Jan 6, 2014

Cameron Diaz's Lush Pubic Hair [A Quiz]

At the end of last week, a section of Cameron Diaz's new book, The Body Book, was released. In the excerpt (titled "In Praise of Pubes"), Diaz extols the virtues of growing out the hair 'round one's nether-regions, somewhat demonizing laser-hair removal in the process. When looking through snippets of her ode to snippets, it was clear to me that this piece was thorough, researched, and brave, which are also three words I often use to describe the venerable actress Cate Blanchett. Indeed, with Diaz's beautiful words about downstairs lady hair, she exhibits a strength that can only be described as Blanchett-esque. And just as Cate Blanchett uses films, Cameron Diaz uses her vaginal adornments to showcase the strength of The Feminine. In the quotes below, see if you can decide: Diaz Pubic Hair quote or Cate Blanchett dialogue? In order to make the task a little more difficult, I've substituted 'give-away' words with the words 'monkey paw':

I think permanent MONKEY PAW sounds like a crazy idea. Forever? I know you may think you'll be wearing the same style of shoes forever and the same style of jeans forever, but you won't.
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paw = laser hair removal                                  
(highlight the darkened area for the answer)

Let's be honest: just like every other part of your body, your MONKEY PAW is not immune to gravity.
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paw =labia majora                                         

I, too, can command the wind, sir! I have a hurricane in me that will strip MONKEY PAW bare if you dare to try me!
Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: The Golden Age: Monkey Paw = Spain

Would you still love me if MONKEY PAW were old and saggy?
Cate Blanchett - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Monkey Paw = I

Do you really want a hairless MONKEY PAW for the rest of your life?
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paw = vagina                                       

This MONKEY PAW is where you and your government have hidden all of your secrets, yes?
Cate Blanchett - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Monkey Paw = warehouse

MONKEY PAWS keep the goods private, which can entice a lover to come and take a closer look at what you have to offer.
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paws = Pubes                                                                           

There's a big fad these days of young women undergoing MONKEY PAW on all of their MONKEY PAWS. 
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paw = laser hair removal, lady bits                                       

I have rid MONKEY PAW of her MONKEY PAW. What do I do now? Am I to be made of stone? Must I be touched by nothing?
Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: Monkey Paw = England, enemies

We'll be everywhere at once, more powerful than a whisper, invading your MONKEY PAW, thinking your thoughts for you while you sleep. We will change you, MONKEY PAW, all of you, from the inside. We will turn you into us. And the best part? You won't even know it's happening.
Cate Blanchett - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Monkey Paw = dreams, Dr. Jones

Twenty years from now, you will still want to be presenting MONKEY PAW to someone special, and it would be nice to let him or her unwrap it like the gift that it is.
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paw: It                                  

Anxiety, nightmares, and a nervous breakdown  there's only so many traumas a MONKEY PAW can withstand until they take to the streets and start screaming.
Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine: Monkey Paw = person

The idea that MONKEY PAWS are preferable in a hairless state is a pretty recent phenomenon, and all fads change, people.
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paws = vaginas, again

MONKEY PAW also serves as a pretty draping that makes it a little mysterious to the one who might be courting your sexiness.
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paw = Pubic Hair                                                                                      

I expected a little maturity, I expect you to face this MONKEY PAW like an adult.
Cate Blanchett - The Aviator: Monkey Paw = situation

You're nothing but waste and disappointment! You bitter old MONKEY PAW. You're lonely for a reason. They loathed you at school, all of them. I was the idiot who bothered, but only because no one told me you're a f*cking MONKEY PAW! So what is it? You want to roll around the floor like lovers? You want to f*ck me, MONKEY PAW?
Cate Blanchett - Notes on a Scandal: Monkey Paw = virgin, vampire, Barbara

Once before I said goodbye to a man going to MONKEY PAW. He never came back
Cate Blanchett - Robin Hood: Monkey Paw = War

MONKEY PAW shall be kept alive to always remind me of how close I came to danger.
Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: Monkey Paw = He

Do you really want a hairless MONKEY PAW for the rest of your life?
Cameron Diaz: Monkey Paw = vagina

The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great MONKEY PAWS. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine MONKEY PAWS were gifted to the race of men, who, above all else, desire power. But they were, all of them, deceived, for another MONKEY PAW was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master MONKEY PAW, to control all others. And into this MONKEY PAW he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One MONKEY PAW to rule them all.
Cameron Diaz...Just Kidding, it's Cate Blanchett - The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Monkey Paw I Mean Ring: Monkey Paw = Rings, rings, ring, ring, ring, ring

That last one was hella tricky! How many did you get right?
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...