Best of 2013: A Year With Jennifer Lawrence, A Year Without Kristen Stewart

J Law: Bringing It.

Maddeningly (to me and no one else), I have yet to finish my "Best of 2013" round-up. I'm Richard MAD-den at myself. I'm Tyler Perry's A MAD-ea Christmas. I'm Mäd-chen Amick about my procrastinatory nature. So, in an effort to get this 2013 coverage rolling (and to stall a little longer), let's talk about a person who definitely won 2013. And that person is Jennifer Lawrence.

(I MADE THIS!)

Now, people in my head, before you yell at me for writing another post about a blonde lady, it was undeniably Jennifer Lawrence's year (along with fellow blonde lady Beyoncé). She starred in the highest grossing film of the year AND got some sweet accolades for her performance in American Hustle. She also dominated the public consciousness, seemingly popping up at press conferences and talk shows every few days

Film Review: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2

We couldn't bring ourselves to see The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2, because even saying the name makes us feel ridiculous, so we deputized Guest Blogger Bro-sie the Riveter to review it for us:

I read the Twilight books four years ago during Thanksgiving break of my senior year of high school. I bring this up because the book of Breaking Dawn is probably one of the most insane things I've ever read. There are weird no-sex-before-marriage and anti-abortion undertones mixed with the fact that an adult werewolf falls in love with a baby and it's okay. A third of the book is told from the pedo-wolf's (AKA Jacob's) perspective, because Bella is pregnant and no one wants to listen to a pregnant lady talk about her problems. So the fact that the producers take out that part, and then split the story into two movies leaves very little to piece together in this finale. 

The screenwriter, Melissa Rosenberg, tries to make this final movie into a concluding chapter of an epic. The one major flaw is that The Twilight Saga is anything but an epic. We establish that Bella is a vampire now, meaning she doesn't breathe, has amazing posture, and basically acts like a statue – Which gets rid of 90% of K-Stew’s acting style (i.e. heavy breathing, slouching, and having nervous tics like running her hands through her hair). But that just leaves blank eyes and her pretending to be an animal. She also hilariously almost kills some mountain climber who should probably die anyway because he's on a cliff in the middle of nowhere without any rope, but Edward stops her. So instead, she eats a mountain lion.

Bella's vampire sister-in-law, Alice, builds her and Edward an adorable cottage in the woods. It's basically a teenage girl's fantasy: post-marriage bliss, having a baby, and being a vampire allows you to have sex forever. I'm serious. This house is basically a sex house. After the most uncomfortable PG-13 foreplay ever, they quickly cut to Edward and Bella

Bad Lip-Reading of Twilight [Best Ever]

The good people of Bad Lip-Reading, who have provided us with so many laughs with their ingenious lip dubs of politicians, movie trailers, and more, have finally hit the mother load with their newest video that endeavors to lip-read the stars and infamous low-talkers of Twilight: