Mr. Feeny Nip Slip and other Top Searches

One of the best things about having a blog is being able to see what random search words get people to your site. That’s right, thanks to Google Analytics we can see what search words bring people here, and it’s not always pretty. Let’s just say that it’s amazing how the word ‘fluids’ can be easily combined with other words to make them sound incredibly NSFW.

Tableau Your Mind is a judgment free zone (except when we judge and analyze elements of pop culture) so we thought that it would be a good idea to combine all the most popular searches into one photo, because that's what people were clamoring for. Below, check out the seven most-searched items that brought people to this blog (along with links to the pages that they presumably brought people to). Then, click through for one of the most blog-search friendly images ever!

1. Gotye (Also: Gotye Pronunciation)
2. Mr. Feeny Boy Meets World (Also Popular: Mr Feeny and Mr. Feeny)
3. Nip Slip (Also Popular: Emily VanCamp Nip Slip, Julia Louis-Dreyfus Nip Slip)
4. Hipster Baby (Also Popular: Hipster, Hipster Boner)
5. Harry Potter (Also Popular: Harry Plotter)
6. Steve Martin Banjo (Also Popular: Steve Martin)
7. Voldemort (Also Popular: Voldemort Sad, Sad Vodemort, Hipster Voldemort)

Photo is slightly NSFW, but it's a cartoon, so it's totally fine:

Ranking the Batman Films: Part 1

After we watched The Dark Knight Rises, the final film in Christopher Nolan's epic trilogy, we thought it would be good to go back through the seven films that have made up the modern Batman films thus far, starting with Tim Burton's Batman in 1989, continuing through Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin (that temporarily killed the franchise) and ending with the Nolan films in the last seven years. How did they stack up to one another? Which was the best? And since we couldn't make up our minds alone (this was too important), we enlisted the help of tons of guest bloggers, friends, and colleagues to rate and talk about the seven films. Or, at least, we tried to talk to all of our guest bloggers - My Mom kindly declined, saying that "these are frivolous movies. I have no need for them." Harsh words, but, for the rest of us, here are the rankings:

Hanging Out With Tina Fey

...or, rather, hanging out in close proximity to Tina Fey. That was the wonder experienced by Tableau Your Mind when I went to the Delacorte Theater in Central Park to see Stephen Sondheim's Into The Woods. Since the musical doesn't open until today, I don't want to dwell on the show (the three leads are great, Amy Adams' comedic timing is a little off, the metaphors can be a little heavy-handed but the musical is nonetheless beautiful, etc.). Instead, I want to dwell on the amazingness of an actual sighting of Tina Fey, TV's most prominent female comedian and showrunner as well as a woman who shies away from public appearances. Because she's just like us!

It all happened because I Don't Feel Bad About It happened to use the restroom at the same time as her. I, on the other hand, shared a restroom with the guy who wrote Hair, who I assumed was a homeless person. Anyway, it's incredible the excitement that a public sighting of Tina Fey elicits. Not just in me, but in everyone around her. Vendors she spoke to, women she passed on the way to her seat, ticket takers, little boys and girls in glasses who wanted a picture with her. Obviously, I knew all of this because I was passively stalking her. Which was easy, since I was sitting 4 rows behind her for the entire 3 hour show.

PROOF

I felt like Greta on 30 Rock, when she tells Liz Lemon that 'I know how much you like TV. Sometimes I watch you watching it.' There I was, sitting in Central Park, with Donna Murphy and Denis O'Hare acting up a storm in front of me. And I was watching Tina Fey watching it. After a few minutes I turned away, afraid of the stalker I'd become. And as I did so, I saw at least fifteen other people do the exact same thing, the moment of creepazoid clarity occurring at the same time, like how those two dudes invented calculus simultaneously. We were suddenly aware of our own voyeuristic tendencies, and it was just as terrible as calculus. Worse, maybe.

It's a weird culture we've built, that's for sure.

Film Review: Pixar's Brave

We've spent about a month thinking about Brave, and our review is this:

meh.

It's better than Cars and Cars 2.

Life of Pi - Official Trailer

Here comes the first official trailer from Ang Lee's Life of Pi, and it is the most beautiful trailer that we have seen in quite some time. While there isn't much plot given in this trailer (shipwreck, tiger boat, phosphorescent whale), we are treated to some seriously sumptuous visuals. It's a feast for the eyes!

We're big fans of Ang Lee here at Tableau Your Mind, but our (well-documented) excitement for this film is really tied to our love of the book on which the film is based. It's definitely one of our favorites.

So, enjoy, and [Mini Spoiler Alert] ponder whether the epilogue to the novel will make it into the film:

Hit Or Miss: Quick Movie Reviews 4!

Watching tons of movies is so difficult! It’s, like, who has the time these days?!  And, even if you have the time, who has the money, especially with the tickets and the popcorn and the toll roads and the finder’s fees and the bridge troll tolls? It’s like, URGH!!!  (coincidentally, that the sound a toll-troll makes if he doesn't collect enough tolls)

Well, Tableau Your Mind (with some help from guest Blogger Funton Abbey) have watched a ton of movies for you, and we’re here to provide pointed critiques and ask a simple question: should people HIT the theater and see this movie, or is it more of a MISS?

Magic Mike

Strippin' Ain't Easy

The Story: Steven Soderbergh directs this film about a 30-ish stripper Mike (Channing Tatum), who has a great life, but he doesn’t have love (from Cody Horn or Olivia Munn), and he can’t get a bank loan to pursue his dreams. Will he turn out like his aging, charismatic
boss (Matthew McConaughey) or can he escape his life of easy money, attractive women, and hip-hop stripping?

Pros: There are great performances from Tatum and McConaughey (Olivia Munn is pretty good, too), the first half is breezy and fun, there are genitalia for all audiences (a few out-of-focus penises and a few pairs of boobs - everybody wins), the stripping scenes are well choreographed and cheesy, and everyone seems to be having a good time. Also, Alcide from True Blood and Neal Caffrey from White Collar are in it and strip a few times.

Cons: The second half of the movie gets mired in a story about the dangers of drug abuse and selling drugs, Magic Mike’s problems mostly seem kind of stupid, Cody Horn (as the love interest) is possibly the worst actress we’ve ever seen, and the color palate is stereotypically yellow and washed out, which is Filmmaking 101 for shooting a film in Florida but which makes everyone look a bit pancake-faced.

Consensus: Channing Tatum is turning out really solid performances lately, and this is no exception. It’s a shame that most of his scenes are with Horn, who can’t act herself out of a paper bag, and Alex Pettyfer, who is mostly just boring. Even his tattoos lack inspiration. The story is mostly fun, and the film is directed really interestingly (a lot of scenes cut out a second before you think they should, which puts you on edge). All-in-all, it’s solid but also kind of forgettable.

Hit or Miss: Hit, but you can probably leave after the first hour or so, when things start to get REAL.

Your Sister’s Sister

The Story: Jack’s (Mark Duplass) brother Tom is dead. Before he died, Tom dated Iris (Emily Blunt), Jack’s best friend. Iris loves Jack. Jack loves Iris (but hasn't figured it out yet). Jack sleeps with Iris’s lesbian sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt) while staying at Iris’s family cabin. Iris arrives, and complications ensue.

Pros: As you might be able to tell from the synopsis, this is one of the more backstory-heavy films in existence. Mostly, the relationships feel real, which is due in no small part to the stellar acting from the three leads. They sell a lot of material that is pretty ridiculous. When the characters are talking and interacting, the film is golden.

Cons: The last third of this film is insufferable, especially because there is an 10-minute montage where nobody says anything to anybody and it’s really frakking weird. We don’t want to spoil anything for anyone, but things get really out-of-control plot-wise near the end, and the film’s attempts to tie everything up in a neat bow and a group hug rings false. It’s also a little too twee and cutesy for the subject matter.

Consensus: Good performances build a lot of goodwill, and that is seriously tested as audiences are treated to several minutes of people pitching and un-pitching tents and sleeping and walking. The last bit of this film is located firmly between Dullsville, Lazytown, and Implausible Cove.

Hit or Miss: Miss. Honestly, you can probably skip this one. It will be on Netflix Instant Watch within a year.

Ted

Ted: he's high-larious

The Story: A wisecracking, sentient bear (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) and his wisecracking friend with bad hair (Mark Wahlberg) have to learn to grow up or else the bad hair guy might lose the love of his life (Mila Kunis) who is way more attractive, young, and responsible than he is.

 Pros: It’s funny. There are a lot of laugh-out-loud moments and some solid jokes about Flash Gordon. The bear (the titular Ted) is a funny concept that is explored well. There are two great scenes: one involving sh*t and the other Norah Jones. Also, Ryan Reynolds shows up for no reason and it’s awesome.

Cons: The film relies on the same humor that Seth MacFarlane peddles in his television shows, and we can watch those for free. It’s mildly offensive and not funny enough to make up for the offensiveness. Also, Mark Wahlberg has no right to be playing a 35-year-old stoner/slacker. He's super jacked and is and looks 41 years old. 35-year-old stoner/slackers are rarely as ripped as him and they are certainly not 41. He’s also not that funny. Plot-wise, things hold together as long as everyone is having a good time, but, when it tries to be honest emotionally, it feels false and stupid.

Consensus: The film can be funny and is mostly harmless, but this style of humor is done better in other movies and in MacFarlane’s own shows. The novelty of a talking bear wears off quickly, and the constant sex jokes smack of desperation.

Hit or Miss: Miss. Rent it later or something.

There's a New 'No Doubt' Video

The band is back together:

And I'm instantly 10 years old again.  I guess I should break out my jorts and drink an Orbitz.

Welcome back, gentlemen (and lady. Hello, Lady).

TV Review: White Collar Returns Triumphant

Neal is on the run

Oh, White Collar, we never know how much we miss you until you come back. We spend our days watching 'important' television dramas, full of 'important' characters and stories. And frankly, it's depressing. How long can we deal with Alicia Florick's marriage and Kalinda drama on The Good Wife, how much much more time can we spend with Don

Film Review: The Amazing Spider-Man

No upside-down kissing this time around.

Nobody was asking for a Spider-Man reboot. Or, at least, very few people were clamoring for a Spider-man reboot. Two of the three Spider-man films which already exist (starring Tobey Maguire and directed by Sam Raimi) are actually pretty great films. The second film, AKA Spider-Man 2, is one of the best Marvel movies of the past few decades. Unlike the The Incredible Hulk movie that followed the unremarkable and overly artsy Hulk movie

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes - The Real Reason For The Divorce

The Holmes-Cruise Family in Happier Times

It’s been a week since Katie Holmes filed for divorce from one Thomas Cruise, an actor known for the movie Legend and his ten appearances on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Now, new details are surfacing about the reasons behind the split. Many have wondered whether the divorce was caused by Holmes’s fear of Scientology and its influence on her young child, Suri. However, only Tableau Your Mind has the exclusive scoop on the real