30 Rock's Perfect Leap Day Episode

In order to wash the acrid taste that Stacey Dash's appearance at the Oscars has left in my mouth...

MERRY LEAP DAY!

And on this extra day, let's take some time and remember a perfect episode of television that was gifted to us four short years ago. Now, 30 Rock is one of my favorite shows, and it will no doubt be remembered throughout all time for its great jokes, pacing, and commitment to a bit. But I also hope it will be remembered for giving us "Leap Day," an episode of TV dedicated to the most magical day of all – February 29!

"It's Leap Day. Real life is for March!"

Back in 2012, 30 Rock was in the midst of Season 6, in which pretty much every other episode revolves around a major holiday. That doesn't change with this ep, which revolves around everyone's favorite holiday (of the holidays that only occur every four years).

"God grant you on this leap day fair / a calm wind and the ocean air 

Leap Day magic's all around / as Leap Day William comes to town"

Creating a holiday from scratch is no easy task, and director Steve Buscemi and writer Luke Del Tredici throw themselves into crafting a compelling celebration that feels real and lived in, with enough bits and pieces of other holidays and traditions thrown in to film familiar.

"Leap Day William, Leap Day William, Bursting from the sea / 

Will he bring his bucket of sweets for Mom and Pop and me?"

At the center of the holiday is Leap Day William, a part-fish demon-like old man who emerges from the Mariana Trench every four years. He then proceeds to trade children's tears for candy (and, in a simpler time, cigarettes). On the scale of creepy requirements for giving out gifts to children, it lies somewhere between Santa demanding good behavior and the Tooth Fairy requiring your old dead molars. However, his disturbingly realistic gills on his neck and sharp fangs put him more in the Krampus category of holiday deities.

"Poke your eye, pull your hair, you forgot what clothes to wear."

"Stomp on your foot, kick you in the knee. Yankees suck, Go Pats."

The holiday also requires celebrants to wear a specific color combination in order to avoid a shaming from fellow Leap Dayers. Thankfully it's the fairly flattering combo of Blue and Yellow (I would happily smack the Irishman who decided I have to wear green while celebrating some dude named Patrick even though the color makes me look sallow).

Seeing the cast wearing primary colors brings a tear of joy to my eyes and warms my heart. It's a Leap Day miracle!

"Hey, take a leap, pal!"

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!"

Like all good holidays, there's also a movie that teaches people exciting life lessons. In 30 Rock, that film is Leap Dave Williams, starring Jim Carrey and Andie MacDowell. It's mostly a play on The Santa Clause with a bit of Groundhog Day and Liar Liar thrown in for good measure. An uptight lawyer (Dave Williams – Carrey) falls into an ice-fishing hole and turns into Leap Day William. He then proceeds to learn some valuable lessons, reconnect with his son, and solve "the big case from earlier." Because, as Andie MacDowell so pointedly says, real life is for March. If you've never seen it, USA Network has got you covered – they're running a 24-hour marathon!

"I am always coughing up blood. Could that be Leap Day William trying to get out?"

Stripped of all the ceremony and wacky hijinks, the Day of Leap is really a wonderful occasion that brings out the best in people. It's an extra day where you can take chances and do things you normally wouldn't do, like have sex with a billionaire for money, listen to rap music, or eat rhubarb leaves. It's also a day for spreading love, candy, and kindness. Even Tracy gets into the giving spirit, ignoring the fact that he's not getting a Leap Day bonus and spreading Benihana cheer to the homeless and less fortunate (one of whom is played by the delightful Hannibal Buress). 

"It's a Leap Day Miracle!"

"Nothing's impossible on Leap Day!"

Leap Day is a time for family. It's a time for joy. It's a time for eating that giant rhubarb in the Citarella window – the one as big as Kenneth! And remember...

"Nothing that happens on Leap Day counts."

Merry Leap Day to us all!

365 Days, 365 Movies: December [Star Wars-apalooza]

With the clock striking midnight and the world heralding a new year, I officially ended my year-long adventure in daily movie watching. Having actually reached my 365 total in mid-November, December was more of a victory lap than anything else. I thought I would just watch a few movies (28 or so) to get up to 400 movies for the year, And then I ended up watching 53. 

My focus was broad, but I definitely spent my time with three big categories: Oscar contenders, Holiday movies, and Star Wars films. I'll talk Oscar contenders soon, and Holiday movies have been dissected and vivisected 100 times over. I would talk about Star Wars, but who wants that? Sure, the films taught me a lot of lessons about life and filmmaking and the prequels clued me into the fact that nothing golden can stay and that we're all going to die someday, but let's not talk about that. Let's look at a list!

My Mom and I Review Some Movies and TV Shows

There's been a new addition to the Tableau family (that's a link to a generic baby, in case you don't know what a baby looks like), which means that, over the last month, my mother has been in my neck of the woods way more often than usual. And, since I don't really know how to communicate with people without talking about movies and television, my mom and I have been consuming a lot of pop culture together.  Here's a breakdown of some of the fluff we imbibed:

Cinderella (2015)

This live action adaptation of Disney's classic film adds some modern touches and nixes the songs.

Mom: The transformation scenes are amazing.

Tableau: When Cinderella and her mice and lizards are magically changed in time for the ball?

M: Yep. Compared to the other movies, you could actually see the changes happening. You can see the animals morphing into their human/horse counterparts, yet they still maintain elements of their original features. The lizards, especially.

T: The transformations scenes are both really beautiful, and Helena Bonham Carter as The Fairy Godmother is a lot of fun. She is certainly having a good time.

M: Cate Blanchett, too. She's over-acting in the best way. I also like that they show more of Cinderella with her mom (Hayley Atwell). 

T: It helps strengthen her character, and it helps to sell the idea that Cinderella would stay with her stepmother after her mother and father die, since her mother was all about being kind and courageous. How about Cinderella (Lily James) and Prince Charming (Richard Madden)? Do you buy their romance?

M: Meh. They are okay. Nothing to write home about.

1999-era Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch Rock a Two-Woman Show

I'd like to take you back 15 years, to the year 1999. It was a simpler time. The Millenium was just around the corner. Y2K was a legitimate fear. Women were getting impregnated with children who are now freshman in high school. Cher's "Believe" was at the top of the charts. People still wore cargo jeans. Jennifer Lopez was just starting her singing career. And amazing, funny people Rachel Dratch and Tina Fey had a two-woman sketch show called Dratch & Fey. Until this week, I'd only heard rumors of this comedic collabo, happy to hear whispers of it on the wind and watch the few sketches I could find on YouTube. But now there's, like, a full night of Dratch & Fey, and it's in a convenient, 47-minute-long video!

Once you get past the poor video quality and bad haircuts, what you're left with is a super solid collection of sketches that weave in and out of one another with seamless panache. Plus, you get to hear Tina Fey sing a song about her vagina while operating a whale puppet, and you get to hear about the suicidal tendencies of Rachel Dratch's half of a pair of guitar-playing Siamese twins.

It's...pretty great.

RIP Elaine Stritch

And So I'm Back...From Outer Space...

So, I've been away from my blog for over three weeks. My computer went in for repairs, and with it went my ability to draw any pictures/post and thoughts. I was without an outlet, and there was so much going on.

There were so many things that I wanted to write about in the past three-odd weeks, but it just wasn't an option. I had no Personal Computer! And I feared what would happen if I used my bizness computer for non-bizness needs (jk I'm rolling deep in Facebook 24/7). Anyway, I'm officially back, rested, and ready to start blogging again. So, before I go into the crap that's happening in the world now, here are some things I missed talking about in a timely manner:

Maleficent

After what seems like a year of press and trailers, this re-imagined take on a Disney classic finally hit theaters. I was primed to love this movie, being a fan of Disney and Angelina Jolie, but the whole thing was a big old nothing.  All the spectacle in the world couldn't save a movie that involved a woman losing her agency through rape and then attempting to regain that power by avenging that rape only to forget about it 15 minutes after. The film takes one of the Disney villains with the baddest ass and reduces her to a beautifully cheekboned wimp with confusing and poorly executed convictions. Angelina Jolie was pretty much born to play this part, and she does as much as she can with the material, but the whole movie is as half-baked and ill-conceived as the cake that Aurora's fairy guardians attempt to make for her. It both ruins a lot of the original Sleeping Beauty (which is gorgeous and simple and musically rich) and adds a whole bunch of Tim Burton-esque nonsense for seemingly no reason. Also, there's a really terrible narrator who adds nothing to the proceedings.

Jay Leno is Getting The Mark Twain Prize for American Comedy

I can't roll my eyes hard enough. This is embarrassing for comedy, it's embarrassing for Mark Twain's ancestors, it's embarrassing for anyone who has ever spelled the word Mississippi.

