George Clooney Pulls Off Greatest Prank Yet

Though we don't yet know whether Clooney's marriage to lawyer/activist Amal Alamuddin was part of a complicated casino heist OR his latest attempt to prank a bunch of his friends into giving him gifts before sending them thank you notes with the word "PSYCH" in beautiful calligraphy, we do know that the world's most eligible bachelor has pulled his latest escapade with his signature smug confidence and debonair attitude.

Yesterday, post heist/prank, Alamuddin and Clooney were seen riding boats in Venice, Italy, saltwater spraying their utilitarian sunglasses and wind interacting perfectly with their beautifully coiffed hair. While many believe their confidence will be their undoing, at this point Venetian police have yet to intercede and bring charges against the international stars and thieves.

Whether or not jewels were hidden in the folds of her dress are still unknown, but onlookers did spy a moment when George Clooney, seemingly out of reach of the paparazzi, shared a moment with guests/cohorts Brad Pitt and Matt Damon, the three of them quietly staring at a fountain with content smiles on their faces.

I extend a congratulations and slow clap to the happy couple.

Hollywood Couples We Root For: Part Deux

Man, pop culture news has been pretty depressing recently. The summer movie season has been weird and a little disappointing, and television has been less than diverting. Plus, between the deaths, suicides, and Modern Family winning big at the Emmy Awards, it's a pretty bleak picture off-screen as well. So to liven things up, I'm bringing back one of the earliest features on the blog.

Maggie Gyllenhaal hasn't yet left
Peter Sarsgaad for an orb of pure light.

Way back in 2011, in my second post, I talked about celebrity couples who needed to stay together, because the strength of their bonds actually helps people believe that love for normal, non-famous people can exist.

And that hope remains. I guess. I mean, all the couples are still together. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are still keeping it weird. Anne Meara and Jerry Stiller are still alive. Jennifer Aniston is technically all up in Justin 'Sweatpants' Theroux, but everyone knows that Courteney Cox is the real love of her life. 

So let's look at more couples who prove love is real, even if it's just real for the pretty people. Without further ado, here is a list of Hollywood Couples We Root For, Part Deux:

Go See Bridget Everett's Rock Bottom

There's a show on the Joe's Pub stage that you need to see. It's Bridget Everett's Rock Bottom, which is running now through October 16. And you need to see it. Because it's fantastic.

Now, granted, I'm a little biased. I've been a fan of Everett since I first saw her as "Drunk Party Girl" in the first Sex and the City movie. Seeing it in the theater, I remember my sister leaning over and whispering, "That's Bridget Everett. She's amazing."

Pray for Gwyneth Paltrow

Some old white lady was really mean to her.

In an interview with Net-a-Porter's Porter Magazine, Martha Stewart had a lot of great, frank opinions about subjects as diverse as Lean In and Taylor Schilling's performance in Orange is the New Black. However, it was perhaps most refreshing to hear her opinions on Gwyneth Paltrow, a wonderful woman who everyone in Hollywood seems terrified of. While the world recoils at her out-of-touch advice and breathy judgmentalism, celebrities only have wonderful things to say about her. Not Martha Stewart! Speaking about Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP franchise, Stewart says:

She just needs to be quiet. She's a movie star. 
If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn't be trying to be Martha Stewart.

Adrift in a mist of criticism

Poor, poor Gwyneth Paltrow.

...and for fun, some Alternate Headlines:

• Convicted Felon Throws Shade at Bucket of Elbows

• Blonde on Blonde Crime

• Someone Still Considers Gwyneth Paltrow a Movie 'Star'

• Person Ana Gasteyer Used to Impersonate is A**hole to Star of Country Strong.

• Self-Made Millionaire Gives Constructive Criticism to Blythe Danner's Daughter

• Single Mothers Don't Get Along

Thoughts When Looking at First Official Photo of Allison Williams as Peter Pan

Via the Today Show's twitter feed, we now have the first promo photo of Allison Williams in the Peter Pan LIVE! sh*tstravaganza that's airing December 4.  

It's...something. In fact, it's so many somethings that I feel the need to break out my thoughts into salient points: 

1. The people behind this photo clearly have some experience with Photoshop. I refuse to believe that anyone's leg is that thin and buttless.
2. Speaking of Photoshop, why did no one think to add a glint to Allison Williams' signature dead eyes? Peter Pan is mischievous. This Peter Pan's only claim to mischief is snorting crushed up Lithium pills that he found in his mom's vanity.
3. Shorts.
4. Obviously, this photo portrays the scene in which Peter relaxes on Captain Hook's ship in plain view of the crew, because everyone is best friends. Or this is the part where Peter Pan tells the crew to bring him that horizon.
5. I have to believe that the production budget for this photo is more than the entire budget for NBC's The Sound of Music LIVE!
6. Are those shorts actually spandex bike shorts?
7. I will never understand why costume designers translate 'ruffian' as 'mesh undergarments.' Is Peter crafting his clothes from old mermaid nets. ha...mermaid nets.
8. What expression is on Allison's face? Determination? Happiness? Hope? Anger?
9. These leather wrist bracelets were provided by 1995 Hot Topic.
10. Sword holster, but no sword.
11. Fun with wigs!
12. Are those bike shorts actually AQUAMARINE bike shorts?!

I love live/event television. More than the fact that it's fun to see Twitter explode with comments, there's an unfiltered, raw quality to live television that you can't get from regular ol' pre-taped TV. Which is why this photo is so disappointing. Everything is so staged, so Instagram-filtered, and so beatifically polished that it has absolutely no energy. It's a shame that you have a popular television actress in drag and on a ship, playing a classic character from an iconic stage play, and the most exciting thing in the photo is aquamarine bike shorts.

Still, there's no way I'm missing this.