Feb 27, 2015

Good News, Everybody! Llama With A Blue/Gold Dress On

 Some days, the internet gifts you with two amazing things in a single day. Such was the case yesterday, when everyone collectively lost their sh*t over a couple of llamas running free and a dress that was either Blue & Black or White & Gold. Yeah, we're over 50 years past the first man walking on the moon, and now we're just amazed by optical illusions and escaped zoo animals.

Which is not a slam. I love llamas more than any one person should, and I also love infuriating vision tests! Plus, the world, in general, kind of sucks right now. So, as my friend ConStar24 so eloquently put it on Twitter:

Here's to the wacky days! Here's to February 26! And the dress is apparently black and blue, even though I still can't really see it.

Feb 25, 2015

85+ Things I'll Miss About 'Parks and Recreation'

Click on this -- it gets a lot bigger!
It's hard to put into words how much I love Parks and Recreation. Right now, mere hours after the series finale, I'm having a hard time emotionally preparing for a world without it. For seven years, the residents of Pawnee, Indiana have brought happiness and laughter into my home and homes around the world.  Not a ton of homes, but a solid number. Like, consistently in the millions.

While the last season of Parks (and the finale) wasn't always the funniest television, it did work to send the characters we love off in style, showcasing the many strengths of the show. And since I can't seem to form my love of the show into complete sentences, I'm just going to list a bunch of things that I will miss about Parks and Recreation:

Feb 20, 2015

2015 Best Picture Nominees, Part 3 [Potpourri]

Before the Oscars delight and frustrate us this Sunday, it's time to look at the last two movies up for Best Picture. Since these movies don't have anything in common (besides generic crap like 'growing up', 'falling in love', and 'becoming a man'), let's just call this the Potpourri category. Before you read these, be sure to check out the reviews of the other six nominees HERE and HERE.

Now, on to Boyhood and The Grand Budapest Hotel:

Feb 18, 2015

2015 Best Picture Nominees, Part 2 [The Biopic]

For the second in my three-part look at the films up for Best Picture at this year's Oscars, I'm looking at the three films who most cleanly fall into the Biographical Picture category, or 'biopic.' Plus, unlike the first three films I reviewed, I actually think all of these three films deserve to be nominated.  But, I also included some snubbed films at the end, because no system is perfect:

Feb 12, 2015

2015 Best Picture Nominees, Part 1 [Crazy White Men]

It's time again to look at the top films vying for the title of Best Picture at this year's Academy Awards. Like most years, the nominees are frighteningly white and maddeningly mediocre, but there are a few gems that have slipped into the running. Plus, no turd is without its merits.
So, I'm going to review the films up for the top prize, but I'm also going to look at some of the other movies that didn't quite make it.

First, let's turn our attention to the three nominated films that feature supremely angry, emotionally unstable white men:

Feb 5, 2015

1st Celebrity Crush: Cecille from Sesame Street

In preparation for Valentine's Day, I'm looking back at all my past loves. And my earliest crush, besides the many times I fell in love with food, was with Cecille, the anthropomorphic ball who sang songs to me on Sesame Street.

Those curves! That voice! Those lips!
5-year-old Tableau was all about Cecille.

 I mean, her theme song alone is enough to drive anyone mad with love and desire:

Feb 3, 2015

365 Days, 365 Movies: January

Hello, Everyone!

Sorry for my protracted absence. Nobody is more upset than I am -- I missed this blog's anniversary! Since I wasn't writing, I spent the month of January basically in a state of hermitage, shunning the real world in favor of film and television at home and in theaters. Also, I was preparing for my exciting gig as one of the sad sharks in Katy Perry's halftime show at the Super Bowl. No bigs.

Anyway, my big New Year's Resolutions this year were to watch at least 365 movies over the course of the calendar year and to write down all the movies, TV shows, podcasts, music, etc that I enjoyed (to varying degrees). For the 365 movies, I didn't put many restrictions on what I could watch (TV movies count! I can occasionally watch a movie I've seen before! It doesn't have to be a movie a day), so I'm interested to see how the year shapes up. Anyway, here's my January:
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