Dear Kraft,
Hello and thank you for your time. I am writing today as a
longtime fan and eater of your Macaroni & Cheese (or, as my Canadian
roommate and Barenaked Ladies call it, Kraft Dinner). I was actually a member of
the Macaroni & Cheese fan club as a child (I have a decorative license plate with
my name on it as proof). I make Kraft Macaroni & Cheese at least once a
month, often while singing lines from the indelible song “Blue Box Blues”:
“Well, if daddy wants to please me, he's only got to cheese me. I've got the
blues!”
So, it is with great sadness that I need to inform you of
something that you probably already know but are afraid to admit. Kraft Easy Mac is one of the most disgusting things that has ever been considered food,
and it is the grossest microwavable 'treat' I have ever consumed. It's mushy,
the cheese powder doesn't mix correctly with the water and noodles, and it
smells a little funky (no doubt from the Styrofoam-esque packaging seeping into
the noodle water).
I understand that it's difficult to manufacture something microwavable
that tastes good. Tostino's Pizza Rolls are an obvious exception (I'm sorry if
that's hard for you to see – know that it's just as difficult for me to write).
Still, even with the hurdles involved, most microwavable food (mostly frozen or
dry-noodle-based) are at least an approximation of their stove and oven
counterparts. What you have delivered in Easy Mac is not even noodles. It's
barely food.
Also, it makes traditional Kraft Macaroni & Cheese seem hard
to make, which it isn't. You're underselling your own product, Kraft! By marketing
one of your products as 'easy,' it makes the other seem difficult in
comparison. For traditional Mac, All people have to do is boil water and have
milk in the fridge – we aren't in a dairy crisis! This can be accomplished!
In conclusion, I would like to say that your microwavable
meal may be easy, but it is NO mac. What's worse, I think you're souring a
future customer-base to your product by having their first encounter with it be
this approximation of real Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Less people will try the real thing when their opinions are based on the taste of the deplorable Easy Mac. I don't want
to upset you, but I think that, when it comes to Easy Mac, it's time to go back
to the drawing board.
Thank you for your time,
Tableau Your Mind
P.S. Sometimes I eat Macaroni Cheese with tuna in it. I
don't want to ruffle any feathers of the good people of Tuna Helper, but have
you ever considered going more high-end, possibly with a meat option. The
casserole thing you came out with recently is amazing – Expand on that. Make
Kraft a luxury brand, not one of microwavable faux-convenience!