Orange is the New Black Season 2

Obviously, the most important thing that happened in my absence was the return of OITNB, basically one of the best shows on television that isn't really on television. Netflix's strongest original series (yeah, you heard me, lackluster House of Cards) came back into my life with another batch of 13 cracker-jack episodes that expanded the universe and focused the narrative. While race relations between the inmates were always in the background of Season 1, that hot-button topic becomes the focus of the second outing and is spearheaded by the season's Big Bad AKA Taystee's mother-figure Vee, played with lioness realness by Lorraine Toussaint. She's electric. Also, by downplaying Piper and Alex's love story from last season and putting the spotlight on the secondary players, OITNB was able to make huge strides creatively. Especially welcome were episodes that focused on Morello, Poussey, and Taystee, and it was great to have expanded time with Red and Gloria and the entire kitchen crew. Not everything worked, and the conclusion to the season was both incredibly satisfying and troubling for the world going forward. Still, I love Jenji Kohan more and more with each episode of television, full of complex female characters and relationships, that she creates. If she kills off Larry and Polly in Season 3, that's just gravy.

Neighbors

The closer it got to the release date for the Zac Efron/Seth Rogen comedy, the more convinced I was that it was going to be terrible. Instead, it's pretty great. Seth Rogen's in fine form and Zac Efron finally gets to put that weird, soulless face of his to good use. The writing is solid, and it's just a really good college comedy. Especially fresh is Rose Byrne as Rogen's wife, who gets to be a person outside of her husband and stays away from the 'nagging wife' trope that so many movie wives fall into. Is it the best comedy I've seen in the past two months? You can Bet On It!

Louie and the Complicated Relationships Therein

Louie and Amia

Louie, the FX comedy from Louis C.K., has been one of my favorite shows on television for the past few years. It's experimental, occasionally gorgeous, maddening, and thought-provoking. It's so many things, and this season brought more to love and more to find troubling. Louis C.K. seems like a good guy, but "Louie" the character consistently pushes things into unbearably uncomfortable places. He is especially hard to watch this season, as two of his romantic relationships include some form of forced intimacy (I swear this isn't a rape-themed post). His girlfriend, Amia, who doesn't speak English and can't seem to articulate how to say no to his sexual advances, is pretty-much forced into a strange, possibly unfulfilling sexual encounter.His longtime friend and unrequited love, Pamela, is trapped by Louie in his apartment. She keeps insisting that she doesn't want him to kiss her but is still met with Louie's super aggressive, wet kisses of sadness. She even shouts "This would be rape if you weren't so stupid" in the midst of the encounter, in theory to cut the tension but really just adding to it. It's disturbing enough that both of these scenes follow a lead character who is supposed to be likable, but it's even worse that he's forgiven for both of these transgressions by the women he transgresses. Amia takes him back in time to have a sweet farewell (she's leaving the country), and the season ends with Louie and Pamela in some kind of screwed up relationship, the awkward quasi-rape just an unremarked-upon prelude to their actual relationship. I still really like watching the series, and this season had a lot to love. There were great, hilarious meditations on co-parenting after divorce and trying to raise a kid to not make the same mistakes of the parents, and there's the episode with the monologue about 'fat girls' that I found fascinating. There are truly wonderful guest performances from Sarah Baker, Charles Grodin, Ellen Burstyn, Pamela Adlon, Jeremy Renner (who is usually the personification of the lack of charisma), and Amy Landecker. Still, the two instances of physical, sexual abuse are hard to get over. Maybe it's because C.K. is a dude, and therefore any conversation about rape seems poorly conceived. Maybe it's one of those cases of an interesting idea being poorly executed. C.K. isn't some infallible god -- he's more than capable of screwing crap up. I dunno. I'm still trying to figure this one out. All I know for sure is that it doesn't sit well, even weeks after the incidences.

Maya Rudolph Joins the Already Amazing 

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler Sister Comedy

With Maya Rudolph joining The Nest, the comedy written by former SNL scribe Paula Pell and starring Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, it's clear that it is her time to shine. Poehler and Fey are playing sisters returning home after a long absence, and Rudolph will reportedly play their childhood friend. Get Rachel Dratch in this thing and I may never need to see another movie ever again. THE RUDOLPH REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN!

===

Phew! It feels good to get all of that out there. Now it's time for some regular posting. Or semi-regular. I don't know.

It's Time For The Maya Rudolph Revolution

Maya Rudolph with contemporaries Fey and Poehler

When Maya Rudolph left Saturday Night Live in 2007, she seemed poised for a gigantic career. For seven seasons, she had shone in a cast packed with many soon-to-be television and film stars. But, instead of going the traditional post-SNL path (one terrible movie, a few years of obscurity, rising like a phoenix from the career ashes with a hit Funny or Die video, etc), she instead took a break to give birth to a veritable litter of Rudolph-Andersons. Sure, she has been in a ton of movies and TV shows since her departure, but it always feels like she's flying under the radar, not quite rising to the heights that a person as talented as she is can reach (I did not mean to include as many flying/bird analogies in this post). While Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, two of her SNL compatriots, became supa-dupa famous after they left Studio 8H, Rudolph stayed just moderately well-known, her only real breakout moment being when she pooped in the street in Bridesmaids.

Anything for a laugh.

Well, if last night's one hour variety show, The Maya Rudolph Show, is any indication, now is the Age of Maya. Though the special was a little light on laughs (especially in the second half-hour), it was a great showcase for how amazing Maya Rudolph is as a performer (not to mention how great she is at wearing a variety of sparkly dresses). Even among a cavalcade of guest stars, including Tableau Your Mind favorite Kristen Bell, the elements that shone brightest were pure Rudolph. Like Carol Burnette and, um, Rosie O'Donnell before her, Maya took to the stage with a comedian's bravado the chops to back it up. She hoofed, she sang, she did a few regrettable accents. She did anything for a laugh, and even included a few moments where laughter wasn't the point. Watching old The Carol Burnette Show clips online, I was amazed by how often the sketches weren't about the comedy – it was about highlighting the guests and friendships and giving audiences little peeks into their lives. Now, in a world where we know everything about celebrities, from their preferred birth-control rings to their thoughts on healing crystals, it's a delightful throwback to just watch stars perform as themselves. Chris Parnell's song to his newborn was a particular highlight:

Really, that's all a lot of lead up to explain why Maya Rudolph, despite exhibiting a love of all things old, is the comedy star we need now. Television, and particularly television comedy, has shifted monumentally in the last few years. Changed in part by shows like Poehler's own Parks and Recreation, what has arisen is comedy built on collaboration and friendliness more than snark and resentment. Sure, the TV landscape is full of Louie's and Louie-wannabes, but more and more there is a space for television where everyone gets along and all anyone wants is to have a good time. Shows like Broad City, Playing House, The Middle, and Key and Peele get as many viewers from the actual jokes as they do from the camaraderie exhibited among the casts. People can only handle so much 'depressing' – they want to see people getting along. And nobody seems as attuned to that friendly frequency as Maya Rudolph. She's our maternal and funny gal-pal. I mean, there's a reason she can so effortlessly play all of America's most powerful women: Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Beyonce Knowles, Phylicia Rashad. She's the performer we need and the comedic actress we deserve.

It's time for the Rudolph revolution! It's time for Maya to shine!

Hit Or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 6

Hello once again.

It's time to crawl out from under the Veronica Mars rock where I've been staying to look at some of the other movies that are currently out in the universe. And, since I'm blessed with an inordinate amount of free time on the weekends (take that, people with kids and/or friends), I have basically seen all the movies. Since I know that some of the readers do not have all the time to skulk around theaters, Phantom of the Opera-style, I have compiled a helpful list of movies that are worth HITting the cinema for, and movies that can be MISSed. That's right, 'tis time once again for a little Hit or Miss!

Muppets Most Wanted

It's not easy being green.

The Story: Directly following the events of the first movie, the Muppets head out on a European tour. It isn't long, though, before Kermit is replaced by the villainous frog and Kermit doppelganger Constantine, the most wanted criminal in the world. While Kermit tries to escape a Russian Gulag (and becomes chummy with guard Tina Fey in the process), Constantine and his cohort Dominic Badguy (Ricky Gervais) carry out successful museum heists while hiding under the alibi of the Muppets tour. Things get complicated, songs get sung, feelings get hurt, and Miss Piggy sings a sad duet with Celine Dion. You know, totally normal Muppet stuff.

