Dec 24, 2013

Merry Christmas from Tableau Your Mind

Hello All,

I hope you're enjoying the holiday season. I haven't written a post in a while, including a 2013 wrap-up. It will likely be posted early next week, or whenever I can get up the energy to write the damn thing. In the meantime, I wanted to wish you a Merry little Christmas, and a very happy Holidays.

Remember: Yeezus is the reason for the season.

Dec 5, 2013

Quick Reviews: 'The Hunger Games: Catching Fire'

Katniss: The Mockingjay Girl on Fire Who Freezes on Camera
When I reviewed the first Hunger Games movie last year, I called it an 'above average adaptation of a book that is extremely difficult to adapt.' Above average is pretty much the meanest thing I've ever said about a movie that stars Jennifer Lawrence, so it was a pretty

Quick Reviews: 'Thor: The Dark World'

Marvel's Very Own Shakespearean Tragedy
Call me crazy, but I really liked the first Thor movie. Directed by Shakespeare's own Kenneth Branagh, the movie had a good speed, classic heroes and villain archetypes, and a fairly simple story of betrayal, family, and honor. It was like watching a play at the freaking theater, but with magic!  So I had pretty high hopes for the second film in this Marvel property, and all-in-all I wasn't too disappointed.  Thor 2: The Streets picks up some time after The Avengers, and, after a confusing prologue, once again focuses on Dr. Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and her merry band of science imbeciles. Foster is working to get over her

Nov 20, 2013

Balthrop, Alabama: Drawstravaganza!

Last night, I had the distinct pleasure of going to see Balthrop, Alabama at Joe's Pub (which I realize I've written about for two posts in a row, but I-go-there-a-lot-so-get-off-my-back!). Balthrop, Alabama is one of my all-time favorite bands. I just can't get enough of them.

As a bonus, Joe's Pub and artist-in-residence Michael Arthur teamed up with Tumblr to add an audience, live-drawing aspect to the show. Now, Michael Arthur AKA Toxie Goodwater already live-draws the shows, but last night the audience was invited to join him. Now, I've never live-drawn anything, really, but I gave it a shot and here are my results:

The band is actually ginormous, but I focused on the people I could actually see from where I was sitting. I may color these in at some point, but for now I'mma leave 'em in B&W.


Nov 12, 2013

My Pop Culture Weekend: Nov 9-10

When I wrote my first 'My Pop Culture Weekend' back in June (!), I sort of had the idea that they would be a regular event - a way to showcase just how much I watch in a given 48 hours. However, I was so busy watching movies and television and listening to music that I kind of forgot to write about it. My bad. Obviously, the only thing that could break me out of this pattern was to have the MOST EPIC POP CULTURE WEEKEND of all time, which is what I had this weekend.

In theory I would list all the things that I watched and listened to and talk about how I feel about 'em, but there was really one event that made this past weekend so legendary. So, here's a quick list of everything else I watched/listened to:

Nov 5, 2013

Woody Allen 'Makes Love' *shudder*

This is the first post I've written in over a month, and I have come back to ask you all a very serious question how long has it been since you've ralphed? Like, when was the last time you had a seriously good vomit sesh in the back of a Ford Pinto, PT Cruiser, or whatever cool car the kids are throwing up in these days?

Well, if you're in the need of a good chuck (of the 'up' variety), then check out this Supercut

Oct 3, 2013

Happy 'Mean Girls' Day!

It's October 3rd, which means that it's officially Mean Girls Day! Don't know what I mean? Well, stupid, check the gif and the video and learn something for once in your pathetic life:

I don't have much to add, except to say that this movie is in MANY ways the most wonderful movie ever made, I love Tina Fey, and your hair looks sexy pushed back. Also, I only made out with a hot dog like ONE TIME!!

Sep 30, 2013

Everyone Dies Sometime, Kiddo – Thoughts on the ‘Breaking Bad’ Series Finale.

The following article is about last night's Breaking Bad finale. Spoilers follow.

I haven’t written about Breaking Bad before now, because my recent obsession with the show is just that: recent. I watched the pilot many years ago, and was really turned off by it. It felt clunky and overly expository. I thought that, if a show had to spend so much time proving the legitimacy of the world, than this was not a show worth getting into.

