Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 9: Procrastinator Edition

Hello there, dear readers. I haven't written a legit blog post in almost two months, and the ratio of movies I've seen vs. movies I've reviews has gotten impressively large. The main reason behind that is that I was a producer on a television series for most of April and May, which meant most of my free time was spent thinking about one specific TV show rather than writing about a myriad TV shows and movies.  To rectify that, I present condensed reviews of many of the recent releases I've imbibed. Should you HIT the theater to watch them, or maybe MISS them entirely. The only way to know is to read on!!

Age of Adaline

Starring: Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman, Ellen Burstyn, and Harrison Ford

Time goes by so slowly
for those who wait.

The Story: After a car crash and a freak electrocution, Adaline (Lively) is dismayed to find out that she can't age.  Afraid of what the government might do to her if they find out, she continually changes her identity and runs away from any kind of attachment. Her only confidant is her daughter (Ellen Burstyn), who Adaline must watch age while she stays the same.

Pros: It's an interesting story, and it's well-acted. Blake Lively convincingly portrays a 100+ year-old in a 20-something body.

Cons: The narration is clunky and unnecessary, and the film's attempts to scientifically explain Adaline's condition only makes her condition seem even more ludicrous. And, despite glimpses of her past, the story stays mostly in the present, which deprives the audience of seeing Adaline as she makes her way through life in the 1900s. Instead, we watch a tepid love story between two very attractive people, one of whom has a secret. Oooooo.

Consensus: This movie is totally worth a $1 rental in Redbox, and it's not a bad way to spend two hours if you can't find anything good on Netflix. Still, it's totally MISS-able in theaters.

Trailer Dump: 2015 Sequel Edition

Sometimes my brain is tired, and I need to unwind with a good movie trailer. There's nothing like a 2-minute dose of movie wonder to jog me out of a funk. The spectacle! The CGI! The voice over work! The soaring score! The over-explaining of plot to the point that it ruins the movie! Thankfully, in the past few weeks, we have seen the releases of exciting trailers for movies that plenty of people are waiting to see, myself included. 2015, like 2014 before it, will be another year full of sequels, prequels, and reboots of some of the largest film franchises of all time. In an era increasingly defined by unearned nostalgia and Buzzfeed listicles, next year will possibly be the apex of our growing need to mix the new with the familiar. Let's take a look at what the new year has to offer, and judge harshly and preemptively:

'Guardians of the Galaxy' Is The Space Epic We've Been Waiting For

"When we are in our infancy, we look to the stars. We look to the sky, stretched out above us, full of mysteries unexplored, dangers untold, and thirsts unquenched. Space is the future; space is hope; space is where all the cool people are hanging out without us." -  Helen Keller

It would be an astronomical understatement to say that I really love Guardians of the Galaxy, the most recent – and buoyant – film in the Marvel franchise. Following a ragtag group of underdogs as they fight against seemingly unbeatable foes, the film is a love letter to movies about space, movies about friendship, and movies about kick-ass soundtracks.

The ragtag group in question is led by Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), a Terran (film-speak for 'from Earth) who, after his mother dies of cancer, is abducted by a race of bluish, alien thugs and grows up as a thief,  with an awesome mix tape as his only keepsake of home. He's joined by a  sassy raccoon named Rocket (Bradley Cooper), a somewhat-sentient tree named Groot (Vin Diesel), the overly-literal and revenge-bent Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista), and the genetically-modified assassin Gamora (Zoe Saldana, joining yet another space-film franchise). The plot is dense, and pretty MacGuffin-laden, but basically there's a super-bad dude named Ronan (Lee Pace, completely unrecognizable without his lustrous eyebrows) who's aided by Gamora's quasi-sister Nebula (Karen Gillan, a little out of her depth here) and an even badder dude named Thanos (who will feature heavily in many of the Marvel movies to come). Though their motivations are murky and full of backstabbing and frontstabbing, they all basically want to get their hands on a mysterious orb, which Quilly has just stolen, in order kill a bunch of people. Oh, yeah, and for a fun bit of back-story, Thanos killed Drax's family and happens to be Gamora's adoptive father. The 'Guardians' have to band together to stop Ronan, and save an entire planet of people, including a bunch of space cops holed up at the base of the Nova Corps, which is run by the stellar Glenn Close.

Now, I really liked this movie, but I'm afraid that, if I start to review it, I may never stop talking about it. So, instead, here is a list of  points worth talking about:

Blast From The Past: North Korea

North 'Vin Diesel' Korea

Editor’s Note: Guest Blogger Poticklly occasionally goes back into his old days of online journaling and posts entries that pertain to pop culture.  Given the recent death of Kim Jong-il and the possible craziness that could be going on over there in North Korea, here are Poticklly’s thoughts in regards to North Korea as it pertaines to the classic Vin Diesel film, The Pacifier, and North Korea's WMDs. Just a forewarning, the Poticklly of the past was kind of a little bitch.

I saw the new Vin Diesel movie

I went to see it with [redacted]. This movie sucked hardcore, but, sadly, I enjoyed it. It was

Film Review: Fast Five

Fast Five blew through theaters this weekend raking up over $86 Million and the honor of the highest grossing Universal release in its entire history, beating out The Lost World: Jurassic Park by about $14 Million! Millions of people came in droves to support the oft-forgotten "Booty and Tricked Out Cars" Coalition, and I was among them. Let me just say that this movie is AMAZING! It's a non-stop, ridiculous adrenaline ride that sucks you in quickly and doesn't let go until the very last frames -- even the credits sequence is fun. Of course, it is a ridiculous movie, and the acting is so bad that you almost can't look at the screen, but you also can't look away. After the jump, check out my look back the the most awesome things about Fast Five (with a few minor Spoilers from Fast 1-4)!

(Click to Enlarge -- It's Totally Worth It)