Pros: I loved the first of the new Muppets movies, but one thing that it was rightly criticized for was focusing more on the human characters than the Muppets themselves. In this sequel, it's back to Muppet Classic, with humans adding color to the movie but not driving the plot. Ty Burrell and Ricky Gervais have interesting parts, but Tina Fey is really the only important human in the movie, and she's great. Like, really great. There are some other cameos (I won't spoil anything) that also add to the fun. The music, while not quite as great as the songs in the previous movie, is undeniably catchy. The movie is also incredibly fun and goofy, and some of the large plot holes are explained away by a general positive vibe. It's a feel-good delight. Plus, in my opinion, any time spent with the Muppets is time well spent.

Cons: While the film is generally great, it's also incredibly meta. As an audience, you're never allowed to forget that this is a movie, and that none of it is real. The Muppets make mention of it consistently throughout the movie.  Also, I'm a little tired of wondering whether or not Miss Piggy and Kermit are married (I've seen at least 2 weddings), which is a major plot point of the movie.

Consensus: It's funny, it's light-hearted, and it's a fun addition to the recent spat of great kid's movies (Frozen, The LEGO Movie, etc.). Also, you get to hear Tina Fey say "Good night, Danny Trejo" in a Russian accent.

Hit/Miss: HIT this movie up. it's a fun time.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

At The Grand Budapest,
everyone is checking out.
Like, they're being murdered.

The Story (Or, rather, the story within the story within the story): Gustave H. (Ralph Fiennes) is a concierge at a super swanky hotel. When he is framed for the murder of one of the hotel's ultra-rich clients (Tilda Swinton), it's up to a young lobby boy to clear his boss's name and break him out of jail (and effectively woo a young pastry chef played by Saoirse Ronan). Along the way, they run into a who's who of Wes Anderson mainstays, including Jeff Goldblum, Bill Murray, Edward Norton, Adrian Brody, Jason Schwartzman, and MORE!

Pros: Moonrise Kingdom, Wes Anderson's movie previous to this one, also happened to be one of the best movies ever (not The Royal Tenenbaums good, but still). This movie's not quite at that level, but it is the most Wes Anderson-y movies that Wes Anderson has ever Wes Anderson-ed.  That means audiences get cracker-jack pacing, blunt and direct dialogue, great actors hanging out and being great, and a beautiful and rich color palette. Also, it's good to see Ralph Fiennes being funny and with a normal-looking nose.

Cons: Again, it's the most Wes Anderson-y movie in the history of movies, and the director's twee sensibility can be a bit much at times. Also, the plot involves a lot of murder and quasi-Nazis, and sometimes it's difficult to watch your favorite actors get murdered, be murderers, and/or be kind of Nazis (in the movie, the fascist group is called The Zig-Zags). Also, something bad happens to a cat, and it's either the funniest or most frightening thing you'll ever see, depending on how you feel about cats.
Consensus: If you like Wes Anderson movies, you will like this movie. If you don't, then this movie isn't going to win you over.
Hit/Miss: Again, I really enjoyed this movie, and it's a delight, but you can probably MISS it for now and catch it on DVD.

Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1

love.

The Story: After being beaten and left in an alley, sex addict Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) is taken in by a man named Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard) and nursed back to health. While resting, she recounts her many tales of sexual deviance in a somewhat clinical manner, and her rescuer compares said sexual encounters (some of which involve Shia LaBeouf) to fly fishing, classical music, and the Fibonacci Sequence. The film, which is part one of a two-part film, is both strikingly forward and maddeningly snooty.
Pros: Despite the film's premise and its 'we're going to show you more vaginas, penises, and butts than you've ever seen on-screen before' attitude, the movie is incredibly funny, and often that's on purpose. Stellan Skarsgard is quite funny as Seligman, a man who is gentle and unassuming but who will porbably turn out to be a monster in Vol 2. Uma Thurman is scrumtrulescent as Mrs. H, the cuckolded wife of one of Joe's paramours; I honestly wish that the movie was just about her. Also, the actress playing Young Joe, Stacy Martin, is impressive in basically her first acting role. Also, possibly a Pro, there are a number of fairly explicit sex scenes that kind of hint at the strange banality of sex while still being fairly hardcore. Still not sure how to feel about them.
Cons: The movie, and the director Lars Von Trier, tries so hard to be daring and bold, and it feels like everyone is trying to hard. It's like when a teenager smokes in front of her parents, daring them to call her on it, "I'm not your little girl anymore" practically screaming behind her eyes. But really, all those boobs and butts and dongs just feel kind of silly, and it feels less like Von Trier is trying to get at a universal truth about the human experience and more like he's trying to justify his own demons. Also, Christian Slater and LaBeouf try unsuccessfully to have some sort of accent in the movie, and both of their attempts are laughingly bad. Also, this movie is so pretentious. It's "using a bidet while Queen Elizabeth II spoon-feeds you caviar and reads the New Yorker out loud" level of pretentiousness.

Consensus: I'll wait until after I see Vol 2 to fully form my opinion, but right now the movie is more spectacle than substance, and I could have done without the strange PowerPoint presentation of sad wangs.
Hit/Miss: I'm going to go with MISS for right now, but maybe the second half will win me over. Also, be sure you're 100% comfortable watching this movie with other people. It can get a bit weird at points.

Veronica Mars

She's got a taser and a camera,
and she's not afraid to use 'em

The Story: Okay, I said I was going to forget about this movie for a while, but I also just realized that I never actually reviewed it. So, here we go. Veronica Mars follows a young woman (the titular Mars, played by Kristen Bell) and former private detective as she returns home to a life she left behind in order to clear her ex-boyfriend (Logan Echolls, played by Jason Dohring) of murder charges and attend her high school reunion. She's tried for 9 years to leave her old life behind her, but the past has a way of sneaking up on old Veronica Mars.
Pros: If you're a fan of the television show of the same name, then there's a good chance you will like this movie. So, let's just talk about Pros for newbies. If you're going into this movie with fresh eyes, there is still a lot to love: tortured romance, big brawls, explosions, noir-style detective shenanigans, and more. The real reason to see this movie, though, is Kristen Bell, an actress who has never found a role quite as good as the damaged youth she played for three seasons on TV. Bell, like other TV stars before her, hasn't quite found her niche in film, though she's admirably shuffled through cheesy rom-coms that Katherine Heigl would turn down and delightful indies that nobody saw. This is her big-screen chance to play a fantastic character, and she doesn't disappoint.
Cons: The movie can be hard to get into as a non-fan (here's a helpful primer for people who haven't seen the series), but even as a fan there are plot points and character notes that are difficult to swallow. The central plot moves along nicely, but so much of the story involves plot points that are never resolved, in a way that makes the movie feel like the first episode in a much-longer series. Also, there is a clunky 'addiction' metaphor laced throughout the film, and it's super heavy-handed. We get it – Veronica, like her mother, battles with an addiction, but, unlike her boozy mama, Veronica is addicted to... solving murders? Or something?

Consensus: This movie is important, and I hope it does well so that other 'gone-but-not-forgotten' television series have some sort of life, be it a movie, or a comic book, or a spinoff musical.  What's dead may never die.
Hit/Miss: I mean, HIT. How often do we get to see complicated female characters on screen?

Well, that's it for this edition of Hit or Miss. Go forth and watch movies. You'll be glad you did.

Tableau Your Mind's 300th Post! [Hooray]

This is officially the 300th Post on Tableau Your Mind. It's been over three years since my first post, back when I was still writing in the 'we and us' tense and drawing most of my pictures on Microsoft Paint.  'we' Over 299 posts, that 'we' has changed to 'I' and  Paint has changed to Photoshop, Illustrator, the occasional Scanned Drawing, and, yeah, Paint. Still the mission of this blog has basically stayed the same: be a place for people to have fun, read about all different elements of pop culture both broad and niche, and look at some rudimentary fan art (hey, I didn't take Art 1 twice in high school for nothing).

With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to look at the drafts of some of the pictures I drew, a glimpse at how a 'painting' goes from initial sketch to finished product:

On Pranking: A Post for George Clooney

These are the victims,

I'm going to keep this short. George Clooney - stop pranking people. You're a grown-ass man (and, from the rumors, a grown ass-man). I just listened to an interview wherein you talk about getting back at Tina Fey and Amy Poehler for making fun of you at the Golden Globes. You were trying to make it seem 'in good fun', but, when you opened your mouth, all I could hear was a whiny little b*tch who's upset that someone had the audacity to make fun of him.

I remember when I first read about your pranking adventures on the set of Ocean's 11. They sounded hilarious, a fun reminder that celebrities like to have a good time. But, at the time, I was in my teens and you were in your (late) 30s. You're 52 now, and you've been pranking for far too long. It's time to stop pranking people. It makes you seem like a doofus, like you've never progressed past being a 8-year-old, plastic-wrapping the toilet seat and laughing as your aunt, Rosemary Clooney, pooped all over herself.

