Beyoncé Gives Birth to Twins

Finally, some American overlords we can be excited about.

Farewell to an iPod

Last week, my iPod died. And it wasn't a temporary death, a single charge able to bring it back. No, this was permanent. After many years at my side and in my pocket, it shuffled off its digital coil, heading to that giant iCloud in the sky.

My iPhone came to me in college, at a time in my life when I really needed it. My Discman had just suffered a regrettable accident and wouldn't stop skipping, making it difficult to listen

Best of 2013 Part 1: Television and Music

Oh, 2013! What an interesting grouping of days. It's a strange thing, looking back on a year, because it's hard to remember anything that happened more than a month ago. Was there music before Beyoncé's December album? Was there television before the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary special? It's difficult to say; the mind grows cloudy. Still, in an effort to fully look back at the last year, I've compiled a list of what I feel to be the top pop culture events of the last year, conveniently ranked and separated by genre. Travel with me as we, in Part 1, look back at the television and music events that made 2013 so 2013:

Balthrop, Alabama: Drawstravaganza!

Last night, I had the distinct pleasure of going to see Balthrop, Alabama at Joe's Pub (which I realize I've written about for two posts in a row, but I-go-there-a-lot-so-get-off-my-back!). Balthrop, Alabama is one of my all-time favorite bands. I just can't get enough of them.

As a bonus, Joe's Pub and artist-in-residence Michael Arthur teamed up with Tumblr to add an audience, live-drawing aspect to the show. Now, Michael Arthur AKA Toxie Goodwater already live-draws the shows, but last night the audience was invited to join him. Now, I've never live-drawn anything, really, but I gave it a shot and here are my results:

The band is actually ginormous, but I focused on the people I could actually see from where I was sitting. I may color these in at some point, but for now I'mma leave 'em in B&W.

Whoo!

Art Imitates Life or Vice Versa or Something

Well, it turns out that "Wrecking Ball," the Miley Cyrus song about a failed relationship that Miley kinda sings also kinda turned out to be prescient, since she and fiancé Liam Hemsworth called off their engagement today. Some people, who thought that their love was the true-true, will find this shocking. For those of us who thought that they broke up six months ago, it's mind boggling. For everyone else, it's Monday.

"It's Miley!"

So, Happy Monday, 99% of everyone!

Where Did Michelle Williams Go? [Destiny's Child]

I often find myself wondering, "What's Destiny's Child's Michelle Williams up to? Where did she go?"

While Beyoncé and Kelly Rowland are around (one because she's the most famous woman in the world, and the other because she is the best friend of the most famous woman in the world). They're Oprah and Gayle 2.0.

But Michelle is mysterious. There's one in every batch of Children. She's the coy Child, the demure Child, the illusive Child.

What is she doing? Where the hell is she?

(source)

Oh, there she is.

Good News, Everybody! [A New Hope]

Hey Tableau Your Mind readers. We know that it's been a tough few weeks. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett announced that they were separating. Michael Clarke Duncan died. It's the anniversary of 9/11. Chris Brown still exists. The Olympics are over.

Still, all hope is not lost. We combed the internet, looking for some good pop culture news to make you feel better, to give you hope in a world seemingly bereft of kindness and love. And let's just say that we definitely found some gems:

Obsession of the Week: Garfunkel and Oates

Micucci and Lindhome

It is time to name Tableau Your Mind’s 2^nd Official 'Obsession of the Week,' and this time it’s an easy one. Because we are absolutely obsessed with Garfunkel and Oates, the singing comedy duo headed by very funny ladies Rikki Lindhome and Kate Micucci. It’s hard to say when we first fell in love with G&O. Was it when Lindhome played a bulimic dandy lion on Pushing Daisies? Was it when Micucci Scrubbed it up as Gooch, the adorable and ebullient girlfriend of sad sack Ted Buckland, or when she partied internationally with Kristen Bell in When in Rome? Or was it the first time we heard "Pregnant Women are Smug" and it effectively kicked us in the ovaries or the testicles or whatever reproductive organs that we have (we don’t know anymore)?

We’re not really sure where our love began, but we are sure that it was in full effect when we

There's a New 'No Doubt' Video

The band is back together:

And I'm instantly 10 years old again.  I guess I should break out my jorts and drink an Orbitz.

Welcome back, gentlemen (and lady. Hello, Lady).

Gotye: A Pronunciation Guide

Belgian-Australian singer-songwriter Gotye has been singing/song-writing for a while, but he's only recently achieved international success.  His song 'Somebody That I Used to Know' off his album Making Mirrors has completely blown up. I mean, Matthew Bomer even sang it on Glee. As Madonna and Sting will tell you, that's the only true marker of success musicians have left.

Still, despite is success, his name remains frustratingly difficult to pronounce. Damn you, Belgian-Australians!!! Not knowing how to correctly pronounce someone's name can be so irksome, which one of our bloggers learned first-hand when he met Tahmoh Penikett recently. Now, we here at Tableau Your Mind are a friendly sort, and we want to keep you from frustration (and prevent another 'Bon Iver' situation come next year's Grammys). So, here are a few visual representations of how to pronounce 'Gotye' and an example of how to pronounce it incorrectly, just for fun:

Whitney Houston Dies at 48

Whitney Houston (1963-2012)

It's difficult to express how saddened I am by the death of Whitney Houston. Over the past decade, we have all watched as she suffered under what appeared to be severe substance

1 Year? Really?

Things get interesting after the jump...

Britney Spears: Unlikely Lover of Terminator, Thriller, and Half Baked

I'm nothing if not an occasional fan of Britney Spears. While my totally normal fan/singer relationship has faded away over the years, it's hard to forget that at one time I owned ...Baby One More Time AND Oops... I Did It Again. I committed to a bunch of ellipses for that woman.

Well, now it's time for Britney to pay me back, and she has with this completely bananas music video for I Wanna Go, a track from a CD I haven't bothered to buy. It takes cues from The Terminator, Half Baked, and even Michael Jackson's "Thriller" music video. Completely awesome? Almost completely. She still can't help but look a little dead in the eyes. Still, it's hella ballsy. Check it out after the jump:

iPod Shuffle: You Know My Soul

When I put my iPod on shuffle, the music can be all over the place. Because of my early desire to get as much music as possible on it, I have a ridiculous amount of music I love, but also music that I couldn't care less about. I've got N*E*R*D, Quad City DJs, Nat King Cole (he was a merry old soul, a merry old soul was he) and Sweet Honey in the Rock all smashed together. Some days all I want is blues and all I get is A.R. Rahman.

But some days, my iPod gives me, not just the music I want, but the music I need. And today, as I rode the N Train into work, my iPod gave me what I needed most of all. The following songs played, and buoyed my spirits:

Lady Rizo: Channeling Nina Simone on Rapture Eve

There was no better way to spend Rapture Eve than with Lady Rizo, who, in one of her best shows to date, channeled the 'mash-up queen,' Nina Simone. As with all Lady Rizo shows, it was an ever swinging pendulum of emotions, at one point melancholic, the next filled with laughter.

It's an occasion where the pieces of a puzzle don't make the whole. Any of the elements of the performance - from her rose petal sex to her special guests - stand out as unorthodox, but together they make an amazing whole. There's even burlesque, and not the cutesy

Handling the Apocalypse: A Musician’s Guide

The world is an uncertain place. The only thing we can say for sure (besides that there are both death and taxes) is that, at some point in the not-too-distant future, the heavens will open up and give way to a fiery hellscape that lasts approximately 6 months. Perhaps the end of the world will happen tomorrow, perhaps a year down the road.

We all have ways of coping

Are you prepared? If not, perhaps these musicians can tell you how to get through it in one piece, provided you’re going through the same type of apocalypse they are:

Literal Lyrics: Katy Perry Edition #2

Welcome to Literal Lyrics #2. This Literal Lyric again comes from the world of Katy Perry, and boy it's a doozy!  I give you, without notes, this gem.  Slightly NSFW answer after the jump:

Steve Martin: Banjo Playin' Fool

This next song is called "Angry Birds: Level 7"

I just got back from seeing Steve Martin at Joe's Pub, playing Bluegrass Banjo with The Steep Canyon Rangers, and before you can cough "The Return of Bruno" suggestively into your hand, let me just say that it was completely amazeballs. Martin has been playing banjo for a quite a while, and this is not his first CD release, but for some reason I have always blocked that part of his career from entering my conscious thought.  He was Steve Martin: Comedian and Steve Martin: Author, but Steve Martin: Banjoist was not on the docket. Apparently, I was missing out. Rather than go point-by-point through the whole show, let me just point out a few of the best bits:

Literal Lyrics: Katy Perry Edition #1

So many songs have awful, badly worded lyrics. Lyrics filled with confusing metaphors, misplaced modifiers, and odd professions of love. And some singers are worse offenders than others. So, from time to time, we will post a Literal Lyric interpretation, and let people figure out what the terrible (or just strange) lyrics are. First up is Katy Perry, a singer with more questionable lyrics in her songs than good:

Answer after the Jump: