The Veronica Mars Movie Is Upon Us, And It's Important

March 14th might well go down as one of the most important dates in cinematic history, and nothing major is happening. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt aren't sitting down with Oprah to discuss their (seemingly decades-spanning) divorce. George Clooney won't reveal that his whole career has been one long prank, and he's really a married father of two from Topeka. Alfred Hitchcock probably isn't coming back from the dead, ready to declare war on the blondes and homosexuals that he loves and hates so much. No, Friday, March 14th is the official premiere date for the little Kickstarter movie that could: Veronica Mars.

Now, I don't mean to be hyperbolic, but the Veronica Mars movie is a genuinely important touchstone in film and television history. Over the last decade or so, there has been a power shift in the way fans of shows are treated by the general public and by the very people and shows that they are fans of. It used to be that die-hard fans were relegated to the sticky floors of Conference Room B, desperate for a view of a C-List actor at whatever half-hearted convention was being thrown.  Filmmakers like George Lucas derided the fans' input (he has since – wisely – recanted on his earlier beliefs), and there was shame even among the fans themselves. Carefully homemade Star Trek uniforms were shoved to the back of closets, their owners frightened that anyone outside of a 'con' know of their existence (requisite

Olivia Pope is definitely Sydney Bristow [Scandal/Alias]

Scandal and Alias spoilers are in this post. 

Do not read if you are more than a few weeks behind in Scandal!

Whatever the problem, Olivia handles it.

Scandal is obviously the water-cooler television show of the moment. Everybody's talking about it. Open up your window right now – you will hear faint whispers in the wind:
  ...what's the deal with quinn...
                 ...i can't believe olivia allows fitz to eat her face like that...
                                             ...mellie is the best....
The show is poppy, it's fresh, and it finds surprisingly interesting ways to introduce plot twists without feeling tired or try-hard. Plus, it's hella fun.

In case you don't watch the show but are still reading this article, the series follows Olivia Pope and her merry band of Gladiators as they squash scandals both large and small, all while having sexy liaisons with a variety of politicians, soldiers, and terrorists (cyber, destructive, and emotional). In Season 2, we all had the opportunity to meet Olivia's mysterious father, which meant that Season 3 introduced Mama Pope, the supposedly dead matriarch of the Pope clan. And not only is she alive, but she's also a crazy, dead-eyed terrorist. So, obviously, I thought of my other favorite series where someone's mother turns out to be a crazy, dead-eyed terrorist: Alias. Over five seasons, Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) had to take down a never-ending cavalcade of money-and-power-hungry terrorists and thugs, but there was nothing more difficult for her to deal with than her parents, two super-powerful, morally ambiguous super spies with both love and heartache to give in spades. She's Olivia Pope but with amazing wigs. Or, rather, Olivia Pope is turning into Sydney Bristow but with a more enviable wardrobe and wine collection. So, let's take a look at the many ways Sydney and Olivia are totally sisters from another mister, including a look at their signature looks, family travails, and bangs:

Character	OLIVIA POPE	SYDNEY BRISTOW
Played by	Kerry Washington	Jennifer Garner
Series	Scandal	Alias
Number of Seasons	Almost 3 (So Far)	5!
Profession	Secret Fixer/Handler	Secret Agent
Government Affiliation?	Executive Branch	CIA
Main Female Enemy/Enemies	Herself, Mellie Grant, Her Mother	Lauren Reed, Anna Espinosa, Her Mother
Main Male Enemy/Enemies	Cyrus Beane, President Grant, Her Father	Arvin Sloane, Julian Sark, Her Father (emotionally)
Good at  Compartmentalizing?	Pretty Good, but Prone to Emotional Outbursts in Times of Distress.	Great, but Prone to Emotional Outbursts in Times of Distress, Usually around Arvin Sloane.
The real-life pregnancy of actress was...	hidden with handbags, coats, and peplums.	written into the show/
Occasionally Rocks  some Sweet Bangs?	Heavy Bangs in Flashback, Side-Swoop Occasionally	Bang-a-Palooza in Seasons 3 and 4
Stern Father that's Secretly Super Powerful?	Yep	Yep
and he pretends  to be a(n)...	Smithsonian Curator	Airplane Parts Supplier
but really he's...	the former head of a shadow, pseud-gov't organization (B-613).	an ex-CIA Agent, then a part of a shadow terrorist cell (SD-6), then a super spy.
Long-Dead Mother Secretly Alive?	Yep	Yep
Everyone knew her as...	Maya Lewis (Mama Pope)	Laura Bristow
but really her name is...	Marie Wallace	Irina Derevko
and she's clearly...	a super-skilled terrorist.	a super-skilled terrorist.
So, Mother Issues?	Oh yeah.	Understatement of the century.
Susceptible to Crying  Jags that Don't Undercut  but Rather Reinforce Her Femininity and Power?	Yeah, but usually in private.	I mean, that's a loaded question, but yes
What Makes Her Cry?	The President, Her Family, Helplessness	Arvin Sloane, Her Family, Helplessness
Alcohol of Choice?	Red Wine	Tequila
Snack of Choice?	Popcorn	Ice Cream, but don't give any coffee ice cream to Francie.
Strange Sartorial Choice in the Home:	All-White, Diaphanous Loungewear	Comfy Sweaters, Turtlenecks. and Sleeveless Turtlenecks
Strange Sartorial Choice in the Office:	Indoor Winter Coats	Wigs! Burkas! Overly Complex and Revealing Costumes!
Love Triangle?	Prez Fitzgerald Grant /Jake Ballard	Michael Vaughn/Will Tippin
Trying to Do Good?	Mmmhmm	Oh, yeah. Big Time

Maybe they're not twins, but they are two incredibly strong female character who are allowed to have faults without compromising their strength, who both gain and lose power through the influence (both direct and tangential) of their parents. And, until the conclusion of this story arc, it'll be difficult to know just how similar Olivia really is to Sydney. Still, as soon as Mama Pope helps deliver Olivia's baby in a closed bank while being held at gunpoint, though, I'll be the one triumphantly shouting "TWINSSSS" out my window. Listen for the whispers.

I can't even tell them apart anymore.
#TrueDetectiveSeason2

OSCARS!

The glitz! The glamour! The weird interludes where Ellen didn't seem to know what she was doing!
And, of course, the selfie heard 'round the world:

Looking at this photo, I'm mostly happy because Angelina Jolie, a woman who takes herself way too seriously, got in all the goofiness. Even Kevin Spacey's dopey face won't keep me from enjoying that.

I was going to talk about the REAL WINNERS AND LOSERS, but the ceremony was kind of neutrally fine. It didn't ruffle anyone's feathers, Spike Jonze won for writing Her, 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture, and Gravity won pretty much everything else. It was a good time.

Quick Reviews: 2014 Best Picture Nominees, Part 2

I thought I was a genius, back in November, when I decided to hold off reviewing some movies in case they were up for Best Picture. That way, I wouldn't have to spend 150 words making jokes about a serious movie that didn't even register with the Academy. 'That'll be future Tableau's problem,' I said, to no one, while laughing and consuming an unhealthy amount of lemon yogurt. And while that strategy did mean that I don't have to review Blue Jasmine or Saving Mr. Banks, it does mean that I have to churn out nine reviews in a fairly short amount of time. So, yeah, I'm pretty mad at myself.

Having already reviewed four of the nine movies up for Best Picture, it's now time to turn to the other five, including the two front-runners for the big win on Sunday. It's about to get EPIC...ally classy and thoughtful up in this b*tch:

Quick Reviews: 2014 Best Picture Nominees, Part 1

In what has basically become a self-imposed tradition, it is now time for Tableau Your Mind to review the nine films up for Best Picture. I did this mostly for you – I didn't want to watch half of these movies. When the Academy first opened up the Best Picture race to (up to) 10 nominees, it seemed like a good idea. Movies that would have previously been relegated to other categories or completely forgotten were given a chance to shine. Last year's Beasts of the Southern Wild and Amour come to mind, as well as the heartbreaking Toy Story 3 a few years prior. But this year, with a few exceptions, it seems like the Best Picture race is almost completely full of the kinds of movies that are 'supposed' to be in the race, and very few of them feel fresh at all. In a year teeming with innovation and beautifully told movies, a lot of these nominees just feel silly. Why are we even looking at Captain Phillips while Frances Ha and The Kings of Summer are completely out of the race? Still, each of the nine movies nominated do contain moments of quality, and some are legitimately great movies. So, let's take a look at four  of the movies up for Best Picture (Dallas Buyers Club, Philomena, American Hustle, and Her) with a quick list of Pros, Cons, and my guess as to whether Best Picture is in their grasps (some minor spoilers, but nothing you wouldn't get from the trailer):

Happy Valentine's Day!

Yeah, Venus and Cupid by Allesandro Allori – go and get it.

Tableau Your Mind's 300th Post! [Hooray]

This is officially the 300th Post on Tableau Your Mind. It's been over three years since my first post, back when I was still writing in the 'we and us' tense and drawing most of my pictures on Microsoft Paint.  'we' Over 299 posts, that 'we' has changed to 'I' and  Paint has changed to Photoshop, Illustrator, the occasional Scanned Drawing, and, yeah, Paint. Still the mission of this blog has basically stayed the same: be a place for people to have fun, read about all different elements of pop culture both broad and niche, and look at some rudimentary fan art (hey, I didn't take Art 1 twice in high school for nothing).

With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to look at the drafts of some of the pictures I drew, a glimpse at how a 'painting' goes from initial sketch to finished product:

On Pranking: A Post for George Clooney

These are the victims,

I'm going to keep this short. George Clooney - stop pranking people. You're a grown-ass man (and, from the rumors, a grown ass-man). I just listened to an interview wherein you talk about getting back at Tina Fey and Amy Poehler for making fun of you at the Golden Globes. You were trying to make it seem 'in good fun', but, when you opened your mouth, all I could hear was a whiny little b*tch who's upset that someone had the audacity to make fun of him.

I remember when I first read about your pranking adventures on the set of Ocean's 11. They sounded hilarious, a fun reminder that celebrities like to have a good time. But, at the time, I was in my teens and you were in your (late) 30s. You're 52 now, and you've been pranking for far too long. It's time to stop pranking people. It makes you seem like a doofus, like you've never progressed past being a 8-year-old, plastic-wrapping the toilet seat and laughing as your aunt, Rosemary Clooney, pooped all over herself.

George, you may think that your pranking makes you seem like a fun playboy, a Gatsby-esque figure, gallivanting and cavorting and what have you. It doesn't, and you need to quit before one of your pranks goes too far and your girlfriend's husband's mistress ends up dead. That's a literary reference that I can make because I am a grown-up who doesn't prank people. Less and less people are going to enjoy your Michael Clayton-esque films when you keep sounding like a member of Jackass.

Stop it. No. Bad George Clooney. Bad.

30 Rock: 1 Year Later

Do it for Television!

One year ago today, my favorite television show OF ALL TIME aired its final episode. That's right, 30 Rock has been gone from the airwaves for 365 days. After 7 seasons (many of them truncated), Liz and Jack rode off into the sunset, never to be heard from again. Except for in my fan fiction, where they're both fighting for their lives in a post-apocalyptic hellspace. Obviously, everyone has a mohawk, and eye patches are plentiful.

Over this past year, it's been nice to see the cast pop up time and again on other television shows and films.  Jane Krakowski has been making the sitcom rounds, and her Trop50 ads have become a television staple. Tina Fey pops up time and again, hosting awards shows and securing sitcom deals, thus guaranteeing that her rapier wit will remain on our screens for years to come. Even Jack McBrayer has been on The Middle quite a few

Best of 2013 Part 2: Films and Events

A solid 3.5 weeks after going through the momentous TV and music events of 2013, it's time now to turn to the movies and general events that defined the year. Again, it's difficult to look at the year as a whole, because it seems like we are constantly teetering between instant forgetfulness AND instant nostalgia. We're like that guy from Memento who wanted that mint to impress that tattoo artist. Or something. It's really hard to remember what that movie was about. And I miss it dearly. 

Anyway... let's look at the film moments and new cultural touchstones that shaped 2013: