Reese Witherspoon’s Arrest is the Best Thing to Happen to Reese Witherspoon Since Reese Witherspoon Won That Oscar

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Reese Witherspoon's Arrest: Meditations on an Emergency

Reese Witherspoon is a gem. She is an American marvel. She’s got a Southern brassiness and an adorably large chin, and she’s won us over with her film roles that highlight her warmth, determination, and spirit. But sometime between Sweet Home Alabama and last week, our love of Reese Witherspoon has faded. Maybe it was her roles in Four Christmases or War Games This Means War. Actually, it was definitely those things. Much like a child outgrowing their cuteness and trying desperately to reclaim it by unrealistically turning ‘r’s into ‘w’s and adopting a very fake-looking ‘aren’t I precious’ face, Reese Witherspoon has been trying her darnedest to reclaim her rom-com stronghold and force herself back into the spotlight as America’s Sweetheart. The only problem is that, in doing so, she fundamentally

Make Sure to Text In Your Vote, America

Roseanne for America

So, it turns out there's an election happening today, and Americans can take time out of their busy schedules to vote for the next President of the United States.

Normally, we love shoving our opinions in your faces. However, while we know a lot about television and film, we really know bupkis about politics. So, vote for whomever you want. From what P. Diddy and Paris Hilton told us eight years ago, it's really important that you vote.

We hear Roseanne Barr is running. We loved her in Roseanne, and the show still held up when we re-watched the whole series on Netflix last year. So maybe vote for her. Or, you could vote for one of the candidates who hasn't breathed new life into the working-class sitcom, who hasn't starred in a movie with Meryl Streep, or who hasn't created a show with a testicles pun, like Obama or Romney. The choice is yours, America.

Just vote. It'd mean a lot to us.

Paid for by the Committee to Re-Elect President Josiah Bartlet.