Apr 18, 2013

My Cousins Review 'Jurassic Park'

I love Jurassic Park. I love it so much. From the first time I watched it (in the basement at the house of my sister's friend, clinging to the arm of a two-tone couch), I was hooked. I have always been fascinated with dinosaurs. I wanted to be a paleontologist so badly when I was in elementary school, and this movie was a natural extension of my prehistoric curiosities. So, when Jurassic Park came back out in theaters, I knew that I had to see it. And I also knew that there were only two people I needed to see it with – my two cousins, whose excitement about movies matches my own and whose childlike wonder I could hopefully feed off of (but not in a creepy, succubus way). Herewith are their/our thoughts (Spoilers Ahead):

So, did you like the movie?

Cousin #2: It was awesome! I would definitely give it 5 out of 5 stars

Cousin #1: I think I would give it 50 out of 50 stars. 5 isn't a big enough number for a movie this size.

C2: No, 5 out of 5 is still the most. It doesn't get more because of the number


C2: What?

Nothing. So, what did you like about the movie? What was your favorite part?

C2: I liked the part in the beginning, with the kid who says "it's just a 6 foot long turkey." It was funny and then it got scary.

He slashes at you with this – a six-inch retractable claw: like a razor, on the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion. He slashes at you here, or here, or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you.
C1: I liked the kitchen scene. I liked it because it was full of surprises. It's actually a suspenseful scene with the kids in it, so the field between kids and adults feels more balanced. I liked how cool the tapping claw looked and sounded.

C2: I liked the part when the T-Rex is attacking the children and the other guy tries to save him.

In the car?

C2: Yeah, that part was crazy, and there was so much yelling.

C1: Wait, Samuel L. Jackson died?

Yeah, his arm was presumably all that was left of him. He got 'raptored.

C2: Oh, I didn't think that was an African American arm.

C1: It looked white.

Nope, it was Samuel L. Jackson's. Check the tape.

C1: Oh, that's why the John guy told them to go to the bunker until he returned, and then he never returned.

Exactly. So, what was your favorite dinosaur?

C2: The T-Rex, because he was kicking ass in most of the scenes. He was like, "I'm going to kill you and kill you and kill you."  So kick-ass.

C1: The Velociraptors were definitely my favorite. They looked scary, and their intelligence made them even scarier. I liked when they turned the doorknob in the kitchen. Plus, they have that big claw.

Yeah, you mentioned. And they definitely kill the most people.

C2: Poor Mace Windu.

So, from what you mentioned, it seems like you enjoyed the scenes with the kids. Were they your favorite characters?

C1: NOOOO!!! I didn't like the way the girl always screamed and yelled, and I hated when she turned on the flashlight for no reason. 

C2: The girl was a little whiny. She was like, "*whimper noise*, there's a T-Rex, *whimper noise*!!" all the time.
In her defense, there was a T-Rex attacking her. I’m not sure I would have reacted any differently.

C1: Yeah, but she was whiny even when things weren't that scary.

C2: It seemed like she was scared with every dinosaur. Like, I can understand being scared of the T-Rex, but I don’t know why she was scared of the Brachiosaurus.

C1: Right!? Even herbivores made her whiny. Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) was definitely my favorite character. He seemed cool from the beginning, when he made the kid scared about raptor. I liked John Hammond (Richard Attenborough), too, because he was funny. And I liked his walking stick.

It’s pretty sick.

C2: My favorite characters are Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) and Dr. Grant. I like Ian because he's weird and stuff. Who's your favorite character?

Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) is my favorite character.

C1: Why?

Well, she's smart, and caring towards the Triceratops, and she's just really good at screaming.

C2: I like when she's like "Run" to Alan and then she jumps in his arms.

C1: I think she really seems scared.

Any other notes?

C2: Dennis Nedry is fat.

I think Wayne Knight would be a little upset that you're saying that.

C2: Well, he is. I think the scariest part of the movie is when the dilophosaurus kills him. It's scary because the weird umbrella skin flaps that the dinosaur has. It's freaky.

C1: He looks like that weird lizard that exists today with the same umbrella thing. Maybe one evolved into the other.

I think it's called 'frill', but I could be wrong.

C2: So, then, this movie is possible? Can this really happen? It seems like it's possible if you're really smart.

C1: If you can find really good DNA. Like when they were going to clone that mammoth.

Well, I think that maybe the movie shows that it wouldn't be a good idea to mess with nature.

C1: Yeah, but it'd be cool.

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