Boy, was I wrong. Over the past year, marathon viewing sessions of Breaking Bad have made me a much darker person, but they have also instilled in me a hope for television’s future. With a landscape populated with sub-par reality television and inexplicably popular CBS sitcoms, it was nice to see a show that was both a ratings hit (especially in the final, protracted season) and a critical darling. It was incredible to see a show that didn't f*ck around with the audience, that was constantly rewarding, and that didn't sacrifice character for story (with a few minor exceptions). It was great to see a series that wasn't so up its own ass that it was afraid to innovate and change, molding the narrative as it went along.  After years of Lost creators telling people that they had an endgame in mind when they totally didn't, it was nice to see a show that gladly flew by the seat of its pants when it came to breaking character and story arcs. This loose structure made it

Sep 27, 2013

It's Time To Get Excited About the 'Into the Woods' Movie

Into the Woods is being made into a movie, and I'm very excited, and I'm sure I'll talk at length about it in the months ahead. But for now:

Sep 23, 2013

Man, The Emmys Were Weird This Year

Be honest. You came here to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

The 65th Emmy Awards rolled onto the tiny screen last night. It was a time to celebrate the beautiful, buxom, and big-headed stars of all of our favorite television shows. And also Modern Family. It was a weird night, with everyone trying really hard to show everyone that this is the Golden Age of Television. Except that all that posturing made everything seem all the more desperate.  Television is still relevant, and to prove that, here's Carrie Underwood singing a song by The Beatles. Because when you think The Beatles and Walter Cronkite, you think scripted television.

Other than being tonally inconsistent, this was also possibly the saddest Emmys in recent memory (I know that the Modern Family peeps made some reference to this, but I was too upset about 30 Rock/Louie's loss to really pay attention). There were a lot of great actors and actresses that died this year, and it's great to remember them, but the one-on-one eulogies were more painful than anything else. I didn't need to see Edie Falco's strong tears - why you play me like that, Emmy? Also, it's hard to swing back into comedy after seeing the JFK assassination, which was included in the broadcast because...TELEVISION!

She won!
At the very least, this was a very unpredictable Emmys, especially in terms of lady winners. Tina Fey won for writing, which is what Tina Fey should always win for, Merritt Wever gave a delightfully brief acceptance speech, Anna Gunn got some much-deserved love for Breaking Bad, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus proved that she is just better at comedy than anyone else.  Speaking of, it was a pretty great night for Veep and Breaking Bad, the former of which won two big acting awards (Whoo! Tony Hale) and the latter finally picking up the win for Best Drama. Also, The Hour won for writing, and I love that show and I miss it almost every day. Even Jeff Daniels' confusing win for the inscrutable Newsroom couldn't bring me down with wins like that.

Still, the last two hours were a bit of a drag, and host Neil Patrick Harris seemed off his game for the entire night.  We get it, people watch television on their phones. Hilarious. Oh, and you want to make a joke about Thai hookers when introducing the sisters Deschanel? Perfect.  Even with the increasingly odd parade of thin women that used to not be as frighteningly thin, there were a few moments that were pretty great. Will Ferrell's bit with his kids was cute, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey proved once again that they're just the best, and Sarah Silverman and Nathan Fillion were featured for seemingly no reason, but in a good way. It was the Emmys, so, even though it was terrible (nothing for Enlightened, still no love for Jon Hamm), it was still better than most nights, because America, and the world, got to spend a little more time with the pretty people.

Onward and upward.


Sep 16, 2013

Art Imitates Life or Vice Versa or Something

Well, it turns out that "Wrecking Ball," the Miley Cyrus song about a failed relationship that Miley kinda sings also kinda turned out to be prescient, since she and fiancé Liam Hemsworth called off their engagement today. Some people, who thought that their love was the true-true, will find this shocking. For those of us who thought that they broke up six months ago, it's mind boggling. For everyone else, it's Monday.

"It's Miley!"
So, Happy Monday, 99% of everyone!

Sep 10, 2013

I'm In A Bit Of Creative Rut

I haven't been able to write a blog post in over a month. The words, they aren't coming. So, it's obviously time to...


 That's so twerking...

Disturbing, zeitgeisty twerking...

Parody twerking...

The zenith and nadir of twerking (even though it was staged)...


Thanks, Hulk Judi Dench!

Aug 7, 2013

You Wouldn't Like Judi Dench When She's Angry...

Based on this episode of the Comedy Bang! Bang! podcast, wherein Scott Aukerman interviews Doug Benson, I made this photo of gamma-roided out Judi Dench. Because when Dench angry, Dench smash.

I may never understand why Doug Benson feels that the latest James Bond movie has too much Judi Dench in it, but at least I now know the appropriate reaction.

Jul 31, 2013

Happy Birthday, Harry Potter!

I guess we can stop celebrating my birthday now and start celebrating "the boy who lived." 


Oh, and there's more Harry Potter goodness on this site, available here.

Jul 30, 2013

It's My Birthday!

