My Judi Takes The Morning Train

Part of the fun of living in New York is celebrity-spotting. Though it is no Los Angeles when it comes to the ratio of Celebrities to Normals, New York does provide residents with a higher incidence of accidental run-ins: Jason Sudeikis eating behind you at a restaurant, Steve Buscemi passing you on the street after you just finished talking about The Big Lebowski, Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal f*cking everywhere in Brooklyn back when they were dating. It's like constantly living in a magazine's Stars: They're Just Like Us section. 

Of course, that also means that you don't question it when you see a celebrity in a weird location. Of course Bebe Neuwirth is at the same crappy bodega in midtown as you are. Of course Ira Glass's dog is crapping on your stoop. So, when I got on the N train one morning and spotted my favorite celebrity, Dame Judi Dench, staring right at me, I didn't think twice about it. And sure, she was in a wig, and probably trying to keep a low-pro, but is it such a crime to casually take out a phone and snapped a quick pic of one of the greatest actors of our time? I think not! Of course, once I got to work and was fully awoken by my second cup of coffee, I realized that the picture I had taken was not of the star of Skyfall, but rather of a mean-looking old lady:

Still, I wasn't disappointed. Fake celebrity sightings just make it that much more exciting when you see an actual celebrity. Like when I sat next to Meg Ryan and Patti F*cking LuPone in Joe's Pub, or when I saw Rider Strong at a Ben & Jerry's. Plus, the Faux-di Dench (Clone-di Dench?) on the train was basically a doppelgänger for the Oscar winner. But, you know, Asian.

Liz Lemon's Relationships: A List [30 Rock]

Liz Lemon and her Many Men

Over the past seven seasons of 30 Rock, we've watched as Liz Lemon has worked to have it all: the perfect job, a great apartment, a plant/baby, and a man to share all of those things. And we have also watched as she has failed to get any of the things she wanted (baby steps, Liz). Then, beginning in Season 6, things started to line up for old Liz Lemon. She began renovations on her apartment, she started talking about babies, and she found someone that accepted all of her crazy. That man was Criss Chros, and tonight she’s going to make an honest man out of him and put a ring on it.

We don't know if this road will end in happiness or in failure (we assume a mixture of both), but we do know that the long journey to the altar/courthouse has included its fair share of romantic roadblocks for Elizabeth Miervaldis Lemon. So, on her very special day (which, per the save the date, should not be looked at ‘in a creepy way that perpetuates the idea that brides are virgins and women are property), we looked back at the many men in Liz's storied romantic past. And we ranked them, because assigning value to things is fun. Also, we didn't include Jack Donaghy, because, although they were married for a very short period of time, we wouldn't consider what they had romantic. It was no Meat Lovers Pizza. Now, on to the list:

Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews!

Let's just get down to it. There are a lot of actually pretty decent movies out right now, and we here at Tableau Your Mind want to take you through our viewing catalog and let you know what you can miss and what movies should instantly make you want to hit up a movie theater. It's called Hit or Miss, and here we go:

Captain America doesn't like 'bullies'

Captain America: The First Avenger

Synopsis: The plot is mostly incidental, but basically Steve Rogers is a wimpy kid with a big heart and a lot of moxie who, when injected with a super serum, becomes the super buff Chris Evans Captain America. He then has to fight another super soldier, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), who is also a mad scientist who stole a blue glowing cube (the Tesseract) from a dying Illuminati or something and is now using it to create super advance weapons. Also,