My Mom Reviews 'Rock of Ages'

Most Reviewers' Opinion of the Film

Rock of Ages, the newest rock-musical-turned-movie, was pretty much hated by critics and unceremoniously ignored by audiences. Who, exactly, is this movie for? Well, I wanted an answer to that question, so I asked the only person whose opinion matters more to me than my own: my mother.

Here is her opinion on Rock of Ages, dictated with approval:

I don’t care what they say, that it’s cheesy or whatever, but for me − I was thoroughly entertained. There were some 80s songs with some Tom Cruise and some silly Alec Baldwin added in. What’s not to like?

Well, I didn’t, um − I couldn’t − the lead guy. Somehow, I didn’t believe him as a rocker.  He sings beautifully, but I didn’t buy into him. He didn’t really fit the role. Also, there was a souped-up, different looking Catherine Zeta-Jones - she’s done something with her face. It was distracting. 

Tom Cruise werqs it

 But there were a few acting gems. I haven’t seen Tom Cruise in a while, and he looked and felt like a rocker, like Axl Rose. He does the part really well. And Paul Giamatti…

[Laughs, trails off]

I even liked what’s his name… Katy Perry’s husband. Oh, I mean ex-husband. Oops.

Mostly, I just wanted to be entertained. I liked that it was a really easy, uncomplicated movie. I didn’t need the plot to chicken.

[Laughs]

No, I don’t mean thicken, I mean chicken. Haven’t you read that storybook? What’s that name? The Plot Chickens. Look it up − I know things − look it up.

I’ve had a margarita.*

[Laughs]

Guest Blogger

Back to the movie: I knew it was going to be cheesy going in − I don’t what the reviewers were expecting. It’s all about mindset. Friends of ours, [Redacted], went to see it at a different time at a different theater and felt the same way. It might be our age group or, I don’t know. Something.  Here’s the thing − on a Saturday night, I couldn’t see a Broadway musical, so I saw this.

It’s like a thirst-quenching, cold margarita on a hot day. It may not be perfect, but it gets the job done.

Guest Blogger 'Mom' spends her days worrying that her children aren't living up to their full potentials and organic gardening.


*The original post mentioned that the guest blogger had drunk 'a few margaritas.' We changed it to reflect that, in actuality, she had only consumed ONE margarita