The Royal Family Named The Baby George Alexander

Which obviously made me think this:

Jerry, you gotta see the baby!

A Birth Announcement from Her Royal Highness [UPDATE]

Kate Middleton (Duchess of Cambridge) is currently in labor has just given birth, bringing forth (what may one day be) the heir to all of England. Or, the King/Queen of all Great Britain, I'm not really sure. While I'm fascinated by British royalty, I also don't understand it. I just learned last month that Canada doesn't have a demi-King that answers to the British queen. So, I wouldn't be surprised if I was really wrong and this baby is just a normal baby with attractive parents.

But that's not really the point, because, in anticipation of the birth, Tableau Your Mind has attained exclusive access to the surprisingly upbeat announcement from her royal highness, Queen Elizabeth II. It's pretty exciting:

So, welcome to the world, Baby Middleton! And don't piss off your gammy.

"Comedy Bang! Bang!" is Back on IFC Tonight!

Comedy Bang! Bang! is one of my all-time favorite podcasts, and IFC (one of my favorite channels) up and made an amazing TV show loosely based on that podcast. It's hosted by comedian/raconteur Scott Aukerman, and his band-leader is the musically/comedically gifted Reggie Watts. It's sort of a talk show, with each episode featuring a celebrity guest and a bunch of comedians and actors doing characters and seemingly having a lot of fun.  Michael Cera was murdered in one episode, though, so fun for everyone is not necessarily on the table.

Anyway, the second season begins tonight on IFC at 10/9c, with more special guests than you can shake a stick at (if you're so inclined). So, watch it! Also, if you do listen to the podcast, I made a Mona Lisa inspired GIF of the show. Because reasons.

A Special Independence Day Message From My Favorite Wizard

That seems about right.

Nemo and Darla Part II: Spider...MEN?!

A few weeks ago, my cousins and I wrote a short story titled "Nemo and Darla's Adventures in Crime: Part 1" without any indication of whether there would be a part 2. In this work of fiction, collectively written by myself and my two cousins (age 10 and 13), we followed the lives of a boy, Nemo, and his best friend, a unicorn named Darla. We each took turns writing a sentence, and slowly but surely a strange story emerged.  Well, the first installment was wildly popular, so I forced my cousins to write another chapter (just kidding, they wanted to...I swear). In continuing the series, my cousins and I attempted (ever so slightly) to tell a story with a little more pop-culture relevance, and we accidentally landed on a story about the superhero of the moment. We're talking Spider-man!

Hit Or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 5!

It's summer again, which means that there are more movies in theaters than there is time to see them. There are indie darlings, action hero blockbusters, and raucous comedies. There are even a few dramas in there to spice things up. Since you can't see all of the movies (you have a life, after all), I saw them all for you (me - no life) and can tell you which ones you should hit the theater to see and which ones can miss.

It's been almost exactly a year since I've done this form of quick-fire reviews, so pardon me if I'm a little rusty.

The Definitive "Maya Angelou" GIF

I have made something beautiful.
I finally understand what people feel like when they give birth to children.
It's beautiful, it's succinct, it's Ange-looney!

Also, this always makes me happy:

Nemo and Darla Part I: Adventures in Crime

My Cousins

Usually I stick pretty close to the pop-culture spectrum of movies, television, theater, and music. I don't delve into real-life current events or talk too much about my personal life. Today, however, I wanted to bring you something that is neither pop-culture related nor serious/real. I bring you a work of fiction, collectively written by myself and my two cousins (age 10 and 13).  We each took turns writing a sentence, and slowly but surely a strange story emerged.  Herewith is the first part in what I hope will be an ongoing series: "Nemo and Darla's Adventures in Crime: Part 1"

There once was a boy named Nemo. Nemo liked to eat broccoli and his sister's boogers. It seemed like he had nothing to live for. He always found ways to cause big trouble, as if he was really stupid. But he wasn't stupid at all, but rather a genius who had trouble communicating.

One day a crime happened in the Mississippi National Bank. Nemo wanted to stop weird people from robbing the bank, but he lived too far away. 


So instead, he sent his unicorn, Darla, to stop the robbers.

Darla shouted "Never fear, one of Nemo's servants is here, so stop it!" at the robbers. 

Nemo watched the whole thing from Darla's back, and shouted "Oh, Beezle Bazzles, they're getting away!" The robbers heard him, hit him and Darla on the head, and got away with all the money.

When Nemo woke up, he used a special device to get to the robbers and save the day. The Mayor thanked the two heroes and rewarded them with shiny medals and chimichangas. 

The End

'She's All That': M. Night Shyamalan's Hidden Twists

It was revealed yesterday that M. Night Shyamalan, writer/director of hit films like The Sixth Sense and Signs and non-hits like After Earth, The Last Airbender, Lady in the Water, etc., is also the ghost-writer of the hit 90s teen rom-com She's All That. WHOA! Apparently Shyamalan has had quite the ghost-writing career, and this might only be the first in a long list of reveals.

For the uninitiated, She's All That tells the story of Zack Siler (Freddie Prinze, Jr.), who, after getting dumped by his crazy girlfriend Taylor Vaughan, makes a bet (with his friends Dulé Hill and Paul Walker, natch) that he can turn any girl into prom queen. The girl they choose is dumpy, half-orphan Laney Boggs (Rachel Leigh Cook), who is a painter/falafel saleswoman with a spunky personality and maybe more than inner beauty hiding behind her glasses. Maybe they fall in love, maybe both learn a little bit more about themselves along the way, and maybe it all ends with a choreographed dance number, declarations of affection, and nude graduations. You know, the usual.

But what if we have been looking at She's All That the wrong way this whole time? As I watched the movie last night, knowing now that the master of twists was at the helm, I started to notice the groundwork for many secret plot points and reveals that probably had to be edited out for time (and to make the movie more palatable). Nothing is quite what it seems. So, herewith are the (completely reasonable) hidden twists in She's All That that I just figured out:

My Pop Culture Weekend: June 1-2

One thing I've been flirting with for a while is the idea of writing regular posts. It seems to be all the rage, this idea of constancy. One thing I'm going to try out is a Pop Culture Weekend, wherein I go through all the pop-culturey goodness that I experienced over the weekend. Since I spent this weekend with Guest Blogger Square Peg, I thought she should come along for the ride.

 Saturday, 2:15 pm
The Kings of Summer (film)
in which a boy and his two friends leave home to form a new life in the woods. Bonds are tested, pubescent love is thwarted, and lessons are learned.

Tableau: I thought this movie was wonderful. Really cute and quaint.

Square Peg:  It was a perfect mix of funny and serious and heart-warming

T: When I saw the teaser, I thought that the movie was going to be sort of a naturalistic