Trailer Dump: 2015 Sequel Edition

Sometimes my brain is tired, and I need to unwind with a good movie trailer. There's nothing like a 2-minute dose of movie wonder to jog me out of a funk. The spectacle! The CGI! The voice over work! The soaring score! The over-explaining of plot to the point that it ruins the movie! Thankfully, in the past few weeks, we have seen the releases of exciting trailers for movies that plenty of people are waiting to see, myself included. 2015, like 2014 before it, will be another year full of sequels, prequels, and reboots of some of the largest film franchises of all time. In an era increasingly defined by unearned nostalgia and Buzzfeed listicles, next year will possibly be the apex of our growing need to mix the new with the familiar. Let's take a look at what the new year has to offer, and judge harshly and preemptively:

Olivia Pope is definitely Sydney Bristow [Scandal/Alias]

Scandal and Alias spoilers are in this post. 

Do not read if you are more than a few weeks behind in Scandal!

Whatever the problem, Olivia handles it.

Scandal is obviously the water-cooler television show of the moment. Everybody's talking about it. Open up your window right now – you will hear faint whispers in the wind:
  ...what's the deal with quinn...
                 ...i can't believe olivia allows fitz to eat her face like that...
                                             ...mellie is the best....
The show is poppy, it's fresh, and it finds surprisingly interesting ways to introduce plot twists without feeling tired or try-hard. Plus, it's hella fun.

In case you don't watch the show but are still reading this article, the series follows Olivia Pope and her merry band of Gladiators as they squash scandals both large and small, all while having sexy liaisons with a variety of politicians, soldiers, and terrorists (cyber, destructive, and emotional). In Season 2, we all had the opportunity to meet Olivia's mysterious father, which meant that Season 3 introduced Mama Pope, the supposedly dead matriarch of the Pope clan. And not only is she alive, but she's also a crazy, dead-eyed terrorist. So, obviously, I thought of my other favorite series where someone's mother turns out to be a crazy, dead-eyed terrorist: Alias. Over five seasons, Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) had to take down a never-ending cavalcade of money-and-power-hungry terrorists and thugs, but there was nothing more difficult for her to deal with than her parents, two super-powerful, morally ambiguous super spies with both love and heartache to give in spades. She's Olivia Pope but with amazing wigs. Or, rather, Olivia Pope is turning into Sydney Bristow but with a more enviable wardrobe and wine collection. So, let's take a look at the many ways Sydney and Olivia are totally sisters from another mister, including a look at their signature looks, family travails, and bangs:

Character	OLIVIA POPE	SYDNEY BRISTOW
Played by	Kerry Washington	Jennifer Garner
Series	Scandal	Alias
Number of Seasons	Almost 3 (So Far)	5!
Profession	Secret Fixer/Handler	Secret Agent
Government Affiliation?	Executive Branch	CIA
Main Female Enemy/Enemies	Herself, Mellie Grant, Her Mother	Lauren Reed, Anna Espinosa, Her Mother
Main Male Enemy/Enemies	Cyrus Beane, President Grant, Her Father	Arvin Sloane, Julian Sark, Her Father (emotionally)
Good at  Compartmentalizing?	Pretty Good, but Prone to Emotional Outbursts in Times of Distress.	Great, but Prone to Emotional Outbursts in Times of Distress, Usually around Arvin Sloane.
The real-life pregnancy of actress was...	hidden with handbags, coats, and peplums.	written into the show/
Occasionally Rocks  some Sweet Bangs?	Heavy Bangs in Flashback, Side-Swoop Occasionally	Bang-a-Palooza in Seasons 3 and 4
Stern Father that's Secretly Super Powerful?	Yep	Yep
and he pretends  to be a(n)...	Smithsonian Curator	Airplane Parts Supplier
but really he's...	the former head of a shadow, pseud-gov't organization (B-613).	an ex-CIA Agent, then a part of a shadow terrorist cell (SD-6), then a super spy.
Long-Dead Mother Secretly Alive?	Yep	Yep
Everyone knew her as...	Maya Lewis (Mama Pope)	Laura Bristow
but really her name is...	Marie Wallace	Irina Derevko
and she's clearly...	a super-skilled terrorist.	a super-skilled terrorist.
So, Mother Issues?	Oh yeah.	Understatement of the century.
Susceptible to Crying  Jags that Don't Undercut  but Rather Reinforce Her Femininity and Power?	Yeah, but usually in private.	I mean, that's a loaded question, but yes
What Makes Her Cry?	The President, Her Family, Helplessness	Arvin Sloane, Her Family, Helplessness
Alcohol of Choice?	Red Wine	Tequila
Snack of Choice?	Popcorn	Ice Cream, but don't give any coffee ice cream to Francie.
Strange Sartorial Choice in the Home:	All-White, Diaphanous Loungewear	Comfy Sweaters, Turtlenecks. and Sleeveless Turtlenecks
Strange Sartorial Choice in the Office:	Indoor Winter Coats	Wigs! Burkas! Overly Complex and Revealing Costumes!
Love Triangle?	Prez Fitzgerald Grant /Jake Ballard	Michael Vaughn/Will Tippin
Trying to Do Good?	Mmmhmm	Oh, yeah. Big Time

Maybe they're not twins, but they are two incredibly strong female character who are allowed to have faults without compromising their strength, who both gain and lose power through the influence (both direct and tangential) of their parents. And, until the conclusion of this story arc, it'll be difficult to know just how similar Olivia really is to Sydney. Still, as soon as Mama Pope helps deliver Olivia's baby in a closed bank while being held at gunpoint, though, I'll be the one triumphantly shouting "TWINSSSS" out my window. Listen for the whispers.

I can't even tell them apart anymore.
#TrueDetectiveSeason2

Tableau Your Mind Turns 3! [Happy Birthday]

As of today, this blog is officially three years old! I started it way back in January 2011 - I had been thinking about starting a blog for a lot longer, but I couldn't actually make the first step. Then, one day, a friend sat me down and told me that I was driving her crazy with incessant conversations about movies and TV shows. If I wrote my thoughts down, she reasoned, she could just read them. Then, there would be no more growing resentment as I waxed poetic about things like the similarities between Ally McBeal and Alias (when she was trying to talk about politics or something). She gave me the push I needed to start Tableau Your Mind, a blog with a name that doesn't really make sense and a fairly unclear focus in terms of subject matter.

And it has been great. Writing these posts (and drawing pictures) has truly been a wonderful

Quick Reviews: Best Picture Nominees, Part 1 of 3

Get Your Punch Cards Ready

The Academy Awards are just around the corner, and it’s time to look at the nine films vying for the Best Picture Oscar. Surprisingly, we've only reviewed one of the nine films gunning for the top spot, so we thought it would be a good idea to review all of 'em as fast as possible. Last year we reviewed ten films in one post in an attempt to see which films were Oscar contenders, and this year we're bringing you the reviews in three, easy-to-digest segments. So, we're going to be brief, but not 'last year' brief.

Since it is Valentine's Day, let’s start with the three films that deal most exclusively with love:

Alias on 30 Rock [30 Rock]

Liz Lemon's Intensity Would
Probably Scare Sydney Bristow

Lately, I have been very much obsessed with both 30 Rock and Alias. At Tableau your mind, we have been writing a lot about 30 Rock because the series finale is airing this Thursday, and we've been thinking about Alias because the stars of the show have been everywhere this awards season. Alias also recently became available on Netflix Instant, which means my Facebook mini-feed is full of people discovering the show for the first time.  It got me thinking about how much the two shows relate to one another (and it's not just because both Sydney Bristow and Liz Lemon subvert Rikke Schubart's ideals of the female action hero as Mother, Daughter, Rape-Avenger, and Dominatrix, amirite?). While 30 Rock has certainly spent more time referencing LOST, the writers/casting agents do show a certain affinity for Alias.

In honor of both shows, I would like to highlight some of the few 30 Rock moments that took me right back to my favorite times with super-spy Sydney Bristow:

30 Rock's Final Week

We're currently four days away from the end of 30 Rock. The one-hour finale will air, we will cry, and then it will be over. Unlike other great comedies like Seinfeld, Cheers, or even older comedies like The Dick Van Dyke Show or The Mary Tyler Moore Show (we've got a whole Mary Tyler Moore obsession over here), it's not clear yet what the impact of 30 Rock will be. If anything, it seems like networks are hauling butt in the opposite direction, choosing to develop shows with easily digestible comedy and empty jokes with no relevance to the characters or their motivations. Despite a lot of wonderful comedies on the air right now, it seems like 'smart' comedy is quickly falling away. This season will mark the end of 30 Rock, but also the end of The Office and the possible end of countless others (Don't Trust the B, Happy Endings, Ben and Kate, etc.). More than any other show, though, 30 Rock feels and has always felt like a show created for us: for TV nerds that missed countless sporting events, mitzvahs (both bar and bat), holiday celebrations, and community events so that we could spend more time with our beloved TV boxes, who were always there with a new episode of Pete and Pete or a re-run of Alias just when we needed it. For people that count television among their loved ones and cried during the Friends finale, not because it was really that great an episode, but because it was the end of an era, dammit!

Is this the time to wallow in our suffering, crying "LIZ LEMON!" to the heavens and a vengeful god? Perhaps, but it's also a time for reflection, for soaking in the joy that the show brought us. Regardless of the strength of 30 Rock's final episode this Thursday, there's no denying the brilliant seven seasons that have come before it, nor the momentous final season that we have seen, gifted to us by Tina Fey, Robert Carlock, and all the other amazing people behind and in front of the camera.  We've followed Liz from the lettuce-hating creator of The Girlie Show to the woman that she is now: slightly more put-together, married with two children, still a hater of all things green and leafy, and the showrunner of the (just cancelled) TGS with Tracy Jordan. We've watched Jack wrestle with the contradictory nature of his conservative values and those of the hippie, 'feminista' employee that he loves so much. We've watched Liz and Jack Donaghy's relationship grow from antagonistic to friendly to pseudo-sexual to way-too-enmeshed to whatever they are now. We've seen Jenna go from a fame-loving nincompoop to a brilliant psychopath, hellbent on being famous no matter what the cost. We've been confused as Tracy Jordan does whatever it is Tracy Jordan does (WWTJD? IDK). We've enjoyed Kenneth as he used kindness to be continually fired and demoted, until he finally got the Head of Television for President of NBC title that was his all along (he loves TV so, so much). We've been simultaneously creeped out and overjoyed by the antics of Pete, Toofer, Frank, and Lutz, and we've stared too long at Cerie when we were supposed to be watching something else in the scene. We've cried with Jonathan, we've laughed with Colleen, and we've been shamed repeatedly by Jack's ex-wife Avery. We've even fantasized about astronaut Mike Dexter and considered settling with Wesley Snipes.

Now, more than ever, it's time to look back at the brilliance. We've spent many Thursdays enjoying 30 Rock, and we've spent the last few Thursdays looking at our favorite moments from the show. This week on Tableau Your Mind will be no different. We'll be checking in with old flames, favorite episodes, and missed moments. We'll be looking at Jack's relationships, 30 Rock's indelible mark on product placement, and so much more. Unless we're too busy crying - then we'll just be posting YouTube videos.

Victor Garber Confirms That He/Everyone is Gay

Victor Garber is so
embarrassed for you right now.
(image source)

Were you upset while watching The Golden Globes that not enough people casually came out?  And not in the way of casually coming out where some cool girl wears Chuck Taylors to her debutante ball and the whole garden club is scandalized. No, the coming out where someone is gay and always has been and it's embarrassing that you didn't know already.

Well, don't be upset any more. After Jodie Foster's confusing, rambling, and melancholic quasi-coming out speech at the Golden Globes, Victor Garber casually came out by finding it ridiculous that you didn't already know.

You didn't know that Victor Garber, the coolest man in the world and Sydney Bristow's dad, was gay? That's adorable. Sit down, we have to tell you some things about Santa Claus and Sylar from Heroes. They're both gay too. It's so cute that you didn't know that.

So, in conclusion, Victor Garber is gay, you should have already known, and it's incredibly attractive when you don't know something and your face makes that little confused puppy expression. This is just like that time we tried to explain K-Pop to you.

2013 Golden Globes Wrap-Up

Well, the Golden Globes happened, and it was about as unruly and bonkers as a controlled night of self-flattery can be. Hayden Panettiere showed up and looked old, Daniel Day Lewis won and also did the E.T. finger, Anne Hathaway thanked someone for ‘the best string of yesterdays’ she has ever had, and Dog President stars Darcy St. Fudge and Damian Francisco were robbed. Tableau Your Mind is currently in India, so we enlisted the help of guest blogger Bro-sie the Riveter, who is in Seattle, so that we can represent the most easterly and westerly people watching the Golden Globes:

Channing Tatum is People's Sexiest Man Alive

The people of People have spoken! With all of the other sexy men dead by his hands, Channing Tatum claims the title of sexiest living human male.

We have little-to-no opinion about this, except to say that we really enjoyed his work in 21 Jump Street and that People magazine seems to be going for 'relatable' lately when they pick the winners. Bradley Cooper, last year's victor, is a nice fellow, sure, and we loved him in Alias, but by his own admission he probably wasn't the sexiest man alive. Now that we have mourned his death and crowned 'everyman' Channing Tatum the sexiest man alive, who will be next? Al from Home Improvement? DJ Jazzy Jeff? Your guess is as good as ours.

Still, congratulations Chan! Tonight we drink the blood of your slaughtered foes in honor of you.

Huzzah!

Check out some Channing articles on Tableau Your Mind HERE, and add your pics for Sexiest Man ALIVE (Sorry, Bertolt Brecht) in the comments below!

2011 in Review: Part 2

Welcome Back to Part 2 of Tableau Your Mind’s look back at 2011. Be sure to check out Part 1 of our coverage HERE, and feel free to disagree with anything we write. You’ll be wrong, but sometimes it’s just nice to disagree. Like the other day, when one of our guest bloggers had a disagreement with some lutefisk that he had just eaten. Anyway, on to the recap!

TV: The Best (And Worst) Mothers Around

 I've been watching early seasons of Grey's Anatomy and Mad Men lately, and it's shocking to see the parade of bad mothers marching through television. In many ways, a damaged, not-great mother makes for better television - more room for awkwardness, more room for drama. Still, on Mother's Day, I think it's also good to look at the positive maternal influences that have populated the airwaves for decades, beaming into our homes and influencing our lives. Who are the 10 best and some of the worst mothers in television? Well, check after the jump for my (somewhat biased) opinions.