Sep 3, 2014

Thoughts When Looking at First Official Photo of Allison Williams as Peter Pan

Via the Today Show's twitter feed, we now have the first promo photo of Allison Williams in the Peter Pan LIVE! sh*tstravaganza that's airing December 4.  

It's...something. In fact, it's so many somethings that I feel the need to break out my thoughts into salient points: 
  1. The people behind this photo clearly have some experience with Photoshop. I refuse to believe that anyone's leg is that thin and buttless.
  2. Speaking of Photoshop, why did no one think to add a glint to Allison Williams' signature dead eyes? Peter Pan is mischievous. This Peter Pan's only claim to mischief is snorting crushed up Lithium pills that he found in his mom's vanity.
  3. Shorts.
  4. Obviously, this photo portrays the scene in which Peter relaxes on Captain Hook's ship in plain view of the crew, because everyone is best friends. Or this is the part where Peter Pan tells the crew to bring him that horizon.
  5. I have to believe that the production budget for this photo is more than the entire budget for NBC's The Sound of Music LIVE!
  6. Are those shorts actually spandex bike shorts?
  7. I will never understand why costume designers translate 'ruffian' as 'mesh undergarments.' Is Peter crafting his clothes from old mermaid nets. ha...mermaid nets.
  8. What expression is on Allison's face? Determination? Happiness? Hope? Anger?
  9. These leather wrist bracelets were provided by 1995 Hot Topic.
  10. Sword holster, but no sword.
  11. Fun with wigs!
  12. Are those bike shorts actually AQUAMARINE bike shorts?!
I love live/event television. More than the fact that it's fun to see Twitter explode with comments, there's an unfiltered, raw quality to live television that you can't get from regular ol' pre-taped TV. Which is why this photo is so disappointing. Everything is so staged, so Instagram-filtered, and so beatifically polished that it has absolutely no energy. It's a shame that you have a popular television actress in drag and on a ship, playing a classic character from an iconic stage play, and the most exciting thing in the photo is aquamarine bike shorts.

Still, there's no way I'm missing this.
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