Apr 26, 2013

We Should All Be More Like Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson

I love many things in this world: the laughter of children, the laughter of adults when they're taunting children, the fact that only an apostrophe separates "man's laughter" and "manslaughter," and other non-laughing things. Two of those non-laughing things are David O. Russell films and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. And now, through the power of my mind, those two things are one.

Let me explain:

My favorite David O. Russell movie is I Heart Huckabees (no offense, Silver Linings Playbook). I saw it at a time before I was burned by the twee overload of the late-aughts, and it won me over with its unaffected emotion and sweet existentialism. That movie stars a little actor called Mark Wahlberg (doing his trademark independent movie between bigger studio projects). It also starred Jason Schwartzman, and at one point Schwartzman reads a poem about a rock. A rock that he saved from being destroyed by Shania-Twain-loving swamp-haters.

Here is that poem about the rock:

Nobody sits like this rock sits.
You rock, Rock.
The rock just sits and is.
You show us how to just sit here, 
and that's what we need.

This weekend, Michael Bay's Pain and Gain opens, and that movie happens to star Mark Wahlberg (doing one of his trademark bigger studio projects between independent movies). The movie also stars the Rock (Dwayne Johnson), the most affable man in show business. WHAT?! A movie starring Wahlberg and a Rock? Since I don't really see a Schwartzman-Johnson film collaboration in the future, I feel the need to combine those two things into one while I can:

Or, if you prefer simpler versions that didn't take me an hour to draw:

Nobody sits like that rock sits.
Let's hug it out.
You're Welcome.
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