George, you may think that your pranking makes you seem like a fun playboy, a Gatsby-esque figure, gallivanting and cavorting and what have you. It doesn't, and you need to quit before one of your pranks goes too far and your girlfriend's husband's mistress ends up dead. That's a literary reference that I can make because I am a grown-up who doesn't prank people. Less and less people are going to enjoy your Michael Clayton-esque films when you keep sounding like a member of Jackass.

Stop it. No. Bad George Clooney. Bad.

30 Rock: 1 Year Later

Do it for Television!

One year ago today, my favorite television show OF ALL TIME aired its final episode. That's right, 30 Rock has been gone from the airwaves for 365 days. After 7 seasons (many of them truncated), Liz and Jack rode off into the sunset, never to be heard from again. Except for in my fan fiction, where they're both fighting for their lives in a post-apocalyptic hellspace. Obviously, everyone has a mohawk, and eye patches are plentiful.

Over this past year, it's been nice to see the cast pop up time and again on other television shows and films.  Jane Krakowski has been making the sitcom rounds, and her Trop50 ads have become a television staple. Tina Fey pops up time and again, hosting awards shows and securing sitcom deals, thus guaranteeing that her rapier wit will remain on our screens for years to come. Even Jack McBrayer has been on The Middle quite a few

Best of 2013 Part 2: Films and Events

A solid 3.5 weeks after going through the momentous TV and music events of 2013, it's time now to turn to the movies and general events that defined the year. Again, it's difficult to look at the year as a whole, because it seems like we are constantly teetering between instant forgetfulness AND instant nostalgia. We're like that guy from Memento who wanted that mint to impress that tattoo artist. Or something. It's really hard to remember what that movie was about. And I miss it dearly. 

Anyway... let's look at the film moments and new cultural touchstones that shaped 2013:

The Real Winners and Losers at the 2014 Golden Globes

Tina and Amy = The Best!

Aah, the Golden Globes: the Academy Awards' less attractive sister who has to work harder to prove her worth, the Elizabeth Bennett to the Oscars' Jane (literary references!).  And though the end result may be sweaty with effort, the Golden Globes this year really were fun,  hosted again  by the (always welcome) Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Now, many people will be wondering who won the awards during the evening, but that's not what this post is all about. No, this post is about the real winners and losers of the evening, the things and people that we'll be talking about long after Brooklyn Nine Nine is even on the air.

Best of 2013 Part 1: Television and Music

Oh, 2013! What an interesting grouping of days. It's a strange thing, looking back on a year, because it's hard to remember anything that happened more than a month ago. Was there music before Beyoncé's December album? Was there television before the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary special? It's difficult to say; the mind grows cloudy. Still, in an effort to fully look back at the last year, I've compiled a list of what I feel to be the top pop culture events of the last year, conveniently ranked and separated by genre. Travel with me as we, in Part 1, look back at the television and music events that made 2013 so 2013:

Happy 'Mean Girls' Day!

It's October 3rd, which means that it's officially Mean Girls Day! Don't know what I mean? Well, stupid, check the gif and the video and learn something for once in your pathetic life:

I don't have much to add, except to say that this movie is in MANY ways the most wonderful movie ever made, I love Tina Fey, and your hair looks sexy pushed back. Also, I only made out with a hot dog like ONE TIME!!

Man, The Emmys Were Weird This Year

Be honest. You came here to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

The 65th Emmy Awards rolled onto the tiny screen last night. It was a time to celebrate the beautiful, buxom, and big-headed stars of all of our favorite television shows. And also Modern Family. It was a weird night, with everyone trying really hard to show everyone that this is the Golden Age of Television. Except that all that posturing made everything seem all the more desperate.  Television is still relevant, and to prove that, here's Carrie Underwood singing a song by The Beatles. Because when you think The Beatles and Walter Cronkite, you think scripted television.

Other than being tonally inconsistent, this was also possibly the saddest Emmys in recent memory (I know that the Modern Family peeps made some reference to this, but I was too upset about 30 Rock/Louie's loss to really pay attention). There were a lot of great actors and actresses that died this year, and it's great to remember them, but the one-on-one eulogies were more painful than anything else. I didn't need to see Edie Falco's strong tears - why you play me like that, Emmy? Also, it's hard to swing back into comedy after seeing the JFK assassination, which was included in the broadcast because...TELEVISION!

