Hello once again.
The Story (Or, rather, the story within the story within the story): Gustave H. (Ralph Fiennes) is a concierge at a super swanky hotel. When he is framed for the murder of one of the hotel's ultra-rich clients (Tilda Swinton), it's up to a young lobby boy to clear his boss's name and break him out of jail (and effectively woo a young pastry chef played by Saoirse Ronan). Along the way, they run into a who's who of Wes Anderson mainstays, including Jeff Goldblum, Bill Murray, Edward Norton, Adrian Brody, Jason Schwartzman, and MORE!
The Story: After being beaten and left in an alley, sex addict Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) is taken in by a man named Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard) and nursed back to health. While resting, she recounts her many tales of sexual deviance in a somewhat clinical manner, and her rescuer compares said sexual encounters (some of which involve Shia LaBeouf) to fly fishing, classical music, and the Fibonacci Sequence. The film, which is part one of a two-part film, is both strikingly forward and maddeningly snooty.
Pros: Despite the film's premise and its 'we're going to show you more vaginas, penises, and butts than you've ever seen on-screen before' attitude, the movie is incredibly funny, and often that's on purpose. Stellan Skarsgard is quite funny as Seligman, a man who is gentle and unassuming but who will porbably turn out to be a monster in Vol 2. Uma Thurman is scrumtrulescent as Mrs. H, the cuckolded wife of one of Joe's paramours; I honestly wish that the movie was just about her. Also, the actress playing Young Joe, Stacy Martin, is impressive in basically her first acting role. Also, possibly a Pro, there are a number of fairly explicit sex scenes that kind of hint at the strange banality of sex while still being fairly hardcore. Still not sure how to feel about them.
Cons: The movie, and the director Lars Von Trier, tries so hard to be daring and bold, and it feels like everyone is trying to hard. It's like when a teenager smokes in front of her parents, daring them to call her on it, "I'm not your little girl anymore" practically screaming behind her eyes. But really, all those boobs and butts and dongs just feel kind of silly, and it feels less like Von Trier is trying to get at a universal truth about the human experience and more like he's trying to justify his own demons. Also, Christian Slater and LaBeouf try unsuccessfully to have some sort of accent in the movie, and both of their attempts are laughingly bad. Also, this movie is so pretentious. It's "using a bidet while Queen Elizabeth II spoon-feeds you caviar and reads the New Yorker out loud" level of pretentiousness.
The Story: Okay, I said I was going to forget about this movie for a while, but I also just realized that I never actually reviewed it. So, here we go. Veronica Mars follows a young woman (the titular Mars, played by Kristen Bell) and former private detective as she returns home to a life she left behind in order to clear her ex-boyfriend (Logan Echolls, played by Jason Dohring) of murder charges and attend her high school reunion. She's tried for 9 years to leave her old life behind her, but the past has a way of sneaking up on old Veronica Mars.
Pros: If you're a fan of the television show of the same name, then there's a good chance you will like this movie. So, let's just talk about Pros for newbies. If you're going into this movie with fresh eyes, there is still a lot to love: tortured romance, big brawls, explosions, noir-style detective shenanigans, and more. The real reason to see this movie, though, is Kristen Bell, an actress who has never found a role quite as good as the damaged youth she played for three seasons on TV. Bell, like other TV stars before her, hasn't quite found her niche in film, though she's admirably shuffled through cheesy rom-coms that Katherine Heigl would turn down and delightful indies that nobody saw. This is her big-screen chance to play a fantastic character, and she doesn't disappoint.
Cons: The movie can be hard to get into as a non-fan (here's a helpful primer for people who haven't seen the series), but even as a fan there are plot points and character notes that are difficult to swallow. The central plot moves along nicely, but so much of the story involves plot points that are never resolved, in a way that makes the movie feel like the first episode in a much-longer series. Also, there is a clunky 'addiction' metaphor laced throughout the film, and it's super heavy-handed. We get it – Veronica, like her mother, battles with an addiction, but, unlike her boozy mama, Veronica is addicted to... solving murders? Or something?
It's time to crawl out from under the Veronica Mars rock where I've been staying to look at some of the other movies that are currently out in the universe. And, since I'm blessed with an inordinate amount of free time on the weekends (take that, people with kids and/or friends), I have basically seen all the movies. Since I know that some of the readers do not have all the time to skulk around theaters, Phantom of the Opera-style, I have compiled a helpful list of movies that are worth HITting the cinema for, and movies that can be MISSed. That's right, 'tis time once again for a little Hit or Miss!
Muppets Most Wanted
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| It's not easy being green. |
The Story: Directly following the events of the first movie, the Muppets head out on a European tour. It isn't long, though, before Kermit is replaced by the villainous frog and Kermit doppelganger Constantine, the most wanted criminal in the world. While Kermit tries to escape a Russian Gulag (and becomes chummy with guard Tina Fey in the process), Constantine and his cohort Dominic Badguy (Ricky Gervais) carry out successful museum heists while hiding under the alibi of the Muppets tour. Things get complicated, songs get sung, feelings get hurt, and Miss Piggy sings a sad duet with Celine Dion. You know, totally normal Muppet stuff.
Pros: I loved the first of the new Muppets movies, but one thing that it was rightly criticized for was focusing more on the human characters than the Muppets themselves. In this sequel, it's back to Muppet Classic, with humans adding color to the movie but not driving the plot. Ty Burrell and Ricky Gervais have interesting parts, but Tina Fey is really the only important human in the movie, and she's great. Like, really great. There are some other cameos (I won't spoil anything) that also add to the fun. The music, while not quite as great as the songs in the previous movie, is undeniably catchy. The movie is also incredibly fun and goofy, and some of the large plot holes are explained away by a general positive vibe. It's a feel-good delight. Plus, in my opinion, any time spent with the Muppets is time well spent.
Cons: While the film is generally great, it's also incredibly meta. As an audience, you're never allowed to forget that this is a movie, and that none of it is real. The Muppets make mention of it consistently throughout the movie. Also, I'm a little tired of wondering whether or not Miss Piggy and Kermit are married (I've seen at least 2 weddings), which is a major plot point of the movie.
Consensus: It's funny, it's light-hearted, and it's a fun addition to the recent spat of great kid's movies (Frozen, The LEGO Movie, etc.). Also, you get to hear Tina Fey say "Good night, Danny Trejo" in a Russian accent.
Hit/Miss: HIT this movie up. it's a fun time.
The Grand Budapest Hotel
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| At The Grand Budapest, everyone is checking out. Like, they're being murdered. |
Pros: Moonrise Kingdom, Wes Anderson's movie previous to this one, also happened to be one of the best movies ever (not The Royal Tenenbaums good, but still). This movie's not quite at that level, but it is the most Wes Anderson-y movies that Wes Anderson has ever Wes Anderson-ed. That means audiences get cracker-jack pacing, blunt and direct dialogue, great actors hanging out and being great, and a beautiful and rich color palette. Also, it's good to see Ralph Fiennes being funny and with a normal-looking nose.
Cons: Again, it's the most Wes Anderson-y movie in the history of movies, and the director's twee sensibility can be a bit much at times. Also, the plot involves a lot of murder and quasi-Nazis, and sometimes it's difficult to watch your favorite actors get murdered, be murderers, and/or be kind of Nazis (in the movie, the fascist group is called The Zig-Zags). Also, something bad happens to a cat, and it's either the funniest or most frightening thing you'll ever see, depending on how you feel about cats.
Consensus: If you like Wes Anderson movies, you will like this movie. If you don't, then this movie isn't going to win you over.
Hit/Miss: Again, I really enjoyed this movie, and it's a delight, but you can probably MISS it for now and catch it on DVD.
Consensus: If you like Wes Anderson movies, you will like this movie. If you don't, then this movie isn't going to win you over.
Hit/Miss: Again, I really enjoyed this movie, and it's a delight, but you can probably MISS it for now and catch it on DVD.
Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1
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| love. |
Pros: Despite the film's premise and its 'we're going to show you more vaginas, penises, and butts than you've ever seen on-screen before' attitude, the movie is incredibly funny, and often that's on purpose. Stellan Skarsgard is quite funny as Seligman, a man who is gentle and unassuming but who will porbably turn out to be a monster in Vol 2. Uma Thurman is scrumtrulescent as Mrs. H, the cuckolded wife of one of Joe's paramours; I honestly wish that the movie was just about her. Also, the actress playing Young Joe, Stacy Martin, is impressive in basically her first acting role. Also, possibly a Pro, there are a number of fairly explicit sex scenes that kind of hint at the strange banality of sex while still being fairly hardcore. Still not sure how to feel about them.
Cons: The movie, and the director Lars Von Trier, tries so hard to be daring and bold, and it feels like everyone is trying to hard. It's like when a teenager smokes in front of her parents, daring them to call her on it, "I'm not your little girl anymore" practically screaming behind her eyes. But really, all those boobs and butts and dongs just feel kind of silly, and it feels less like Von Trier is trying to get at a universal truth about the human experience and more like he's trying to justify his own demons. Also, Christian Slater and LaBeouf try unsuccessfully to have some sort of accent in the movie, and both of their attempts are laughingly bad. Also, this movie is so pretentious. It's "using a bidet while Queen Elizabeth II spoon-feeds you caviar and reads the New Yorker out loud" level of pretentiousness.
Consensus: I'll wait until after I see Vol 2 to fully form my opinion, but right now the movie is more spectacle than substance, and I could have done without the strange PowerPoint presentation of sad wangs.
Hit/Miss: I'm going to go with MISS for right now, but maybe the second half will win me over. Also, be sure you're 100% comfortable watching this movie with other people. It can get a bit weird at points.
Hit/Miss: I'm going to go with MISS for right now, but maybe the second half will win me over. Also, be sure you're 100% comfortable watching this movie with other people. It can get a bit weird at points.
Veronica Mars
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| She's got a taser and a camera, and she's not afraid to use 'em |
Pros: If you're a fan of the television show of the same name, then there's a good chance you will like this movie. So, let's just talk about Pros for newbies. If you're going into this movie with fresh eyes, there is still a lot to love: tortured romance, big brawls, explosions, noir-style detective shenanigans, and more. The real reason to see this movie, though, is Kristen Bell, an actress who has never found a role quite as good as the damaged youth she played for three seasons on TV. Bell, like other TV stars before her, hasn't quite found her niche in film, though she's admirably shuffled through cheesy rom-coms that Katherine Heigl would turn down and delightful indies that nobody saw. This is her big-screen chance to play a fantastic character, and she doesn't disappoint.
Cons: The movie can be hard to get into as a non-fan (here's a helpful primer for people who haven't seen the series), but even as a fan there are plot points and character notes that are difficult to swallow. The central plot moves along nicely, but so much of the story involves plot points that are never resolved, in a way that makes the movie feel like the first episode in a much-longer series. Also, there is a clunky 'addiction' metaphor laced throughout the film, and it's super heavy-handed. We get it – Veronica, like her mother, battles with an addiction, but, unlike her boozy mama, Veronica is addicted to... solving murders? Or something?
Consensus: This movie is important, and I hope it does well so that other 'gone-but-not-forgotten' television series have some sort of life, be it a movie, or a comic book, or a spinoff musical. What's dead may never die.
Hit/Miss: I mean, HIT. How often do we get to see complicated female characters on screen?
Well, that's it for this edition of Hit or Miss. Go forth and watch movies. You'll be glad you did.
Hit/Miss: I mean, HIT. How often do we get to see complicated female characters on screen?
Well, that's it for this edition of Hit or Miss. Go forth and watch movies. You'll be glad you did.
