!
And, of course, the selfie heard 'round the world:

Looking at this photo, I'm mostly happy because Angelina Jolie, a woman who takes herself way too seriously, got in all the goofiness. Even Kevin Spacey's dopey face won't keep me from enjoying that.

I was going to talk about the REAL WINNERS AND LOSERS, but the ceremony was kind of neutrally fine. It didn't ruffle anyone's feathers, Spike Jonze won for writing Her, 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture, and Gravity won pretty much everything else. It was a good time.

Jackie Jormp-Jomp [30 Rock]

Let's all sit back and enjoy Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney as Janis Joplin Jackie Jormp-Jomp (née Janie Jimplin).  If you recall, Jenna starred in Sheinhardt Wigs' movie about Janis Joplin, but they couldn't get the life rights nor the song rights, so a lot of amazing things happened.

Like Yoplait Yogurt, it is so good.
Like Greek Yogurt, it is good for you.
Like Dannon Yogurt with fruit on the bottom, it is also so incredibly depressing:

skip to second 46 on this one:

Film Review: 'Mirror Mirror'

Into The Woods

Beast in the Woods!

It's taken me a long while to review Mirror Mirror, because, frankly, I didn't want to. Some films are fun to review because they are amazing, and others are fun to review because they are terrible. The least fun thing to review is a completely blah, mediocre movie, especially when it comes from one of my favorite directors. Let's just say that Tarsem Singh's latest directorial effort is, at best, a mixed bag. The story is a somewhat revisionary take on the Snow White fairy tale, focusing on Julia Roberts' evil queen just as much as Lily Collins' (she of the famous father and equally famous eyebrows) Snow White. The dwarves are misunderstood thieves, the queen has a twin sister living in a mirror (a la Cloris Leachman in the Olsen twins' Double, Double, Toil and Trouble), and there is a people-

Snow White: Fight to the Finish

The past week saw the release of both of the trailers for the competing Snow White epics currently in the works. There is Tarsem Singh's comedic Mirror Mirror, which looks absolutely ridiculous (in the best way) and stars Julia Roberts, Nathan Lane, Armie Hammer, and some pale person whose name I keep forgetting. And then there is Snow White & the Huntsman, the uber-serious film starring Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Kristen Stewart, and a slew of other people, including a 7 non-little-people as the 7 Dwarves.

So which to choose? 

Which is the fairest film of all? 

Let's judge solely on the trailers, shall we?

Mirror Mirror certainly has a lot going for it. It's directed by Tarsem Singh, who has made some of the most visually stunning and sumptuous films of recent memory (The Cell, the amazing The Fall, and the not-terrible Immortals).  In terms of fairy-tale magic, his version of

International Tom Hanks Day: T. Hanks for the Greatness

Smiling His Way Into Our Hearts

Today is International Tom Hanks Day, and we here at Tableau Your Mind have been anxiously anticipating it. Tom Hanks is an actor that everyone loves, and the most deserving of an international day of honor (let lesser actors have streets in their hometowns named after them). So, to honor this square-jawed man of men, this ultimate mensch, we here at Tableau have decided to look back and quickly review all of the films that Tom Hanks has acted in so far (though, to be fair, we haven’t seen two of them). Enjoy the reviews after the jump, with special reviewing by Guest Blogger Road Warrior.

Goodbye Black History Month, Hello Women's History Month

Black History Month has come and gone, and it is now Women's History Month, or, rather, Womyn's Her-story Month. So remember to celebrate the womyn who have made the world what it is today, womyn like Joan of Arc, Eleanor Roosevelt, Smurfette, Harriet Tubman, Margaret Thatcher, Marie Curie, Indira Gandhi, and Julia Roberts.

And, like Marky Mark once said, say hi to your mother for me.