|They are back together, apparently|
Well, it's semi-official: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are back together, just in time to renew our faith in love. Or, they are back together just in time to promote The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part II. Is it true love or a marketing ploy? To find out, I, the main blogger here at Tableau Your Mind, am bringing back one of the most popular segments on the blog. That's right; it's time for a little Point/Counter Point with Guest Blogger Jennifer Love Bacon:
Let's hear Opening Statements:
Tableau: Cupid hath unsheathed his arrows and Eros hath unsheathed his Cupids! Love has officially returned to the land of the rich and famous. Not one week after Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman's pint-sized love was torn asunder, a new hope has arisen. Turn your eyes to the unwashed elite, the frowning fortunate, the grungy gazillionaires, and see how their love sparkles. Yes, Kristen Stewart (K-Stew) and Robert Pattinston (R-Pattz) have once again found love in each other's arms, and all is right with the world.
Jennifer Love Bacon: …
T: So, yeah. Opening Statement concluded.
JLB: OMG the DeVito's broke up!?! That's so sad. They made such a tiny perfect little couple. Who's gonna want them now? Everyone else is too tall! It'll never work!
Okay, so, on to R-Pattz and K-Stew. Ugh, I don't even care about them in comparison to the DeVitos. What the DeVitos had was real and the R-Pattz/K-Stew (sham of a) relationship is just for the press. I bet, when it came out that she cheated, she was just like, "Eh, whatever” [plays with hair] and he was just like [British Accent] "Oh, who's that? That skinny girl from set?”
Opening Statement over!
Opening Statement over!
T: I am laughing out loud. Ironically. Because I'm masking the pain that your words have caused. You know, the DeVito's divorce might have actually been about cheating too. Something he picked up from Schwarzenegger, perhaps. Celebrities sometimes live remarkably parallel lives.
Anyway, don't you feel that, in the wake of the PoehlArnetts and The PearlVitos, it's nice to see that some relationships can be repaired, even if it's temporary. Isn't temporary love enough?
JLB: If by temporary you mean fake, then yeah, sure, I guess they can last. Can you really even picture R-Pattz and K-Stew together? They probably both would just sit awkwardly on the floor, smoldering at each other and watch each other’s hair grease come in. I cannot imagine they have anything to talk about.
T: What you just described is my most perfect understanding of love. As long as their hair doesn't get too close to the fire. That sh*t is flammable. And why the floor, JLB? Did they burn the furniture to make the fire? Because that also sounds like love. Real, Garden State-level love. Nat-Portz/Z-Braff love.
JLB: I first pictured them on a couch, but they were squirming too much, so then I just pictured them in an empty warehouse on the floor. Nat-Portz/Z-Braff love is real love, I agree with you on that.
T: So we're together on that at least. The twee, hipster love of Garden State is the stuff of legends.
Moving on – how long do you see the reconciliation lasting? Until after Breaking Dawn - Part 2 is released, or is this... forever love?
JLB: I think she's gonna cheat on him again. She might do it while they're all promoting Part 2 for the publicity. That would be great, actually, to watch them do round tables together with all the gossip going around. Yeah I'd watch that - score one for publicity team. I’d be all like, “I see through what you're doing and I'm still on board.”
Then he'll start dating a model, which is how the world should work. The Robert Pattinsons of the world should be dating Russian models, not scrawny insecure little b*tches like Kristen Stewart.
T: Yeesh. But, in a way, I fear you're right. Here's what I think. I don't want to side with a cheater, but I still feel like Kristen Stewart was unfairly maligned for her actions. She's a kid, barely in her twenties, and I don't love the way she was dragged through the mud. If it was a starlet who loved the spotlight, that's one thing. I love people who are hoisted by their own petard. But this is K-Stew, a girl intent on making sure that there is no direct light on her, spot- or otherwise. So, I want Robert Pattinson and her to get back together to prove that, what man makes, no gossip magazine may put asunder.
That being said, I'm pretty sure that either Pattinson or Stewart will be dating Taylor Lautner before the year is out. Even odds on K-Stew, but real money could be made by betting on Pattinson.
JLB: Yeah, I go with T-Laut and R-Pattz on that one.
T: I mean, that is the way to publicize a film. I see a headline along the lines of “Cross Kristen Looks on As Werewolf Makes Moves on Vexed Vampire.” Or something, I'm no journalist, but people tend to like alliteration.
JLB: hahaha. So there we have it. We're no closer to the truth, but we're not farther from it, either. I think we should put this discussion squarely in the Win column.
[End of Point/Counter Point]
Until next time: K-Stew, we’re watching you.