Apr 17, 2012

Angelina Jolie Engaged to Her Own Right Leg

Engagement Ring Revealed
(Click to Make Bigger)
This weekend, Angelina Jolie shocked the world when she showed up to a public event with a sizable ring on a very important finger. Yes, Angelina Jolie is engaged, but the real news is that her affianced is not, as was previously reported, Brad Pitt. No, Angelina Jolie is engaged to her very own Right Leg.

Angelina and her Right Leg have had a quick and very public love affair. Various accounts from close friends and stalkers confirm that the relationship with Right Leg (for simplicity’s sake, RL) began before RL had even broken up with his previous paramour, Left Leg. With Angelina Jolie’s rapidly increasing weight loss, RL and Left Leg were growing farther and farther apart, but it wasn’t until the Oscars this year when the split was made public, with RL stepping into the spotlight and leaving Left Leg largely in the dark. Though not their first public appearance together, this was the first time that RL and Jolie had
made such a large show of their relationship, with bloggers and journalists noting that Jolie looked happy for the first time in years.

Shocking Intimate Shots of
Jolie and Right Leg
 From there, the relationship progressed rather quickly. TMZ released paparazzi photos of Jolie and RL at the window of Jolie's home, locked in a passionate, pre/post-coital embrace (pictured right). Taran Killam played a grieving Brad Pitt during the cold open of Saturday Night Live. Suddenly, this seemingly banal meme had blossomed into a romance that a friend close to Jolie and RL called ‘odd’ but ‘certainly something [Jolie] would have done ten years ago.’ Another friend, who didn’t give his name but sounded a lot like Jon Voight, said that the couple has been attached at the hip for years and he wished them all the best in their continuing relationship. He then asked if we pay people for anonymous quotes.

Artist Rendering
of Possible Wedding
As previously noted, the relationship became tabloid fodder once again when Jolie made several very public appearances with RL this past weekend, this time sporting the infamous engagement ring and a broad smile. Left Leg, who also attended at least one of those events, was wearing a stunning Louboutin heel, sheer hosiery and looked happy (if a little emaciated). Rumors have it that Left Leg is seeking comfort in the arms of Quentin Tarantino, who has been close to the Pitt-Jolie’s for years and who’s business cards state that he is a Film Director and Grade A Creeper.

The road to the aisle is a long one, and nobody knows if this whirlwind romance will end with an exchange of vows or a nasty breakup followed by an equally unpleasant amputation. We hope for the former – this underdog couple has always held a special place in our hearts and soles.
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