Birthdays Make Me Feel Like a Dying Eva Perón

Today is my birthday (and Neville Longbottom's...and Lisa Kudrow's), but it isn't a particularly important one. I'm not allowed to do or drink something that was previously, legally unattainable. There will be no celebration of a new half – or even quarter – century. Heck, I even woke up today in the same decade of my life that I was in yesterday. Still, birthdays have a way of feeling important, even if they're only important to one person. So, when someone wishes me a Happy Birthday, be it via Facebook post, text message, phone call, or even *gasp* an actual, in-person interaction, it's definitely some sweet icing on the cake of life. 

1999-era Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch Rock a Two-Woman Show

I'd like to take you back 15 years, to the year 1999. It was a simpler time. The Millenium was just around the corner. Y2K was a legitimate fear. Women were getting impregnated with children who are now freshman in high school. Cher's "Believe" was at the top of the charts. People still wore cargo jeans. Jennifer Lopez was just starting her singing career. And amazing, funny people Rachel Dratch and Tina Fey had a two-woman sketch show called Dratch & Fey. Until this week, I'd only heard rumors of this comedic collabo, happy to hear whispers of it on the wind and watch the few sketches I could find on YouTube. But now there's, like, a full night of Dratch & Fey, and it's in a convenient, 47-minute-long video!

Once you get past the poor video quality and bad haircuts, what you're left with is a super solid collection of sketches that weave in and out of one another with seamless panache. Plus, you get to hear Tina Fey sing a song about her vagina while operating a whale puppet, and you get to hear about the suicidal tendencies of Rachel Dratch's half of a pair of guitar-playing Siamese twins.

It's...pretty great.

RIP Elaine Stritch

Hail, Hail, The Gang's All Here [Harry Potter]

Everyone reunites for a fun game of Quidditch and fan service.

Just when the world was beginning to forget about Harry Potter (sort of), J.K. Rowling swings back into the fray with a brand new bit of writing to get everyone's attention. A 1,500 word 'news report' from Rita Skeeter made its way onto the Pottermore website yesterday, and it follows a quasi-reunion between members of Dumbledore's Army at the Quidditch World Cup. Like the much-discussed epilogue in the last book of her hit series, the article reads more like fan fiction than actual, canonical text –  Rowling loves long sentences of expository writing. Honestly, if this were a real article, the wizarding world would probably be confused as to why, when attending a live event, Skeeter decides to write a piece with as much life and energy as the Wikipedia page on Mulch.

Hit or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 8: 4th of July Edition

You guys! Here in America, it's Independence Day, which means it's time to celebrate 'Merica the only way we know how: drinking too much, eating a variety of meats, prank-calling anyone named Tim Howard, and spending a long weekend watching movies. To help you make the decision on what movie to see, I have spent the last few days watching a crap-load of movies. Like, I don't know how I do it. It's staggering. And since you can't spend this whole weekend in a cinema, I'mma tell you which ones to HIT the theater to see, and which ones you can MISS:

'Weird Al' Yankovic as Adolf Hitler

Thank you, Drunk History, for this weirdness.

That is all.