Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 10 – FEMINISM!

Terminator: Stigmata

Watching Terminator: Genisys this weekend, I was perplexed at what was on the screen. I haven't really seen the first Terminator films (I saw Terminator Salvation for HBC reasons), but Sarah Connor is supposed to be one of the strongest female characters in film history. Yet, throughout the movie, her only purpose is to be the eventual mother of John Connor. Then, from there on out, he does the heavy lifting as the leader of the war against the machines. Is she the savior or merely the vessel for the savior? Is she completely defined by her ability to give birth, or can she be the master of her own fate?

Now, this problem of predestination is something that plagues time travel movies regardless of the gender of the lead, but the plight of Sarah Connor made me think more about female representation in film more generally. Not just the number of women on screen, but also how their presence shapes the narrative.

So, for this edition of Hit or Miss, I thought it best to look at the current top-grossing, female-starring movies at the box office (not counting Mad Max: Fury Road, which I loved and already reviewed). Forthwith are my reviews of the movies, paying special attention to the ladies therein:

365 Days, 365 Movies: April

I blogged approximately zero times in the last month, partially because I was busy with work and partially because I didn't really want to. Sure, I want to get around to talking about Daredevil and Furious 7, but I also don't want to do those things. Apathy, it has taken over.

I still managed to watch a crap load of movies and television, though:

MOVIES

26 28 Films in March, 110 112 Total in 2015

(10 8 MOVIES BEHIND SCHEDULE!!!)

New Releases are Bolded:

Hit Or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 7

It's been a while since I've written anything, and I'm sorry about that. I had a sibling wedding to attend, and the week-long hangover that followed made me unable to blog. I should also mention at this point that when I say 'sibling wedding', I mean that one of my siblings got married, not that I went to a wedding wherein two siblings got married. Just want to clear that up. Anyway, even though I haven't written anything, I have been watching a ton of movies. So, I figured that the best way to jump back in the swing is to review some of them. And let's start with Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the sequel to the movie that was featured in the very first Hit or Miss almost three years ago:

Quick Reviews: 'Thor: The Dark World'

Marvel's Very Own Shakespearean Tragedy

Call me crazy, but I really liked the first Thor movie. Directed by Shakespeare's own Kenneth Branagh, the movie had a good speed, classic heroes and villain archetypes, and a fairly simple story of betrayal, family, and honor. It was like watching a play at the freaking theater, but with magic!  So I had pretty high hopes for the second film in this Marvel property, and all-in-all I wasn't too disappointed.  Thor 2: The Streets picks up some time after The Avengers, and, after a confusing prologue, once again focuses on Dr. Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and her merry band of science imbeciles. Foster is working to get over her

My Pop Culture Weekend: Nov 9-10

When I wrote my first 'My Pop Culture Weekend' back in June (!), I sort of had the idea that they would be a regular event - a way to showcase just how much I watch in a given 48 hours. However, I was so busy watching movies and television and listening to music that I kind of forgot to write about it. My bad. Obviously, the only thing that could break me out of this pattern was to have the MOST EPIC POP CULTURE WEEKEND of all time, which is what I had this weekend.

In theory I would list all the things that I watched and listened to and talk about how I feel about 'em, but there was really one event that made this past weekend so legendary. So, here's a quick list of everything else I watched/listened to:

My Cousins Review 'Iron Man 3'

Tony Stark Is Haunted By His Past

I'm a pretty lazy person by nature. I'm less of a "carpe diem" man and more of a "sit at home watching marathons of Even Stevens" man.  So, when I found out that my cousins love and were good at reviewing movies, it only made sense that I exploited that as much as possible. And when I realized that they also like drawing pictures, well, the path was clear. So, without further ado, here is my cousins' review of Iron Man 3, the latest in the Tony Stark saga. It gets a tiny bit spoilery (no major reveals, but a few minor plot details are discussed), so you may want to wait until after you watch the movie to read.

The Dark Knight Rises Makes 1 Billion Dollars

You know what's cooler than a million dollars? Apparently, it's The Dark Knight Rises, which, even without a cameo from Justin Timberlake, managed to finally cross the $1 Billion mark this Labor Day weekend. That's worldwide, people, and it's only the thirteenth movie to hold that distinction!

There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches. 

We may not be the biggest fans of the movie here at Tableau Your Mind, but we did need an excuse to post the above picture of Anne Hathaway, which we admit looks a little wonky.

In other news, The Avengers has officially made all the money. Or, at least, the approximate 2011 GDP of Belize.

Film Review: Sleepwalk With Me

"Abby, there's a Jackal in the room!"

There’s an odd phenomenon that occurs at movie theaters, usually during a movie’s opening week. At the end of the movie, apropos of nothing, people start clapping. For whom, I ask, for whom? Is it for the audience themselves, for enjoying a communal activity? Is it a congratulations to the projectionist? It always seems odd, unnecessary, and a little pompous. Well, finally, at the end of a screening of comedian Mike Birbiglia’s new film, Sleepwalk with Me, appleause actually made sense. Because Mike Birbiglia was in the

Film Review: The Amazing Spider-Man

No upside-down kissing this time around.

Nobody was asking for a Spider-Man reboot. Or, at least, very few people were clamoring for a Spider-man reboot. Two of the three Spider-man films which already exist (starring Tobey Maguire and directed by Sam Raimi) are actually pretty great films. The second film, AKA Spider-Man 2, is one of the best Marvel movies of the past few decades. Unlike the The Incredible Hulk movie that followed the unremarkable and overly artsy Hulk movie

Community: Dan Harmonless, Rudderless

Well, just as I was settling down for a relaxing weekend, ready to soak in the bath and read review after review about the craptastic Battleship, NBC had to go and refuse to renew Dan Harmon's contract, thus effectively firing him from the show he created and ruining my weekend (I was going to eat scones!). True, in some ways it makes sense to replace Harmon, who besides his very public feud with Chevy Chase, has defied network notes on a variety of instances and hasn't turned in a show that delivers ratings. Still, much like fellow television auteurs Matthew Weiner and Louis C.K., it's difficult to imagine his show continuing without him. He is intrinsically linked with every brilliantly nut-log and amazing thing that has come out of that show. Plus, he made an American Sweetheart out of Joel McHale, and

Film Review: 'The Avengers'

Go get 'em, tigers

Now that The Avengers has made like a billion dollars (not an exaggeration, my friends), we at Tableau Your Mind thought we should get off our collective asses and review the dern thing. Sure, it has been incredibly successful financially, but what is more impressive is how tight, funny, and effective this movie is.

My Cousin Reviews 'The Avengers'

Five days after seeing it in theaters, I'm still formulating my thoughts on The Avengers. However, blogs live and breathe on their ability to be timely and of the moment, and waiting to post a review is neither of those things. With that in mind, I enlisted my cousin, who is eleven and awesome, to write a review of the film and draw pictures as well. He thankfully obliged:

The Hulk destroys/eats at a restaurant

Guest Blogger -
Awesome Cousin

The Avengers was better than I expected. I went to see the movie with my cousin and my uncle. There were a lot of action-packed parts in there, and there were some funny parts, like when 

[Spoiler Alert] the Hulk punched Thor in the face and Thor went flying.

My favorite character was probably the Hulk. I liked him because I relate to him, because I get angry, like, a lot. I like that he’s strong and that his anger sometimes helps. I like that almost nothing could harm him.

I kind of like all of the characters. I even think Loki was cool, and I liked the guy that played him because he was good at playing Loki. He is a good actor, and well, yeah.

I also liked Iron Man, because he has a lot of guts. I mean, he fought Thor and almost won, and Thor is a demi-god.

I give this movie 100 out of 100 Chitauri Soldiers

Loki: Yeah, before I take over the planet and kill you guys,
I'll have a large pepperoni pizza with a huge packet of marinara sauce and garlic sauce.
Operator: What's your form of currency?
Loki: Do you take Intergalactic Space credit card?
Operator: Um, no.
Loki: Damn.

2011 in Review: Part 2

Welcome Back to Part 2 of Tableau Your Mind’s look back at 2011. Be sure to check out Part 1 of our coverage HERE, and feel free to disagree with anything we write. You’ll be wrong, but sometimes it’s just nice to disagree. Like the other day, when one of our guest bloggers had a disagreement with some lutefisk that he had just eaten. Anyway, on to the recap!

Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews!

Let's just get down to it. There are a lot of actually pretty decent movies out right now, and we here at Tableau Your Mind want to take you through our viewing catalog and let you know what you can miss and what movies should instantly make you want to hit up a movie theater. It's called Hit or Miss, and here we go:

Captain America doesn't like 'bullies'

Captain America: The First Avenger

Synopsis: The plot is mostly incidental, but basically Steve Rogers is a wimpy kid with a big heart and a lot of moxie who, when injected with a super serum, becomes the super buff Chris Evans Captain America. He then has to fight another super soldier, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), who is also a mad scientist who stole a blue glowing cube (the Tesseract) from a dying Illuminati or something and is now using it to create super advance weapons. Also,

Film Review: Thor

So, I am not going to beat around the bush. If you are one of the ten people who has not seen Thor, you need to get to a movie theater and watch it. The blockbuster, directed by Kenneth Branagh and starring Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman, is pretty much everything you want in a summer movie. It's pure, cheesy fun!

By the Hammer of Thor, these people are attractive!

The film stars Hemsworth as the titular Thor, an angry and boastful heir to the throne who is cast out of Asgard and stripped of his title after disobeying his father's explicit orders (Anthony Hopkins could not be more clear!). He's cast down to Earth, where young and sexy