My Cousins Review 'Oz the Great and Powerful'

Oz the Great and Powerful

I really couldn't think of anything to say about Sam Raimi's Oz the Great and Powerful. Even after seeing it twice, I just feel kind of 'meh' about the whole thing. I think that the film had beautiful parts, that James Franco was inconsistently interesting, that the Tim-Burton-Alice-in-Wonderland aesthetic felt overplayed, and that Michelle Williams was lovely, but I couldn't figure out how to bring those ideas into a cohesive review. So, I enlisted my cousins (Ages 12 and 10, respectively) to review the film for me.  They are, as always, better at this than I am (MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW):

Hit Or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 4!

Watching tons of movies is so difficult! It’s, like, who has the time these days?!  And, even if you have the time, who has the money, especially with the tickets and the popcorn and the toll roads and the finder’s fees and the bridge troll tolls? It’s like, URGH!!!  (coincidentally, that the sound a toll-troll makes if he doesn't collect enough tolls)

Well, Tableau Your Mind (with some help from guest Blogger Funton Abbey) have watched a ton of movies for you, and we’re here to provide pointed critiques and ask a simple question: should people HIT the theater and see this movie, or is it more of a MISS?

Magic Mike

Strippin' Ain't Easy

The Story: Steven Soderbergh directs this film about a 30-ish stripper Mike (Channing Tatum), who has a great life, but he doesn’t have love (from Cody Horn or Olivia Munn), and he can’t get a bank loan to pursue his dreams. Will he turn out like his aging, charismatic
boss (Matthew McConaughey) or can he escape his life of easy money, attractive women, and hip-hop stripping?

Pros: There are great performances from Tatum and McConaughey (Olivia Munn is pretty good, too), the first half is breezy and fun, there are genitalia for all audiences (a few out-of-focus penises and a few pairs of boobs - everybody wins), the stripping scenes are well choreographed and cheesy, and everyone seems to be having a good time. Also, Alcide from True Blood and Neal Caffrey from White Collar are in it and strip a few times.

Cons: The second half of the movie gets mired in a story about the dangers of drug abuse and selling drugs, Magic Mike’s problems mostly seem kind of stupid, Cody Horn (as the love interest) is possibly the worst actress we’ve ever seen, and the color palate is stereotypically yellow and washed out, which is Filmmaking 101 for shooting a film in Florida but which makes everyone look a bit pancake-faced.

Consensus: Channing Tatum is turning out really solid performances lately, and this is no exception. It’s a shame that most of his scenes are with Horn, who can’t act herself out of a paper bag, and Alex Pettyfer, who is mostly just boring. Even his tattoos lack inspiration. The story is mostly fun, and the film is directed really interestingly (a lot of scenes cut out a second before you think they should, which puts you on edge). All-in-all, it’s solid but also kind of forgettable.

Hit or Miss: Hit, but you can probably leave after the first hour or so, when things start to get REAL.

Your Sister’s Sister

The Story: Jack’s (Mark Duplass) brother Tom is dead. Before he died, Tom dated Iris (Emily Blunt), Jack’s best friend. Iris loves Jack. Jack loves Iris (but hasn't figured it out yet). Jack sleeps with Iris’s lesbian sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt) while staying at Iris’s family cabin. Iris arrives, and complications ensue.

Pros: As you might be able to tell from the synopsis, this is one of the more backstory-heavy films in existence. Mostly, the relationships feel real, which is due in no small part to the stellar acting from the three leads. They sell a lot of material that is pretty ridiculous. When the characters are talking and interacting, the film is golden.

Cons: The last third of this film is insufferable, especially because there is an 10-minute montage where nobody says anything to anybody and it’s really frakking weird. We don’t want to spoil anything for anyone, but things get really out-of-control plot-wise near the end, and the film’s attempts to tie everything up in a neat bow and a group hug rings false. It’s also a little too twee and cutesy for the subject matter.

Consensus: Good performances build a lot of goodwill, and that is seriously tested as audiences are treated to several minutes of people pitching and un-pitching tents and sleeping and walking. The last bit of this film is located firmly between Dullsville, Lazytown, and Implausible Cove.

Hit or Miss: Miss. Honestly, you can probably skip this one. It will be on Netflix Instant Watch within a year.

Ted

Ted: he's high-larious

The Story: A wisecracking, sentient bear (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) and his wisecracking friend with bad hair (Mark Wahlberg) have to learn to grow up or else the bad hair guy might lose the love of his life (Mila Kunis) who is way more attractive, young, and responsible than he is.

 Pros: It’s funny. There are a lot of laugh-out-loud moments and some solid jokes about Flash Gordon. The bear (the titular Ted) is a funny concept that is explored well. There are two great scenes: one involving sh*t and the other Norah Jones. Also, Ryan Reynolds shows up for no reason and it’s awesome.

Cons: The film relies on the same humor that Seth MacFarlane peddles in his television shows, and we can watch those for free. It’s mildly offensive and not funny enough to make up for the offensiveness. Also, Mark Wahlberg has no right to be playing a 35-year-old stoner/slacker. He's super jacked and is and looks 41 years old. 35-year-old stoner/slackers are rarely as ripped as him and they are certainly not 41. He’s also not that funny. Plot-wise, things hold together as long as everyone is having a good time, but, when it tries to be honest emotionally, it feels false and stupid.

Consensus: The film can be funny and is mostly harmless, but this style of humor is done better in other movies and in MacFarlane’s own shows. The novelty of a talking bear wears off quickly, and the constant sex jokes smack of desperation.

Hit or Miss: Miss. Rent it later or something.

Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews!

Let's just get down to it. There are a lot of actually pretty decent movies out right now, and we here at Tableau Your Mind want to take you through our viewing catalog and let you know what you can miss and what movies should instantly make you want to hit up a movie theater. It's called Hit or Miss, and here we go:

Captain America doesn't like 'bullies'

Captain America: The First Avenger

Synopsis: The plot is mostly incidental, but basically Steve Rogers is a wimpy kid with a big heart and a lot of moxie who, when injected with a super serum, becomes the super buff Chris Evans Captain America. He then has to fight another super soldier, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), who is also a mad scientist who stole a blue glowing cube (the Tesseract) from a dying Illuminati or something and is now using it to create super advance weapons. Also,

[Spoiler Alert] Best Picture Nominees #2: Black Swan

Of the films up for Best Picture, none is quite as whackadoodle as Black Swan. Though it starts off slow, it quickly builds to a frantic pace and doesn't let go until the final moments, the screen brightening to absolute white. Warning: Some language ahead NSFW

"You need to let go, Nina!  Be more like Lily and masturbate!
You can never be Black Swan unless you let go"

Like all the best picture nominees this year, the cast is pretty outstanding. Mila Kunis,