Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 9: Procrastinator Edition

Hello there, dear readers. I haven't written a legit blog post in almost two months, and the ratio of movies I've seen vs. movies I've reviews has gotten impressively large. The main reason behind that is that I was a producer on a television series for most of April and May, which meant most of my free time was spent thinking about one specific TV show rather than writing about a myriad TV shows and movies.  To rectify that, I present condensed reviews of many of the recent releases I've imbibed. Should you HIT the theater to watch them, or maybe MISS them entirely. The only way to know is to read on!!

Age of Adaline

Starring: Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman, Ellen Burstyn, and Harrison Ford

Time goes by so slowly
for those who wait.

The Story: After a car crash and a freak electrocution, Adaline (Lively) is dismayed to find out that she can't age.  Afraid of what the government might do to her if they find out, she continually changes her identity and runs away from any kind of attachment. Her only confidant is her daughter (Ellen Burstyn), who Adaline must watch age while she stays the same.

Pros: It's an interesting story, and it's well-acted. Blake Lively convincingly portrays a 100+ year-old in a 20-something body.

Cons: The narration is clunky and unnecessary, and the film's attempts to scientifically explain Adaline's condition only makes her condition seem even more ludicrous. And, despite glimpses of her past, the story stays mostly in the present, which deprives the audience of seeing Adaline as she makes her way through life in the 1900s. Instead, we watch a tepid love story between two very attractive people, one of whom has a secret. Oooooo.

Consensus: This movie is totally worth a $1 rental in Redbox, and it's not a bad way to spend two hours if you can't find anything good on Netflix. Still, it's totally MISS-able in theaters.

87th Annual Academy Awards: A Photo Recap

 This was The Oscars:

Oh, also, Birdman won Best Picture. yay.

Trailer Dump: 2015 Sequel Edition

Sometimes my brain is tired, and I need to unwind with a good movie trailer. There's nothing like a 2-minute dose of movie wonder to jog me out of a funk. The spectacle! The CGI! The voice over work! The soaring score! The over-explaining of plot to the point that it ruins the movie! Thankfully, in the past few weeks, we have seen the releases of exciting trailers for movies that plenty of people are waiting to see, myself included. 2015, like 2014 before it, will be another year full of sequels, prequels, and reboots of some of the largest film franchises of all time. In an era increasingly defined by unearned nostalgia and Buzzfeed listicles, next year will possibly be the apex of our growing need to mix the new with the familiar. Let's take a look at what the new year has to offer, and judge harshly and preemptively:

We Should All Be More Like Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson

I love many things in this world: the laughter of children, the laughter of adults when they're taunting children, the fact that only an apostrophe separates "man's laughter" and "manslaughter," and other non-laughing things. Two of those non-laughing things are David O. Russell films and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. And now, through the power of my mind, those two things are one.

Let me explain:

New 'Two and a Half Men' Poster Reveals All (and Nothing)

[Photo Source]

CBS released the first promo photo for their new version of Two and a Half Men today, which includes Ashton Kutcher as a new, mysterious character (who is hopefully also a jingle-writing cad). What will be revealed on September 19th? Well, from the look of the poster, it's probably either 'what is John Cryer grimacing at' or 'how is Angus T. Jones (age 17) still considered a half-man'. Of course, there are some other possibilities:

Film Review: Fast Five

Fast Five blew through theaters this weekend raking up over $86 Million and the honor of the highest grossing Universal release in its entire history, beating out The Lost World: Jurassic Park by about $14 Million! Millions of people came in droves to support the oft-forgotten "Booty and Tricked Out Cars" Coalition, and I was among them. Let me just say that this movie is AMAZING! It's a non-stop, ridiculous adrenaline ride that sucks you in quickly and doesn't let go until the very last frames -- even the credits sequence is fun. Of course, it is a ridiculous movie, and the acting is so bad that you almost can't look at the screen, but you also can't look away. After the jump, check out my look back the the most awesome things about Fast Five (with a few minor Spoilers from Fast 1-4)!

(Click to Enlarge -- It's Totally Worth It)