She won!

At the very least, this was a very unpredictable Emmys, especially in terms of lady winners. Tina Fey won for writing, which is what Tina Fey should always win for, Merritt Wever gave a delightfully brief acceptance speech, Anna Gunn got some much-deserved love for Breaking Bad, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus proved that she is just better at comedy than anyone else.  Speaking of, it was a pretty great night for Veep and Breaking Bad, the former of which won two big acting awards (Whoo! Tony Hale) and the latter finally picking up the win for Best Drama. Also, The Hour won for writing, and I love that show and I miss it almost every day. Even Jeff Daniels' confusing win for the inscrutable Newsroom couldn't bring me down with wins like that.

Still, the last two hours were a bit of a drag, and host Neil Patrick Harris seemed off his game for the entire night.  We get it, people watch television on their phones. Hilarious. Oh, and you want to make a joke about Thai hookers when introducing the sisters Deschanel? Perfect.  Even with the increasingly odd parade of thin women that used to not be as frighteningly thin, there were a few moments that were pretty great. Will Ferrell's bit with his kids was cute, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey proved once again that they're just the best, and Sarah Silverman and Nathan Fillion were featured for seemingly no reason, but in a good way. It was the Emmys, so, even though it was terrible (nothing for Enlightened, still no love for Jon Hamm), it was still better than most nights, because America, and the world, got to spend a little more time with the pretty people.

Onward and upward.

(source)

30 Rock Finale: Some Thoughts

Take a bow, Tina Fey. Take a frakking bow.

30 Rock ended its amazing run tonight, and I'm still trying to process it all. There were a lot of shout-outs to seasons past, some nods to other show finales, and some incredibly well-placed and fast-paced guest spots. Nancys Pelosi and Donovan turned up, Jenna finally showed a real emotion, and things really worked out for old Liz Lemon. I have some questions (when is Grizz & Herz coming to NBC?!), but for the most part I am very happy with how things turned out.

If I had to put into words how I feel about 30 Rock, I think it's best to quote the hit song from the Rural Juror musical: These were the best days of my...flurm.

For more thoughts on 30 Rock, check out our past articles on the show:

30 Things We'll Miss About 30 Rock

30 Rock's 100th Episode

30 Rock's Great 2nd Live Episode

That Time One Of Us Saw Tina Fey

Liz Lemon's Relationships, Ranked

Liz Lemon Wedding

TGS with Tracy Jordan: A Hellscape

Great 30 Rock Moments

Hipster Baby and 30 Rock

Jackie Jormp-Jomp and "Muffin Top"

Evaluating 30 Rock's Unaired Pilot

30 Rock's Final Week

Jack Donaghy's Many Lady Loves

Alias on 30 Rock

30 Things We'll Miss About 30 Rock

30 Rock ends its impressive 7(SEVEN!)-season run tonight at 8pm (7pm Central) on NBC, and we have been lamenting the loss for quite a while now.  Since we recently learned to count to 30 a few days ago, we thought is was only appropriate that we look at the 30 things we'll miss the most about one of the greatest shows of our time:

Dammit, Johnny! [30 Rock]

While trying to find the perfect videos to accompany our posts on Isabella Rossellini and 30 Rock, we stumbled across this gem of a video. It is difficult to describe exactly what this video makes us feel. However, it's almost impossible to look away:

Such beautiful insanity.

Alias on 30 Rock [30 Rock]

Liz Lemon's Intensity Would
Probably Scare Sydney Bristow

Lately, I have been very much obsessed with both 30 Rock and Alias. At Tableau your mind, we have been writing a lot about 30 Rock because the series finale is airing this Thursday, and we've been thinking about Alias because the stars of the show have been everywhere this awards season. Alias also recently became available on Netflix Instant, which means my Facebook mini-feed is full of people discovering the show for the first time.  It got me thinking about how much the two shows relate to one another (and it's not just because both Sydney Bristow and Liz Lemon subvert Rikke Schubart's ideals of the female action hero as Mother, Daughter, Rape-Avenger, and Dominatrix, amirite?). While 30 Rock has certainly spent more time referencing LOST, the writers/casting agents do show a certain affinity for Alias.

In honor of both shows, I would like to highlight some of the few 30 Rock moments that took me right back to my favorite times with super-spy Sydney Bristow: