My Family Reviews 'Star Trek Into Darkness'

Where they're going, they don't need roads. Because they're in space.

I love watching movies, there's no doubt, but I REALLY love talking about movies. So, when I was staying with my sister and brother-in-law over the holiday weekend, and I happened to find out that we had all seen Star Trek Into Darkness, I was obviously going to talk about it. And write down the conversation, to enjoy the talk at a later date. Just as a bit of background information, my sister is not normally a fan of action movies. She's screamed more than once at more than one Harry Potter movie, and not just the later, scarier ones. She screamed while watching Chamber of Secrets.

Warning: Some of the conversation is a little spoiler-y, so I blotted out everything that might give too much away. You can scroll over the red portions if you want to have some elements of the film spoiled.

Tableau: So, what did you think of the movie?

Sister: It never lets up. It is intense all the time. It felt like it was so constant that you

The Many Things That Make Daenerys Targaryen And Me Angry

We are perturbed, to say the least.

Game of Thrones character Daenarys Targaryen (played by Emilia Clarke) and I are very different people. For instance, I don't have my eyes on the Iron Throne, and she doesn't binge watch USA's Psych while binge-eating Pirate's Booty. Still, despite our differences, it turns out that Daenerys Targaryen (AKA Daenerys Stormborn AKA Khaleesi AKA the Mother of Dragons AKA HMFIC) and I have a lot in common. Specifically, there are quite a few things that make us angry. You know, things that just make us go:

...and then we dance like Michael Jackson around a golf course.

And guess what, society? Much like Zac Efron in High School Musical 2 (I assume), Khaleesi and I are not going to take these offenses lying down.

What Makes us Angry?
(in semi-chronological order) 

Warning: Some Game of Thrones spoilers are included in this post. 
Spoilers for the TV show, not the books. I don't know how to read.

The Office Series Finale: Some Thoughts

 A WARNING: Due to EMOTIONS, my thoughts are a little scatter-shot, 

so some of what I'm about to write might not make sense.

When Steve Carell left The Office two years ago, I was impressed with the way that the show handled his goodbye. There wasn't a lot of fanfare, there was very little crying (on-screen, that is). It was simply a wonderfully perfect episode full of honest and sweet goodbyes. I wrote then that 'the show has always succeeded in the quiet moments', and that was true once again in the series finale, which saw the return of a lot of favorite characters and the departure of even more. There were big decisions made and character revelations abounded, but it was the smaller moments that took center-stage.  

Bea Arthur: Thanks for the Mammaries

this Mona Lisa isn't keeping any secrets

Today, Christie's auction house is selling off artist John Currin's 1991 painting of one Ms. Bea Arthur, star of Maude and The Golden Girls. If that weren't exciting enough, the painting also happens to be a waist-up nude, and Currin isn't leaving much to the imagination. Now, Bea (or Ms. Arthur, if you're nasty) didn't actually pose for the painting; it's merely Currin's artistic guesstimate of what might have been under Ms. Arthur's many floor-length caftans, scarves, and vests. Before you yell "BUMMER!" and close your computer, it should be said that it is still an incredibly striking painting.

Hit the jump for the full monty, and get ready to marvel at the (NSFW) simple strength and poise exuded. Plus, pepperoni nips!

'Game Of Thrones' Meets 'Anchorman'

There were more than a few parallels to Will Ferrell's opus Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy in last night's Game of Thrones, but the Jaime and Brienne's scene in the bear pit was definitely the most obvious:

Bears can smell the menstruation...

My Cousins Review 'Iron Man 3'

Tony Stark Is Haunted By His Past

I'm a pretty lazy person by nature. I'm less of a "carpe diem" man and more of a "sit at home watching marathons of Even Stevens" man.  So, when I found out that my cousins love and were good at reviewing movies, it only made sense that I exploited that as much as possible. And when I realized that they also like drawing pictures, well, the path was clear. So, without further ado, here is my cousins' review of Iron Man 3, the latest in the Tony Stark saga. It gets a tiny bit spoilery (no major reveals, but a few minor plot details are discussed), so you may want to wait until after you watch the movie to read.

Reese Witherspoon’s Arrest is the Best Thing to Happen to Reese Witherspoon Since Reese Witherspoon Won That Oscar

or

Reese Witherspoon's Arrest: Meditations on an Emergency

Reese Witherspoon is a gem. She is an American marvel. She’s got a Southern brassiness and an adorably large chin, and she’s won us over with her film roles that highlight her warmth, determination, and spirit. But sometime between Sweet Home Alabama and last week, our love of Reese Witherspoon has faded. Maybe it was her roles in Four Christmases or War Games This Means War. Actually, it was definitely those things. Much like a child outgrowing their cuteness and trying desperately to reclaim it by unrealistically turning ‘r’s into ‘w’s and adopting a very fake-looking ‘aren’t I precious’ face, Reese Witherspoon has been trying her darnedest to reclaim her rom-com stronghold and force herself back into the spotlight as America’s Sweetheart. The only problem is that, in doing so, she fundamentally

Hipster Baby Knows What's Up

Hey, E'erybody!

I've been busy ruminating on ways to change up Tableau Your Mind, and I have some things coming up that I, for one, am really excited about. Still, it might be a while before I post anything substantial (in this case, 'A while' is roughly 3-5 days).

Honestly, though, my old friend Hipster Baby knows what I'll really be up to in the interim:

Until the future,

Tableau