Gwyneth Paltrow Is Thirsty for POTUS

It's been a while since Gwyneth Paltrow consciously uncoupled from her husband, noted 'singer' Chris Martin. He's moved on (apparently to Lawrencier pastures), and it was only a matter of time before she did the same. And, since Ms. Paltrow is the most powerful woman in the world (according to sources-close-to-her-but-probably-it's-just her-doing-a-funny-accent), it is understandable that she would look for a mate of equal caliber. That man, apparently, is the President of the United States.

Yes, Paltrow went fishing for some Head of State tail, hosting a benefit for President Barack Obama at her home in California and really laying the compliments on thick. While speaking at the event, Gwinnie made it clear how big a fan she is of our nation's leader, talking about how he reinvigorated politics and he's so great at President-ing and whatnot. While her effusiveness is easy to understand, the following quote from her speech is a little less defensible:

"You’re so handsome that I can’t speak properly"

Keep it in your pants, Paltrow.  He's the President, not the newest bachelor on The Bachelor. Plus, you're in public, your kids are in the room, and he's married to a woman who could bench press you. 

We all know you've been lonely. And, sure, you're thirsty...

...but you need to find someone a little further down on the totem pole. That's why you married someone from Coldplay instead of marrying someone from Radiohead. You need someone who you can exert a little power over.

Don 't be an Olivia Pope, Gwyn. Be a Jennifer Lopez.

Olivia Pope is definitely Sydney Bristow [Scandal/Alias]

Scandal and Alias spoilers are in this post. 

Do not read if you are more than a few weeks behind in Scandal!

Whatever the problem, Olivia handles it.

Scandal is obviously the water-cooler television show of the moment. Everybody's talking about it. Open up your window right now – you will hear faint whispers in the wind:
  ...what's the deal with quinn...
                 ...i can't believe olivia allows fitz to eat her face like that...
                                             ...mellie is the best....
The show is poppy, it's fresh, and it finds surprisingly interesting ways to introduce plot twists without feeling tired or try-hard. Plus, it's hella fun.

In case you don't watch the show but are still reading this article, the series follows Olivia Pope and her merry band of Gladiators as they squash scandals both large and small, all while having sexy liaisons with a variety of politicians, soldiers, and terrorists (cyber, destructive, and emotional). In Season 2, we all had the opportunity to meet Olivia's mysterious father, which meant that Season 3 introduced Mama Pope, the supposedly dead matriarch of the Pope clan. And not only is she alive, but she's also a crazy, dead-eyed terrorist. So, obviously, I thought of my other favorite series where someone's mother turns out to be a crazy, dead-eyed terrorist: Alias. Over five seasons, Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) had to take down a never-ending cavalcade of money-and-power-hungry terrorists and thugs, but there was nothing more difficult for her to deal with than her parents, two super-powerful, morally ambiguous super spies with both love and heartache to give in spades. She's Olivia Pope but with amazing wigs. Or, rather, Olivia Pope is turning into Sydney Bristow but with a more enviable wardrobe and wine collection. So, let's take a look at the many ways Sydney and Olivia are totally sisters from another mister, including a look at their signature looks, family travails, and bangs:

Character	OLIVIA POPE	SYDNEY BRISTOW
Played by	Kerry Washington	Jennifer Garner
Series	Scandal	Alias
Number of Seasons	Almost 3 (So Far)	5!
Profession	Secret Fixer/Handler	Secret Agent
Government Affiliation?	Executive Branch	CIA
Main Female Enemy/Enemies	Herself, Mellie Grant, Her Mother	Lauren Reed, Anna Espinosa, Her Mother
Main Male Enemy/Enemies	Cyrus Beane, President Grant, Her Father	Arvin Sloane, Julian Sark, Her Father (emotionally)
Good at  Compartmentalizing?	Pretty Good, but Prone to Emotional Outbursts in Times of Distress.	Great, but Prone to Emotional Outbursts in Times of Distress, Usually around Arvin Sloane.
The real-life pregnancy of actress was...	hidden with handbags, coats, and peplums.	written into the show/
Occasionally Rocks  some Sweet Bangs?	Heavy Bangs in Flashback, Side-Swoop Occasionally	Bang-a-Palooza in Seasons 3 and 4
Stern Father that's Secretly Super Powerful?	Yep	Yep
and he pretends  to be a(n)...	Smithsonian Curator	Airplane Parts Supplier
but really he's...	the former head of a shadow, pseud-gov't organization (B-613).	an ex-CIA Agent, then a part of a shadow terrorist cell (SD-6), then a super spy.
Long-Dead Mother Secretly Alive?	Yep	Yep
Everyone knew her as...	Maya Lewis (Mama Pope)	Laura Bristow
but really her name is...	Marie Wallace	Irina Derevko
and she's clearly...	a super-skilled terrorist.	a super-skilled terrorist.
So, Mother Issues?	Oh yeah.	Understatement of the century.
Susceptible to Crying  Jags that Don't Undercut  but Rather Reinforce Her Femininity and Power?	Yeah, but usually in private.	I mean, that's a loaded question, but yes
What Makes Her Cry?	The President, Her Family, Helplessness	Arvin Sloane, Her Family, Helplessness
Alcohol of Choice?	Red Wine	Tequila
Snack of Choice?	Popcorn	Ice Cream, but don't give any coffee ice cream to Francie.
Strange Sartorial Choice in the Home:	All-White, Diaphanous Loungewear	Comfy Sweaters, Turtlenecks. and Sleeveless Turtlenecks
Strange Sartorial Choice in the Office:	Indoor Winter Coats	Wigs! Burkas! Overly Complex and Revealing Costumes!
Love Triangle?	Prez Fitzgerald Grant /Jake Ballard	Michael Vaughn/Will Tippin
Trying to Do Good?	Mmmhmm	Oh, yeah. Big Time

Maybe they're not twins, but they are two incredibly strong female character who are allowed to have faults without compromising their strength, who both gain and lose power through the influence (both direct and tangential) of their parents. And, until the conclusion of this story arc, it'll be difficult to know just how similar Olivia really is to Sydney. Still, as soon as Mama Pope helps deliver Olivia's baby in a closed bank while being held at gunpoint, though, I'll be the one triumphantly shouting "TWINSSSS" out my window. Listen for the whispers.

I can't even tell them apart anymore.
#TrueDetectiveSeason2

Quick Reviews: Best Picture Nominees, Part 1 of 3

Get Your Punch Cards Ready

The Academy Awards are just around the corner, and it’s time to look at the nine films vying for the Best Picture Oscar. Surprisingly, we've only reviewed one of the nine films gunning for the top spot, so we thought it would be a good idea to review all of 'em as fast as possible. Last year we reviewed ten films in one post in an attempt to see which films were Oscar contenders, and this year we're bringing you the reviews in three, easy-to-digest segments. So, we're going to be brief, but not 'last year' brief.

Since it is Valentine's Day, let’s start with the three films that deal most exclusively with love: