Let's just get down to it. There are a lot of actually pretty decent movies out right now, and we here at Tableau Your Mind want to take you through our viewing catalog and let you know what you can miss and what movies should instantly make you want to hit up a movie theater. It's called Hit or Miss, and here we go:
Chris Evans Captain America. He then has to fight another super soldier, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), who is also a mad scientist who stole a blue glowing cube (the Tesseract) from a dying Illuminati or something and is now using it to create super advance weapons. Also,
there's love and Patriotism.
Pros: Well-shot and paced, it's a nice change from splashy superhero movies of today, there's a really great sequence involving USO-type shows, the deaths feel more real than in other superhero movies, and Stanley Tucci seems to be enjoying every minute he's on the screen. Also, well-done CGI.
Cons: It's a little too earnest, lacks the fun and zip of other Avengers movies (especially this summer's Thor, where every character was constantly smirking), and the time period that the movie is set in proves problematic when you know that the film is only a prelude to the Avengers movie due out next year.
Hit or Miss: Still a hit. Sure, it can be as dull as dishwater, but Evans proves to be an adept leading man and there are some well-done moments. It's also basically required viewing as a part of what will be a massively successful film franchise. If only they had let Evans be funny and charming.
Pros: Way better than the similarly themed and ridiculous Ashton Kutcher movie No Strings Attached, the leads have great chemistry and feel like real people, the problems they face in their relationship seem genuine, the writing is goofy but sharp, and the cast is stellar (Patricia Clarkson, Woody Harrelson, Jenna Elfman, and especially Richard Jenkins).
Cons: Because of its delayed release date, it feels super dated, especially the dialogue and plot involving flash mobs (so 2010) , Sean White, Masi Oka, and Katherine Heigl. Woody Harrelson is great but a bit unnecessary, Andy Samberg and Emma Stone are underused, and Timberlake still can't sell real emotion when you know there's a shit-grin right around the corner.
Hit or Miss: Definite Hit. It's nothing new, but it's the most well-done romantic comedy We've seen in a long time. Annie Hall it ain't, but it isn't really trying to be. It's trying to be a fun movie, and it succeeds. Also, the sex scenes are filmed way more convincingly than the Kutcher-Portman train wreck. You actually believe that these two people would want to take a ride to Pleasure Town.
Pros: A few jokes land, Jason Bateman has more fun than he normally seems to be having in movies.
Cons: The best jokes (and I'm counting both explosive diarrhea jokes) are in the trailer, the premise falls flat fast, and, as much as they want you to think otherwise, there's nothing new or inventive here.
Hit or Miss: Miss. If anything, this film serves as an indictment of public urination. If you want to see a bad supernatural fountain movie, see When in Rome. At least that movie is fun and has Anjelica Huston in it.
Synopsis: A man takes romantic walks through the streets of Paris to cure his writer's block and to figure out what's missing in his life. What's missing is 1920s Paris, apparently, since he is shuttled back in time when the clock strikes, you guessed it, midnight.
Pros: Really great cast (including Alison Pill, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, Michael Sheen, and Marion Cotillard), Woody Allen at his most whimsical, a fun story with plenty of great turns.
Cons: Owen Wilson is never really believable as an intellectual writer (Marmaduke is more his wheelhouse), Woody Allen can't help being mind-numbingly pretentious, and Paris is so obviously beautiful that Allen trying to make it seem beautiful just feels lazy. Rain is awesome, we get it.
Hit or Miss: Definite Hit. The best thing Allen's made in a long time. Also, Rachel McAdams really rocks the shirt-dress/belt combo (and it is painful to write that sentence for a variety of reasons).
Pros: It's hilarious, the cast has a great chemistry, Charlie Day in particular is great, that guy from the Fantastic 4 movies plays a guy who gets paid to pee on people.
Cons: There isn't much time spent on Farrell and Aniston, Aniston is actually pretty funny but doesn't get a chance to shine, Sudeikis is playing the hedonistic man-child he plays in everything, and there are virtually no ladies.
Hit or Miss: Hit again! Seriously funny. Even Foxx's mediocre acting and complete lack of comedic timing (what happened there?) can't ruin this movie.
Synopsis: A person who shouldn't be around children is always around children (like Bad Santa). This time it's a teacher, Cameron Diaz, who desperately wants new boobs to snag Justin Timberlake. Hilarity....well, what's the opposite of 'ensues'? De-sues?
Pros: Diaz is funny when she's being a bad person and a bad teacher, Jason Segel is occasionally in it, and Thomas Lennon (of The State and Reno:911) is funny.
Cons: Diaz is not believable as sexy anymore, especially the kind of sexy she's going for, Timberlake is doing the worst kind of SNL comedy acting, the timeline doesn't make any sense, and it's boring.
