Best of 2013: A Year With Jennifer Lawrence, A Year Without Kristen Stewart

J Law: Bringing It.

Maddeningly (to me and no one else), I have yet to finish my "Best of 2013" round-up. I'm Richard MAD-den at myself. I'm Tyler Perry's A MAD-ea Christmas. I'm Mäd-chen Amick about my procrastinatory nature. So, in an effort to get this 2013 coverage rolling (and to stall a little longer), let's talk about a person who definitely won 2013. And that person is Jennifer Lawrence.

(I MADE THIS!)

Now, people in my head, before you yell at me for writing another post about a blonde lady, it was undeniably Jennifer Lawrence's year (along with fellow blonde lady Beyoncé). She starred in the highest grossing film of the year AND got some sweet accolades for her performance in American Hustle. She also dominated the public consciousness, seemingly popping up at press conferences and talk shows every few days

Things That Are Not Slavery: A Post For David O. Russell

Jennifer Lawrence: Not a Slave

In a recent interview with New York Daily News, director David O. Russell talked about Jennifer Lawrence, one of the stars of his recent movie American Hustle (and last year's Silver Linings Playbook). Speaking about her contract with The Hunger Games franchise, Russell said, "I'll tell you what it is about that girl — talk about 12 years of slavery, that's what the franchise is. And I'm going to get in so much trouble for saying that." Thankfully, the internet exploded in rage, calling out Russell for the ridiculousness of that statement. Jennifer Lawrence was, after all, paid $10 million for being in the second Hunger Games film. Even with inflation, that's $10 million more than almost all slaves were paid during the entirety of slavery in the United States COMBINED (not just the hilarious '12 years' timeline that Russell posits, which is a nod to another film possibly up for Best Picture).

Also, unlike slaves, Jennifer Lawrence is able to make films in between being shackled to her oppressors (who are, again, paying her a relative ass-ton of money to put on costumes and pretend to be someone else when it isn't her stunt double's time to pretend to be Jennifer Lawrence pretending to be someone else). Ultimately, Russell apologized for his comments, saying that it was a poor attempt at humor. Oh, humor, that nebulous region that can excuse all faux pas, a region that, with his film winning Best Comedy at the Golden Globes, Russell knows all too well.

Now, David O. Russell, I'd like to talk directly to you.

The Real Winners and Losers at the 2014 Golden Globes

Tina and Amy = The Best!

Aah, the Golden Globes: the Academy Awards' less attractive sister who has to work harder to prove her worth, the Elizabeth Bennett to the Oscars' Jane (literary references!).  And though the end result may be sweaty with effort, the Golden Globes this year really were fun,  hosted again  by the (always welcome) Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Now, many people will be wondering who won the awards during the evening, but that's not what this post is all about. No, this post is about the real winners and losers of the evening, the things and people that we'll be talking about long after Brooklyn Nine Nine is even on the air.

Poehler Vortex

And now a completely timely GIF of the recent storms hitting the United States (#PoehlerVortex). Plus, last night was the 100th episode of Parks and Recreation and Ms. Amy is also co-hosting the Golden Globes this weekend. Everything's coming up Poehler!

Tableau Your Mind Turns 3! [Happy Birthday]

As of today, this blog is officially three years old! I started it way back in January 2011 - I had been thinking about starting a blog for a lot longer, but I couldn't actually make the first step. Then, one day, a friend sat me down and told me that I was driving her crazy with incessant conversations about movies and TV shows. If I wrote my thoughts down, she reasoned, she could just read them. Then, there would be no more growing resentment as I waxed poetic about things like the similarities between Ally McBeal and Alias (when she was trying to talk about politics or something). She gave me the push I needed to start Tableau Your Mind, a blog with a name that doesn't really make sense and a fairly unclear focus in terms of subject matter.

And it has been great. Writing these posts (and drawing pictures) has truly been a wonderful

Cameron Diaz's Lush Pubic Hair [A Quiz]

At the end of last week, a section of Cameron Diaz's new book, The Body Book, was released. In the excerpt (titled "In Praise of Pubes"), Diaz extols the virtues of growing out the hair 'round one's nether-regions, somewhat demonizing laser-hair removal in the process. When looking through snippets of her ode to snippets, it was clear to me that this piece was thorough, researched, and brave, which are also three words I often use to describe the venerable actress Cate Blanchett. Indeed, with Diaz's beautiful words about downstairs lady hair, she exhibits a strength that can only be described as Blanchett-esque. And just as Cate Blanchett uses films, Cameron Diaz uses her vaginal adornments to showcase the strength of The Feminine. In the quotes below, see if you can decide: Diaz Pubic Hair quote or Cate Blanchett dialogue? In order to make the task a little more difficult, I've substituted 'give-away' words with the words 'monkey paw':

Best of 2013 Part 1: Television and Music

Oh, 2013! What an interesting grouping of days. It's a strange thing, looking back on a year, because it's hard to remember anything that happened more than a month ago. Was there music before Beyoncé's December album? Was there television before the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary special? It's difficult to say; the mind grows cloudy. Still, in an effort to fully look back at the last year, I've compiled a list of what I feel to be the top pop culture events of the last year, conveniently ranked and separated by genre. Travel with me as we, in Part 1, look back at the television and music events that made 2013 so 2013:

Merry Christmas from Tableau Your Mind

Hello All,

I hope you're enjoying the holiday season. I haven't written a post in a while, including a 2013 wrap-up. It will likely be posted early next week, or whenever I can get up the energy to write the damn thing. In the meantime, I wanted to wish you a Merry little Christmas, and a very happy Holidays.

Remember: Yeezus is the reason for the season.

Quick Reviews: 'The Hunger Games: Catching Fire'

Katniss: The Mockingjay Girl on Fire Who Freezes on Camera

When I reviewed the first Hunger Games movie last year, I called it an 'above average adaptation of a book that is extremely difficult to adapt.' Above average is pretty much the meanest thing I've ever said about a movie that stars Jennifer Lawrence, so it was a pretty

Quick Reviews: 'Thor: The Dark World'

Marvel's Very Own Shakespearean Tragedy

Call me crazy, but I really liked the first Thor movie. Directed by Shakespeare's own Kenneth Branagh, the movie had a good speed, classic heroes and villain archetypes, and a fairly simple story of betrayal, family, and honor. It was like watching a play at the freaking theater, but with magic!  So I had pretty high hopes for the second film in this Marvel property, and all-in-all I wasn't too disappointed.  Thor 2: The Streets picks up some time after The Avengers, and, after a confusing prologue, once again focuses on Dr. Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and her merry band of science imbeciles. Foster is working to get over her