Nov 19, 2012

Easy Mac Is Disgusting [Rant and Rave]

Dear Kraft,

Hello and thank you for your time. I am writing today as a longtime fan and eater of your Macaroni & Cheese (or, as my Canadian roommate and Barenaked Ladies call it, Kraft Dinner). I was actually a member of the Macaroni & Cheese fan club as a child (I have a decorative license plate with my name on it as proof). I make Kraft Macaroni & Cheese at least once a month, often while singing lines from the indelible song “Blue Box Blues”: “Well, if daddy wants to please me, he's only got to cheese me. I've got the blues!”

So, it is with great sadness that I need to inform you of something that you probably already know but are afraid to admit. Kraft Easy Mac is one of the most disgusting things that has ever been considered food, and it is the grossest microwavable 'treat' I have ever consumed. It's mushy, the cheese powder doesn't mix correctly with the water and noodles, and it smells a little funky (no doubt from the Styrofoam-esque packaging seeping into the noodle water).

I understand that it's difficult to manufacture something microwavable that tastes good. Tostino's Pizza Rolls are an obvious exception (I'm sorry if that's hard for you to see – know that it's just as difficult for me to write). Still, even with the hurdles involved, most microwavable food (mostly frozen or dry-noodle-based) are at least an approximation of their stove and oven counterparts. What you have delivered in Easy Mac is not even noodles. It's barely food.

Also, it makes traditional Kraft Macaroni & Cheese seem hard to make, which it isn't. You're underselling your own product, Kraft! By marketing one of your products as 'easy,' it makes the other seem difficult in comparison. For traditional Mac, All people have to do is boil water and have milk in the fridge – we aren't in a dairy crisis! This can be accomplished!

In conclusion, I would like to say that your microwavable meal may be easy, but it is NO mac. What's worse, I think you're souring a future customer-base to your product by having their first encounter with it be this approximation of real Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Less people will try the real thing when their opinions are based on the taste of the deplorable Easy Mac.  I don't want to upset you, but I think that, when it comes to Easy Mac, it's time to go back to the drawing board.

Thank you for your time,

Tableau Your Mind

P.S. Sometimes I eat Macaroni Cheese with tuna in it. I don't want to ruffle any feathers of the good people of Tuna Helper, but have you ever considered going more high-end, possibly with a meat option. The casserole thing you came out with recently is amazing – Expand on that. Make Kraft a luxury brand, not one of microwavable faux-convenience!
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