Hit or Miss: Miss - please, please miss this movie.
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| Captain America doesn't like 'bullies' |
Captain America: The First Avenger
Synopsis: The plot is mostly incidental, but basically Steve Rogers is a wimpy kid with a big heart and a lot of moxie who, when injected with a super serum, becomes the super buff there's love and Patriotism.
Pros: Well-shot and paced, it's a nice change from splashy superhero movies of today, there's a really great sequence involving USO-type shows, the deaths feel more real than in other superhero movies, and Stanley Tucci seems to be enjoying every minute he's on the screen. Also, well-done CGI.
Cons: It's a little too earnest, lacks the fun and zip of other Avengers movies (especially this summer's Thor, where every character was constantly smirking), and the time period that the movie is set in proves problematic when you know that the film is only a prelude to the Avengers movie due out next year.
Hit or Miss: Still a hit. Sure, it can be as dull as dishwater, but Evans proves to be an adept leading man and there are some well-done moments. It's also basically required viewing as a part of what will be a massively successful film franchise. If only they had let Evans be funny and charming.
Friends With Benefits
Synopsis: Two recently dumped new
friends decide to engage in sex without complications, but soon find
complications everywhere. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake star. |
| Friends With Benefits: Summer fun! |
Cons: Because of its delayed release date, it feels super dated, especially the dialogue and plot involving flash mobs (so 2010) , Sean White, Masi Oka, and Katherine Heigl. Woody Harrelson is great but a bit unnecessary, Andy Samberg and Emma Stone are underused, and Timberlake still can't sell real emotion when you know there's a shit-grin right around the corner.
Hit or Miss: Definite Hit. It's nothing new, but it's the most well-done romantic comedy We've seen in a long time. Annie Hall it ain't, but it isn't really trying to be. It's trying to be a fun movie, and it succeeds. Also, the sex scenes are filmed way more convincingly than the Kutcher-Portman train wreck. You actually believe that these two people would want to take a ride to Pleasure Town.
The Change-Up
Synopsis: This R-Rated body snatching movie involves two best friends (a playboy and a married man/father) switching bodies because of some fountain peeing. Wacky, often adult, situations follow and obvious lessons are learned. Pros: A few jokes land, Jason Bateman has more fun than he normally seems to be having in movies.
Cons: The best jokes (and I'm counting both explosive diarrhea jokes) are in the trailer, the premise falls flat fast, and, as much as they want you to think otherwise, there's nothing new or inventive here.
Hit or Miss: Miss. If anything, this film serves as an indictment of public urination. If you want to see a bad supernatural fountain movie, see When in Rome. At least that movie is fun and has Anjelica Huston in it.
Midnight in Paris
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| Midnight in Paris: Shit gets nostalgic |
Pros: Really great cast (including Alison Pill, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, Michael Sheen, and Marion Cotillard), Woody Allen at his most whimsical, a fun story with plenty of great turns.
Cons: Owen Wilson is never really believable as an intellectual writer (Marmaduke is more his wheelhouse), Woody Allen can't help being mind-numbingly pretentious, and Paris is so obviously beautiful that Allen trying to make it seem beautiful just feels lazy. Rain is awesome, we get it.
Hit or Miss: Definite Hit. The best thing Allen's made in a long time. Also, Rachel McAdams really rocks the shirt-dress/belt combo (and it is painful to write that sentence for a variety of reasons).
Horrible Bosses
Synopsis: Three men (Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day) want to kill their bosses (Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, and Kevin Spacey, respectively), who are horrible to varying degrees. They enlist the help of Jamie Foxx. Pros: It's hilarious, the cast has a great chemistry, Charlie Day in particular is great, that guy from the Fantastic 4 movies plays a guy who gets paid to pee on people.
Cons: There isn't much time spent on Farrell and Aniston, Aniston is actually pretty funny but doesn't get a chance to shine, Sudeikis is playing the hedonistic man-child he plays in everything, and there are virtually no ladies.
Hit or Miss: Hit again! Seriously funny. Even Foxx's mediocre acting and complete lack of comedic timing (what happened there?) can't ruin this movie.
Bad Teacher
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| Bad Teacher - Diaz: Older, trolling for tits |
Pros: Diaz is funny when she's being a bad person and a bad teacher, Jason Segel is occasionally in it, and Thomas Lennon (of The State and Reno:911) is funny.
Cons: Diaz is not believable as sexy anymore, especially the kind of sexy she's going for, Timberlake is doing the worst kind of SNL comedy acting, the timeline doesn't make any sense, and it's boring.
Hit or Miss: Miss - please, please miss this movie.
So, let's go to the movies!