July 30th (TODAY) is my birthday. I was birthed many years ago on this very day. Since I haven't ever really written my name on this blog, you're probably trying to figure out which famous person I am: Lisa Kudrow or Arnold Schwarzenegger.  I could easily be either, butif I'm being completely honest, I'm more similar to the picture to below than either of the aforementioned A-listers:

My photoshop, my selfie
Anyway, I thought I should do something special on this blog to commemorate occasion. So, in the same way that birthdays are spent recognizing hard work and regret, I thought it best to take a look back at the Tableau Your Mind articles that never were, the articles that never quite made it to print. Often, by the time I draw a picture or draft an article, the subject matter doesn't hold any interest. Often I just don't have an opinion on something, or I'm being lazy, or the world has forgotten the thing I set out to write about. Whatever the reason, I have, over the years of writing this blog, amassed a pretty large collection of useless pictures and article snippets. Here are some lost articles from the past year of my life:

Jul 24, 2013

Jul 22, 2013

A Birth Announcement from Her Royal Highness [UPDATE]

Kate Middleton (Duchess of Cambridge) is currently in labor has just given birth, bringing forth (what may one day be) the heir to all of England. Or, the King/Queen of all Great Britain, I'm not really sure. While I'm fascinated by British royalty, I also don't understand it. I just learned last month that Canada doesn't have a demi-King that answers to the British queen. So, I wouldn't be surprised if I was really wrong and this baby is just a normal baby with attractive parents.

But that's not really the point, because, in anticipation of the birth, Tableau Your Mind has attained exclusive access to the surprisingly upbeat announcement from her royal highness, Queen Elizabeth II. It's pretty exciting:

So, welcome to the world, Baby Middleton! And don't piss off your gammy.

Jul 12, 2013

"Comedy Bang! Bang!" is Back on IFC Tonight!

Comedy Bang! Bang! is one of my all-time favorite podcasts, and IFC (one of my favorite channels) up and made an amazing TV show loosely based on that podcast. It's hosted by comedian/raconteur Scott Aukerman, and his band-leader is the musically/comedically gifted Reggie Watts. It's sort of a talk show, with each episode featuring a celebrity guest and a bunch of comedians and actors doing characters and seemingly having a lot of fun.  Michael Cera was murdered in one episode, though, so fun for everyone is not necessarily on the table.

Anyway, the second season begins tonight on IFC at 10/9c, with more special guests than you can shake a stick at (if you're so inclined). So, watch it! Also, if you do listen to the podcast, I made a Mona Lisa inspired GIF of the show. Because reasons.

Jul 3, 2013

Nemo and Darla Part II: Spider...MEN?!

A few weeks ago, my cousins and I wrote a short story titled "Nemo and Darla's Adventures in Crime: Part 1" without any indication of whether there would be a part 2. In this work of fiction, collectively written by myself and my two cousins (age 10 and 13), we followed the lives of a boy, Nemo, and his best friend, a unicorn named Darla. We each took turns writing a sentence, and slowly but surely a strange story emerged.  Well, the first installment was wildly popular, so I forced my cousins to write another chapter (just kidding, they wanted to...I swear). In continuing the series, my cousins and I attempted (ever so slightly) to tell a story with a little more pop-culture relevance, and we accidentally landed on a story about the superhero of the moment. We're talking Spider-man!

Jun 27, 2013

Hit Or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 5!

It's summer again, which means that there are more movies in theaters than there is time to see them. There are indie darlings, action hero blockbusters, and raucous comedies. There are even a few dramas in there to spice things up. Since you can't see all of the movies (you have a life, after all), I saw them all for you (me - no life) and can tell you which ones you should hit the theater to see and which ones can miss.

It's been almost exactly a year since I've done this form of quick-fire reviews, so pardon me if I'm a little rusty.

Jun 26, 2013

The Definitive "Maya Angelou" GIF

I have made something beautiful.
I finally understand what people feel like when they give birth to children.
It's beautiful, it's succinct, it's Ange-looney!

Also, this always makes me happy:

Jun 14, 2013

Nemo and Darla Part I: Adventures in Crime

My Cousins
Usually I stick pretty close to the pop-culture spectrum of movies, television, theater, and music. I don't delve into real-life current events or talk too much about my personal life. Today, however, I wanted to bring you something that is neither pop-culture related nor serious/real. I bring you a work of fiction, collectively written by myself and my two cousins (age 10 and 13).  We each took turns writing a sentence, and slowly but surely a strange story emerged.  Herewith is the first part in what I hope will be an ongoing series: "Nemo and Darla's Adventures in Crime: Part 1"

There once was a boy named Nemo. Nemo liked to eat broccoli and his sister's boogers. It seemed like he had nothing to live for. He always found ways to cause big trouble, as if he was really stupid. But he wasn't stupid at all, but rather a genius who had trouble communicating.

One day a crime happened in the Mississippi National Bank. Nemo wanted to stop weird people from robbing the bank, but he lived too far away. 

So instead, he sent his unicorn, Darla, to stop the robbers.

Darla shouted "Never fear, one of Nemo's servants is here, so stop it!" at the robbers. 

Nemo watched the whole thing from Darla's back, and shouted "Oh, Beezle Bazzles, they're getting away!" The robbers heard him, hit him and Darla on the head, and got away with all the money.

When Nemo woke up, he used a special device to get to the robbers and save the day. The Mayor thanked the two heroes and rewarded them with shiny medals and chimichangas. 

The End
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